A week off work but no rest

Teddy1960

Registered User
Oct 24, 2018
53
0
Day two of my week off work and already want to go back. Realisation setting in that my husband is struggling. Yes I suppose I miss this being at work my respite by the way.

I have painted a kitchen wall painted the bathroom coving, made lunch, done food shopping. He has been attempting to cut the lawn since lunchtime and will not give in.

My gosh this illness is taking him away and wearing me out in the process. Tomorrow I am out with my friend cant wait. Admiral nurse coming Thursday , I don't want him to be present because I have so much emotion I need to get out. Thinking going forward is it best to go away for a few days next holiday I would welcome any replies xxx

Help ,this is terrible every day I am losing him in my opinion, how do you cope further along the line.
 

lis66

Registered User
Aug 7, 2015
277
0
Hi teddy60, I feel for you I really do,my mum has Alzheimer's for six years ,the last two being the worst .I have had counseling which helps to talk ,but doesn't take the pain away of watching this horrible illness.I wish I could give you an answer of how to cope further down the line as I myself am finding it very very hard hopefully you will receive lots of advice on here xx
 

Teddy1960

Registered User
Oct 24, 2018
53
0
Hi teddy60, I feel for you I really do,my mum has Alzheimer's for six years ,the last two being the worst .I have had counseling which helps to talk ,but doesn't take the pain away of watching this horrible illness.I wish I could give you an answer of how to cope further down the line as I myself am finding it very very hard hopefully you will receive lots of advice on here xx
 

Grahamstown

Registered User
Jan 12, 2018
1,746
0
84
East of England
It is pretty terrible watching the man who was so competent gradually lose the ability to do the simplest of tasks. I am so sorry @Teddy1960 and I have fellow feeling as I have the same situation. My brother has come for a couple of days and the relief to have someone else undertake the taking him for a walk and a drink and chatting is immense. He doesn’t come very often but it is such welcome respite.
 

AliceA

Registered User
May 27, 2016
2,911
0
The sad truth is that we do lose the person from our 'older lives'. Life itself is always changing and always will. Some of the pain is our own resistance to change. I am not talking about blind acceptance, but of positive adaptation to new and changing circumstances.
It takes courage sometimes, it is tiring to say the least but there are rewards, they can be very hidden at first. We have survived as a species because we have adapted.
Look after your own needs and health too.
This may sound hard but what is the alternative. X
 

nae sporran

Registered User
Oct 29, 2014
9,213
0
Bristol
Sorry you have got to a stage with you husband's condition where it's getting so hard to cope Teddy. Have you got someone who can take him out for an hour or two while you speak to Admiral nurse. Like Lis66 I found counseling helpful just by having a space to let out spme of the emotions and fears to a human face, bit of course you will find sympathy here too. As for a wee holiday on your own if you can get your hisbanh in respite or find someone to look afrafhim at him, I did that last autumn and felt a bit lighter for the experience.
 

WA123

Registered User
Jan 20, 2018
85
0
Day two of my week off work and already want to go back. Realisation setting in that my husband is struggling. Yes I suppose I miss this being at work my respite by the way.

I have painted a kitchen wall painted the bathroom coving, made lunch, done food shopping. He has been attempting to cut the lawn since lunchtime and will not give in.

My gosh this illness is taking him away and wearing me out in the process. Tomorrow I am out with my friend cant wait. Admiral nurse coming Thursday , I don't want him to be present because I have so much emotion I need to get out. Thinking going forward is it best to go away for a few days next holiday I would welcome any replies xxx

Help ,this is terrible every day I am losing him in my opinion, how do you cope further along the line.

Hi @Teddy1960. I really struggled with my husband's diagnosis right up until the moment I accepted what was happening to us. Since then I've found that the further we get from our old life the harder it is to remember what that life was like. Acceptance really is the key. You can't change what's happening, you can only change how you view it and if you can do that life will get easier.
 

Grahamstown

Registered User
Jan 12, 2018
1,746
0
84
East of England
We not only lose a part of them but we constantly lose a part of ourselves on a daily basis.
You are so right and I really am feeling it now as simple skills are lost and it does affect me too. It’s very hard to keep a sense of self that’s not related to their condition, hard to think about anything else and I have to work hard to do that. It’s like living with a shell of the person you knew but they are still a person.
 

dancer12

Registered User
Jan 9, 2017
498
0
Mississauga
You are so right and I really am feeling it now as simple skills are lost and it does affect me too. It’s very hard to keep a sense of self that’s not related to their condition, hard to think about anything else and I have to work hard to do that. It’s like living with a shell of the person you knew but they are still a person.
Hi Grahamstown:

It's all so sad. I believe it really affects us more than them in the middle & later stages. They don't see the changes in themselves but we see the changes in them and also in us. Everybody says "take good care of yourself" but how is that done when they are constantly looking for you and you want to be there for them. It's all so simple when you are on the outside looking in.:) We all do the best we can for them and hopefully we can have a little time for ourselves, but it's not easy and not to many people understand how difficult it really is.
 

Banabarama

Registered User
Dec 28, 2018
62
0
Sussex
Hi Grahamstown:

It's all so sad. I believe it really affects us more than them in the middle & later stages. They don't see the changes in themselves but we see the changes in them and also in us. Everybody says "take good care of yourself" but how is that done when they are constantly looking for you and you want to be there for them. It's all so simple when you are on the outside looking in.:) We all do the best we can for them and hopefully we can have a little time for ourselves, but it's not easy and not to many people understand how difficult it really is.
You are so right in saying no-one understands. I get quite annoyed at some of the so-called advice from people who have no idea. It can be so dismissive.
 

lis66

Registered User
Aug 7, 2015
277
0
Totally agree noone understands unless they are living with this horrundeous illness
 

charlie10

Registered User
Dec 20, 2018
394
0
Maybe if you have family/friends who don't understand dementia and the toll it takes on carers, you could point them towards TP? Before I started reading posts on the forum I had a rough idea about dementia and how it unfolds, but the eye-opener has been reading people's stories and all the 'details' that you often don't hear about. As a hands-off carer I am truly humbled by the care and respect 'amateur' (only in the sense that they are not paid!) carers give....you are all truly exceptional people, whether you chose to do it or drifted into it, and I feel quite guilty that I have never understood, or even given a moment's thought, to the burden that some people live with, until I met TP. I don't want to sound patronising but you are all truly unsung heroes :):cool::p:D