My mum had a crisis just over 5 years ago and clearly couldn't return to her house, she had been a hoarder for all of my living memory, had turned the electricity off a least 18 months before crisis (police were aware and said she had capacity and it was her choice - my opinion of that is a whole different story).
She was staying with me for christmas anyway (she got lost driving to my house) so that bought us initial time to find solutions. Initially I thought about finding her somewhere to live near to her house, as she had a strong social circle that would have provided support, assuming she let them, but quickly realised that I would have to go down at least once every two months (I was assuming at this stage my brother would share this load) and additionally for all medical appointments between us. It would have been a 7 hour round journey, and with children aged 8 and 12, with massive commitments to the older ones sporting interests, I couldn't have done it and carried on working. She then alternated between myself and my brother for a fortnight at a time and due to our children and her behaviour with them, this was hard going.
Mum wanted to live with us, we do have a spare bedroom, and that is where she had slept over Christmas, but this clearly wouldn't work, as she just didn't understand how the kids lives worked, partly due to living in the past (not sure this was dementia - she was like that when bringing me up) and partly not able to be age appropriate with them in grasping what they do (eg treating 8 year old as a 5 year old). I might have considered it if the kids were no longer at home.
I had little knowledge of dementia at the time, but given she had clearly had issues for at least 3 years and probably 5 when she could have been diagnosed, I assumed she might deteriorate quite rapidly.
I found her a flat in a sheltered extra care social housing complex, and it was an initial big upheaval for her, but once settled she loved it, and was aware enough to thank me for finding somewhere so nice. I still do her shopping, and pop in once a week and take her to all her appointments but she doesn't live with me. She joined in all the daily activities, and loved them, and got to know all the team of carers, this means as she has slowly deteriorated the carers know her well (she is in her own flat, and started with 2 15 minutes morning and evening med prompts, she is now upto 10 hours of care a week, getting herself to the restaurant downstairs for meals).
She is far happier in her own flat than she would have been sharing a house with just myself and my husband, she has her own space which she enjoys.
5 years down the line she has deteriorated but is still relatively mobile (she uses a frame but her knees were shot with arthritis anyway and she needed an op at time of crisis) and doesn't need much personal care (a weekly shower prompt which isn't always successful), with carers providing meds and ensuring she has meals - she still sorts out her own breakfast. I had expected her to need a care home by this stage, so I am now wondering if she has another 10 years or more to go. Her health is much better as she is in a safe well heated environment, doesn't have access to out of date food, has regular Drs appts and takes all her medication. She lost a lot of weight just before the crisis, I think due to food poisoning, and this ironically improved her overall health status, with lowered blood pressure and she became more mobile initially as there was less weight on her worn out knees.
She has accepted the choices I made for her, whereas if she was living here she would have argued and got very cross and nasty if things weren't done her way, and this would have left all of us with a poor quality of life.
Before giving up work, think about how long you might be doing this for, are there any other solutions - sheltered extra care is a good halfway house, which actually can considerably delay a move into a care home, try to arrange day care so you do get some time to yourself, and find sitters, from reading TP the sooner outsiders are introduced the easier it tends to be.
I was 45 when the crisis happened, and never thought mum would be so well now. Is this what your parent would want - you sacrificing your life for your parents.
Personally I have lost several years when I had expected to have free time to myself, spent clearing mum's house, and running round after her, everything I have done has eaten into 'my time' just as I expected to get more as children became more independent, and even though she doesn't live with me I am well aware my quality of life is much poorer than it would be if she hadn't got ill. I am less fit as I get less exercise, I abandoned one of my sports, which I had continued as a hobby - although hope to return to it. You will spend a lot of time looking after a parent even if they don't live with you.
For me the bottom line is mum is actually happier having not living with me than she would have been and I have my life still, my kids have their childhood, mum actually understands I have my life and is aware enough to want this for me. The decision was made easier as it wasn't an option to get her back in her house, and also from working with many housing associations I was aware of the support offered by sheltered extra care (not sheltered) and this was my first port of call when looking for something for her.
I just wanted to write a perspective of someone who didn't go for the live with parent option. I apologise for it being a bit disjointed.