Bilingual but losing English language

[Wendywood]

My mother in law is a Dutch national who has lived overseas most of her adult life. Until recently she could speak 3 languages fluently - French, English and Dutch. For a few months she has been mixing up English and Dutch - speaking to me and the children in Dutch. Usually tapping her on the shoulder and saying English would be enough to get her to change to English. Over the last 2 weeks though she is talking almost of the time to us in Dutch. When I say we don’t understand she gets cross in Dutch and tells us off. She is in a care home and seems to understand that she needs to speak English to the carers..for now!
My question is - does anybody have any experience of this? Will she lose her English completely and end up talking Dutch to everybody? A problem obviously as we are in the UK and nobody speaks Dutch apart from my husband, her son. She’s 78 and very fit. We may have a long journey ahead of us so need to be prepared!

 

[Beate]

I think your mother is going back in time memory-wise, to a time where she probably spoke predominantly Dutch. I'm bilingual and speak mostly English, but I've often thought, what if I wake up from surgery and only speak German to the nurses? It must be quite terrifying for her, not being understood.
Sorry, don't really have a solution.

 

[Bod]

It's not uncommon for a "native" language to be reverted to as things progress.
It might be useful for your husband to teach you "Speak in English please" in Dutch, and to have cards made with the same phonetically spelt for the care home staff.
Sometimes even reverting to a strong local accent can be as bad, broad strong Geordie spoken in Hampshire could well be not understood! Locally we have a lot of care staff who are Nepalese, lovely girls, but haven't heard of Newcastle on Tyne.

Bod

 

[Wendywood]

It's not uncommon for a "native" language to be reverted to as things progress.
It might be useful for your husband to teach you "Speak in English please" in Dutch, and to have cards made with the same phonetically spelt for the care home staff.
Sometimes even reverting to a strong local accent can be as bad, broad strong Geordie spoken in Hampshire could well be not understood! Locally we have a lot of care staff who are Nepalese, lovely girls, but haven't heard of Newcastle on Tyne.

Bod

Thank you for your reply - good advice. We will definitely do what you suggest!

 

[Guzelle]

My friend’s grandmother who had dementia was German but spoke English fluently and lived here but as the dementia progressed she only spoke German which was a problem in the care home. Her daughter spoke German so she could communicate with her.

 

[Marnie63]

It happened to my mum, and I agree with Beate that it's the dementia causing the person to speak a language from a time they are slipping back to. My mum was effectively tri-lingual (though English was her weakest!). We spoke one of the other languages at home, always had done, and she always conversed with the carers or medical staff in English, but as her dementia progressed, she reverted back to a third language which she spoke when she lived in that particular country. As time went on, I had to keep reminding her to speak 'our' language, and she was able to switch, right up until she died, but the default towards the end was always the third language. Fortunately I understood. We had an added 'complication' of mum being terrified whenever yet another certain language was used, which some carers and nurses tried to 'helpfully' use as a common language. I had to stop that quickly (it was highlighted in the care notes, but …) as it brought back her 'terrors' and I was left with the fallout after the individual had left. The joys of dementia.

I remember when I was with mum during her last days in hospital, there was a lady with dementia in a bay opposite who was speaking to staff in her own language, no one understood her. She seemed terrified. It was heart breaking.

 

[Beti George]

It happened to my mum, and I agree with Beate that it's the dementia causing the person to speak a language from a time they are slipping back to. My mum was effectively tri-lingual (though English was her weakest!). We spoke one of the other languages at home, always had done, and she always conversed with the carers or medical staff in English, but as her dementia progressed, she reverted back to a third language which she spoke when she lived in that particular country. As time went on, I had to keep reminding her to speak 'our' language, and she was able to switch, right up until she died, but the default towards the end was always the third language. Fortunately I understood. We had an added 'complication' of mum being terrified whenever yet another certain language was used, which some carers and nurses tried to 'helpfully' use as a common language. I had to stop that quickly (it was highlighted in the care notes, but …) as it brought back her 'terrors' and I was left with the fallout after the individual had left. The joys of dementia.

I remember when I was with mum during her last days in hospital, there was a lady with dementia in a bay opposite who was speaking to staff in her own language, no one understood her. She seemed terrified. It was heart breaking.

My mother in law is a Dutch national who has lived overseas most of her adult life. Until recently she could speak 3 languages fluently - French, English and Dutch. For a few months she has been mixing up English and Dutch - speaking to me and the children in Dutch. Usually tapping her on the shoulder and saying English would be enough to get her to change to English. Over the last 2 weeks though she is talking almost of the time to us in Dutch. When I say we don’t understand she gets cross in Dutch and tells us off. She is in a care home and seems to understand that she needs to speak English to the carers..for now!
My question is - does anybody have any experience of this? Will she lose her English completely and end up talking Dutch to everybody? A problem obviously as we are in the UK and nobody speaks Dutch apart from my husband, her son. She’s 78 and very fit. We may have a long journey ahead of us so need to be prepared!

It is a common phenomenon among Welsh speakers with Dementia

 

[Winnie10]

It is a common phenomenon among Welsh speakers with Dementia

My mother in law is a Dutch national who has lived overseas most of her adult life. Until recently she could speak 3 languages fluently - French, English and Dutch. For a few months she has been mixing up English and Dutch - speaking to me and the children in Dutch. Usually tapping her on the shoulder and saying English would be enough to get her to change to English. Over the last 2 weeks though she is talking almost of the time to us in Dutch. When I say we don’t understand she gets cross in Dutch and tells us off. She is in a care home and seems to understand that she needs to speak English to the carers..for now!
My question is - does anybody have any experience of this? Will she lose her English completely and end up talking Dutch to everybody? A problem obviously as we are in the UK and nobody speaks Dutch apart from my husband, her son. She’s 78 and very fit. We may have a long journey ahead of us so need to be prepared!

Yes as another member has said Welsh people often revert back to their first language. My Mum did. I couldn't speak Welsh but got to know what she was trying to tell me. It started as a mixture of languages then just the welsh. It is too difficult for them to translate to English in their head and leads to upset. A stay in hospital when staff kept saying to her I don't know what you are saying resulted in her not speaking at all. She understood what I was saying, but mainly just gave yes and no answers, smiled or frowned when she was sad. I got my aunt to teach me a few words like are you in pain?, cup of tea? Are you tired?
I think your Mum in law may lose her English. Smiling at someone with Dementia and holding their hand, as they may be frightened of what is happening to them, speaks a thousand words.
she can still enjoy conversations with your husband. Some days Mum even reverted back to the odd English sentences.

 

[jugglingmum]

I read this before and meant to comment.

I am not actually sure what language my mum learnt to speak when she was little, although I think that she probably learnt English and the other languages(russian, hebrew and Yiddish) at the same time as her mum would have spoken only english. I just hope she doesn't revert to a language I don't know. I do have a friend who speaks Russian who would happily teach me a few words but no idea re Yiddish. Think Hebrew might only have been learnt at the synagogue. I don't want to ask about them as don't want to cause upset.