Chapel of Rest

[Vicstar]

Evening all,

I'm going to the chapel of rest on monday to see my grandad one last time. He's been gone nearly 4 weeks.

What is the chapel of rest like?
I've never been or experienced this.

I feel I have to see my grandad because the last time I saw him was when he passed and that can't be my last memory of him.

Just need some support

Ta muchly x

 

[Cat27]

I’m so sorry to read about your Grandad.

In my experience they show you into a small room & the coffin is there on a stand. The lid is propped up nearby. There have always been flowers in there too.
The person is in the coffin dressed in whatever you have chosen.

I wish you strength on Monday.

 

[Bunpoots]

Hello @Vicstar

I’m sorry to read about your grandad.

The first chapel of rest I visited when I saw my mum was just a small room. I don’t know what I expected. Mum had only been gone a week and it looked as though she was asleep. I half expected her to take a breath...but ,of course, she didn’t.

There were flowers and a box of tissues. I needed the tissues!

 

[Izzy]

This is such a hard time for you. I’m sure you’re doing the right thing going to see your grandad for the last time.

I went to see my husband and I’m glad I did. I was taken into a small- ish room. The lighting was soft and there was a flower arrangement there. The coffin was on a stand and Bill looked so smart in his favourite suit and red tie. He looked so calm and at peace. I sat for a while and talked to him - I’ve now no idea what I said. I also wrote the eulogy whilst I was sitting with him. Eventually I gave him a kiss and left. I only went to see him once but I could have gone back if I had wanted to. I decided against that.

I had been really nervous about seeing him there but I’m so glad I did. The funeral directors were very respectful and made it easy for me.

Wishing you all the strength in the world.

 

[love.dad.but..]

Funeral Directors make the visit a very respectful one for you. When I saw my dad as others have described...a small room...sensitively lit...flowers..tissues. ..coffin on a stand with the top half open...dad looked very peaceful in his smart suit I had left for him and it was important for me to see him looking this way after being with him at end of life and seeing dementia grimaces..although the realisation that of course dad had passed away but that also his dementia had also finally gone away and that was a strange comfort to see no more torment in his face. .the FD shows you to the chapel of rest and leaves you to have time alone. I had taken a couple of small personal items to slip into dad's jacket pocket together with a personal note. Dad was being buried so pretty much anything could be buried with him but their are restrictions on some items if cremated. Will anyone be going with you?

 

[Beate]

I was talked into it by the funeral director. I shouldn't have listened to her. I'm glad it provided comfort for others, but it didn't for me. I simply couldn't compute him just lying there, looking waxen. I will never do it again.

 

[notsogooddtr]

This is a very personal decision.I was with my sister,my mum and my Dad when they died,had no desire to see them again.My brother died suddenly at his own hand,I did see him.All these experiences told me that the body is just a shell,the person we love has gone at the point of death.No offence meant to anyone who feels differently

 

[canary]

I went to see mum in the chapel of rest and I was glad that I did as I hadnt been there when she passed away, so I wanted to say goodbye to her. She didnt look exactly the same as when she had been alive, though, which I hadnt been expecting.
It wasnt frightening, or horrible - just a bit different.

 

[Lawson58]

I was talked into it by the funeral director. I shouldn't have listened to her. I'm glad it provided comfort for others, but it didn't for me. I simply couldn't compute him just lying there, looking waxen. I will never do it again.

It did nothing for me either. It sounds like most funeral directors follow the same procedure and they were very kind and respectful. The room was very nice but it all seemed a little contrived and sugary. My dad had worn a tie to work but my most vivid memories of him were of him in shorts and bare feet mowing the lawn on a Sunday morning, napping on the kitchen floor on a hot day, piling us all into the car for a day at the beach.......

The person lying there in the coffin bore so little resemblance to the dad I knew that it was like looking at a stranger.

But I sincerely hope that it helps you at this sad time.

 

[Quizbunny]

I went to see my dad the day before the funeral. I wasn’t really sure I wanted to see him but I felt that I ought to. I truly wish I had listened to my initial feeling as I was very shaken. The body in the coffin just did not look like my wonderful dad. I will not be going to see my mum when her time comes.

 

[Baggybreeks]

My husband died nearly 4 weeks ago, after 5 days struggling with sepsis and not able to swallow water. I wasn’t with him when he passed away, I was on my way in and care staff had been assisting him when he went. They tidied him up and put on his nice shirt and trousers, made him look very peaceful as if asleep. But not breathing. Still warm.
I thought I wouldn’t want to see him at the funeral home. However our son wanted to say goodbye again, so I went with him.
I’m glad I did. And we cried, as he looked so at peace, wearing his favourite jacket, scarf and tweed cap. But it was good.
We had a burial. He was an artist so I could put in his paint brushes and palette and some other things in his casket. It made me feel better , and connected to him.
I had seen parents, parents- in-law, and sister -in-law at chapels of rest. Each time I dreaded going in but came away feeling better having said goodbye properly. It helped me.

 

[malengwa]

I went to see mum and it wouldn't enter my head not to, as I've always done so. The biggest shock my first time was how cold they were. But mum was wearing her favourite green jacket and they had asked us for a photo of how she had her hair and they did that really nicely.
It's not everyone's cup of tea, but it's part of the grief process for me. I saw mum on the morning of her funeral.
Noone can tell you how you will feel just do what feels right for you.

I've just realised the post was a couple if weeks ago, so it will be over now. I hope it was ok.