Hello everyone,
Mum is 91 next week and is in a care home with advanced vascular dementia. Yesterday they asked me if I would like a DNR on file for mum and I said yes, that should mum's heart or breathing stop, I do not want her resuscitated. I have POA for health & welfare and the home were happy with this. Today I had a call from her new GP who was fairly patronising but said she would need to have this discussion with mum. I asked why and she said 'Well, we can't put it in place behind her back". I said that she will not understand the discussion and asked how she would broach it. She said she would ask her about her quality of life, and if she said she was unhappy or had 'had enough' she would say there were things they could do should she 'pass away'! I was horrified at the thought of this conversation and said I felt she may find this distressing. She said she would make an assessment of that when she visited. In the end I said I wasn't going to agree to a DNR if it meant putting mum through a stressful conversation and causing any upset. She won't understand fully, but she will understand talk about 'passing away'. I'm feeling really upset as the GP almost implied that I can't be trusted to make the right choices that I know mum - when well - would've wanted. Apparently, this is all down to rules by the CQC?
Am I just being over sensitive?
Mum is 91 next week and is in a care home with advanced vascular dementia. Yesterday they asked me if I would like a DNR on file for mum and I said yes, that should mum's heart or breathing stop, I do not want her resuscitated. I have POA for health & welfare and the home were happy with this. Today I had a call from her new GP who was fairly patronising but said she would need to have this discussion with mum. I asked why and she said 'Well, we can't put it in place behind her back". I said that she will not understand the discussion and asked how she would broach it. She said she would ask her about her quality of life, and if she said she was unhappy or had 'had enough' she would say there were things they could do should she 'pass away'! I was horrified at the thought of this conversation and said I felt she may find this distressing. She said she would make an assessment of that when she visited. In the end I said I wasn't going to agree to a DNR if it meant putting mum through a stressful conversation and causing any upset. She won't understand fully, but she will understand talk about 'passing away'. I'm feeling really upset as the GP almost implied that I can't be trusted to make the right choices that I know mum - when well - would've wanted. Apparently, this is all down to rules by the CQC?
Am I just being over sensitive?