My lovely husband passed away

[Pouli]

He passed away on Saturday afternoon. I am so happy to say it was peaceful. The doc thought he had had another stroke which left him largely unresponsive and he had nothing to eat or drink since Tuesday night. The end of life meds and paraphernalia were all here ready but in the end they were not needed. He reacted to my voice, to the voices of my daughters and my granddaughter. And not long after, he just stopped breathing. I think in the context of this horrible disease this counts as a good death.

I am now bereft. There is no shape to my days any more, I can do what I want when I want, and I am paralysed. I feel relief for him. He has had much suffering in recent years, not all due to dementia. He was tired of it all and there was enough left of the man I love for me to know that. But I am filled with anger against the destructiveness of this disease, and the indignities it forces on its sufferers. And guilt is kicking in, for the times when I lost my patience even though I knew it was not his fault and he couldn't help it.

Tomorrow I start the paperwork and should start pulling myself together. In the meantime, he has just stepped out for a minute so I shall carry on talking to him.

 

[notsogooddtr]

Please accept my condolences on the loss of your dear husband.Wishing you strength and peace in the weeks and months ahead

 

[Bunpoots]

Bless you @Pouli. I lost my dad just before Christmas. His too was a good death. The death he’d hoped for. I am still all at sea. It must be worse for you.

There’s no desperate hurry for the paperwork. Take your time.

My condolences

 

[canary]

(((((((((((((((((((hugs))))))))))))
Im sorry for your loss, but, yes, I would count that as a "good" death
Be gentle with yourself

 

[Casbow]

He passed away on Saturday afternoon. I am so happy to say it was peaceful. The doc thought he had had another stroke which left him largely unresponsive and he had nothing to eat or drink since Tuesday night. The end of life meds and paraphernalia were all here ready but in the end they were not needed. He reacted to my voice, to the voices of my daughters and my granddaughter. And not long after, he just stopped breathing. I think in the context of this horrible disease this counts as a good death.

I am now bereft. There is no shape to my days any more, I can do what I want when I want, and I am paralysed. I feel relief for him. He has had much suffering in recent years, not all due to dementia. He was tired of it all and there was enough left of the man I love for me to know that. But I am filled with anger against the destructiveness of this disease, and the indignities it forces on its sufferers. And guilt is kicking in, for the times when I lost my patience even though I knew it was not his fault and he couldn't help it.

Tomorrow I start the paperwork and should start pulling myself together. In the meantime, he has just stepped out for a minute so I shall carry on talking to him.

So terribly sad for you. I visit my husband as you have, and we want so desperately to see the person we love. But we rarely get very much comfort from it, other than knowing we have been there, held their hand and hopefully been a comfort to them. I dread the end for my husband but at the same time welcome it. I want him to be at peace. Your husband is now at peace and you must be grateful for his sake. I am forever beating myself up for the times when I wasn't very patient. But we are human and no one can be 100% an angel. I send you love and hope you will soon find peace. And yes, this disease is so cruel. To watch someone leave us so slowly and not be able to help at all, in itself is cruel. Bless you and I send my love.x

 

[lis66]

So sorry for your loss pouli ((((,hugs)))

 

[Moose1966]

So sorry for your loss pouli ((((,hugs)))

Such a sad time for you , take time to remember the good days and don’t feel any guilt , this disease is so cruel to all . ❤️

 

[Grannie G]

I`m so sorry @Pouli

I am now bereft. There is no shape to my days any more, I can do what I want when I want, and I am paralysed.

Of course you are . How could it be any different.

 

[Jean1234]

He passed away on Saturday afternoon. I am so happy to say it was peaceful. The doc thought he had had another stroke which left him largely unresponsive and he had nothing to eat or drink since Tuesday night. The end of life meds and paraphernalia were all here ready but in the end they were not needed. He reacted to my voice, to the voices of my daughters and my granddaughter. And not long after, he just stopped breathing. I think in the context of this horrible disease this counts as a good death.

I am now bereft. There is no shape to my days any more, I can do what I want when I want, and I am paralysed. I feel relief for him. He has had much suffering in recent years, not all due to dementia. He was tired of it all and there was enough left of the man I love for me to know that. But I am filled with anger against the destructiveness of this disease, and the indignities it forces on its sufferers. And guilt is kicking in, for the times when I lost my patience even though I knew it was not his fault and he couldn't help it.

Tomorrow I start the paperwork and should start pulling myself together. In the meantime, he has just stepped out for a minute so I shall carry on talking to him.

So sorry to hear your news but glad for both of you that the end was peaceful. It’s what we all wish for for our OHs when the time comes. No need for guilt. You were there for him when he needed you and now hard as it’s going to be you are going to have to try and just remember the good times before this horrible disease came along. Don’t rush to do things take time to say goodbye and keep talking to him. I speak to my OH photo all the time when I am at home and not visiting him in the care home. In the photo he is as he used to be and how I like to think of him. Sending you hugs.

 

[charlie10]

so sorry for your loss @Pouli .....not only have you lost someone you love, but you've also lost the reason that shaped your life for a number of years...no wonder you feel in limbo! Be your own best friend and be kind to yourself x

 

[LynneMcV]

I am so sorry to hear your sad news but I am glad that the ending was peaceful. . Keeping you in my thoughts and wishing you strength at such a difficult time.

 

[marionq]

Sad to read this but please don't be hard on yourself. To survive as a carer with your love for your husband still intact counts as a success.

 

[jenniferjean]

I'm glad your husband's passing was peaceful.
Sending ((((((((((hugs))))))))))

 

[Izzy]

I’m so sorry to read of your loss. Please keep posting here. I’m sure the support you’ll receive here will help you as the days go by.

Wishing you strength.

 

[Sarasa]

So sorry to hear this @Pouli, look after yourself and treat yourself gently now. Your husband sounds like a lovely man.

 

[Elle3]

So sorry for your loss Pouli. I’ve just lost my dad on Wednesday and I’m just keeping busy going through the motions of organising everything that needs to be done. My dad’s death was sudden and a shock but I know it was quick and he is now at peace and this dreadful disease can no longer steal anymore of him.

My thoughts are with you. Elle x

 

[Rosebush]

So sorry for you loss, take care.xx

 

[dancer12]

So sorry for your loss. May you find a small comfort in the knowledge that he passed peacefully.

 

[AliceA]

I am so sorry to hear of your deep loss, I hope you will find some comfort in the peaceful end.
Take time, it is always such a shock.
With love, Alice

 

[Pouli]

So sorry for your loss Pouli. I’ve just lost my dad on Wednesday and I’m just keeping busy going through the motions of organising everything that needs to be done. My dad’s death was sudden and a shock but I know it was quick and he is now at peace and this dreadful disease can no longer steal anymore of him.

My thoughts are with you. Elle x

And mine with you, Elle.