Dad has diabetes and a recent dementia diagnosis. He lives alone although he has two visits every day from close members of the family in order to try and keep him as safe as possible. In recent weeks however he is forgetting to eat meals, even though they have been prepared and left ready for him, and seems to forget to take his insulin etc from time to time. Is there any useful information you could share with regards to is it safer to look for residential care for him or will the upheaval from his own home be more traumatic for him than the worry we have wondering if he is safe?
Residential care v living at home
- Thread starter Sahsah
- Start date
Home v care home is a very difficult decision. PWD can take quite a “hit” when taken out of their familiar surroundings, we were warned when searching for a care home that Mum’s dementia would almost certainly worsen appreciably. It can take many weeks for the PWD to adjust to living in a care home and witnessing the distress and constant pleas to go home can be very distressing for the family. And of course there are a range of homes so it may be difficult to decide which is suitable for your father. We saw some utter hell holes during our research and others which were considerably better staffed and more homely.
But on the positive side, once your father is in the right home and has settled, you can find reassurance that his needs are being met and he is safe and cared for. If he lives alone, he may find comfort in friendships with people who are on the same journey.
Mum is still in her own home but we have selected the right care home for her and her name is on a waiting list. I have been utterly torn between keeping at home and placing her in care. I am now confident that she will have her needs better met in the home that we have selected and are just waiting for the right moment to introduce her to it, with the help of the staff there.
My advice would be to research care homes or nursing homes (depending on his needs) and get his name on a list. It is much better to be prepared than to have to rush around trying to find somewhere in an emergency. You don’t have to accept a place if one comes up, until you are ready. Once you and your family have made the decision you will feel calmer.
But on the positive side, once your father is in the right home and has settled, you can find reassurance that his needs are being met and he is safe and cared for. If he lives alone, he may find comfort in friendships with people who are on the same journey.
Mum is still in her own home but we have selected the right care home for her and her name is on a waiting list. I have been utterly torn between keeping at home and placing her in care. I am now confident that she will have her needs better met in the home that we have selected and are just waiting for the right moment to introduce her to it, with the help of the staff there.
My advice would be to research care homes or nursing homes (depending on his needs) and get his name on a list. It is much better to be prepared than to have to rush around trying to find somewhere in an emergency. You don’t have to accept a place if one comes up, until you are ready. Once you and your family have made the decision you will feel calmer.
For a while my mum managed with the support of carers 4 times per day but as her condition has worsened we have her name on the waiting list for a dementia unit in a local care home. It isn't an easy decision and we wanted to try again at home after her most recent spell in hospital. Sadly it hasn't worked out the way I hoped. Her dementia has got worse we haven't got back to the point that she was at before breaking her hip and she isn't safe on her own.
I would think you need a Social Services assessment to decide what type of care he needs. He might manage fine with a carer going in at lunch time to give him his meal if he is in the early stages of dementia. When my mum didn't have carers she would tend just to have a biscuit and not eat. After she had been hospital one of the conditions of coming home was carers 4 times per day. It was amazing how much better she looked with carers visiting her making sure she ate and took her medication. If he is self funding you can choose what care you want.
I would think you need a Social Services assessment to decide what type of care he needs. He might manage fine with a carer going in at lunch time to give him his meal if he is in the early stages of dementia. When my mum didn't have carers she would tend just to have a biscuit and not eat. After she had been hospital one of the conditions of coming home was carers 4 times per day. It was amazing how much better she looked with carers visiting her making sure she ate and took her medication. If he is self funding you can choose what care you want.
My mother-in-law was in a very similar position she lived on her own although she did not have diabetes. She lost the capacity to prepare and plan meals. I'm afraid the only way we found of getting her to eat was for a carer to come in at lunch time and prepare her something. She was self-funding so we never went via social services we just organised it ourselves.
We found that my mother-in-law responded better to the social company of having someone with her to chat to while she ate her meal. We employed a carer to come in 7 days a week at lunchtime to put a ready meal into the microwave and they also made sure she had a drink left for her. She managed quite well with this arrangement for a couple of years but as her condition deteriorated she was no longer safe in her own home . Eventually it came to the point after a short spell in hospital that we decided she could no longer live safely on her own . During the period when she was in her own home we also had a morning carer to come in 7 days a week to prompt her medication
If you want your father to remain at home for longer you need some additional care. Whoever visits and prepares food needs to sit with him while he eats it. That is one of the reasons my mother started to have carers in - she couldn't prepare food but she also didn't remember to eat it even if left for her. Having carers at home worked fine for 18 months, and she then moved to a care home.
In terms of deterioration when entering a care home... well I haven't noticed any really. My mother was agitated for a few weeks and then seemed to go back to normal (her normal). Next week she will have been in a care home for a year, there have been slight changes but she has good care and feels secure and contented - I suspect she would have deteriorated more at home because she was often alone and anxious. She also started having falls and now has access to instant help, whereas at home she could have been on the floor for hours waiting for the next carer. It depends on the individual but some people get on very well in a care home.
If he is self funding you can start looking at care homes because the decision will be between you and your father. But if he needs local authority funding you need to involve Social Services so they can assess him. They would almost certainly try to keep him at home a while longer, with carer visits, simply because it's cheaper.
In terms of deterioration when entering a care home... well I haven't noticed any really. My mother was agitated for a few weeks and then seemed to go back to normal (her normal). Next week she will have been in a care home for a year, there have been slight changes but she has good care and feels secure and contented - I suspect she would have deteriorated more at home because she was often alone and anxious. She also started having falls and now has access to instant help, whereas at home she could have been on the floor for hours waiting for the next carer. It depends on the individual but some people get on very well in a care home.
If he is self funding you can start looking at care homes because the decision will be between you and your father. But if he needs local authority funding you need to involve Social Services so they can assess him. They would almost certainly try to keep him at home a while longer, with carer visits, simply because it's cheaper.
My mum is almost 83 and diagnosed with Alzheimers June last year. She is also diabetic and following admission to hospital due to erratic eating and missed medication she was discharged and prescribed insulin. She came out with a care package ( free for 6/8 weeks) that was carers 3 times a day to 'prompt' oral medication. A district nurse visit to administer the insulin and meal delivery service ( soup, main meal and pudding and also a snack meal of sandwich, yoghurt and fruit) l also visit once a day after work and twice at weekends and also she pays someone to visit for a couple of hours each day.
I am very interested in the replies as l am worried that mum would be better in a care home rather than living alone but she lives close to me and has always said she would rather stay at home.
I guess my point to you is that between district nurses and maybe hot meal delivery and family visits he would be happier at home..
I am very interested in the replies as l am worried that mum would be better in a care home rather than living alone but she lives close to me and has always said she would rather stay at home.
I guess my point to you is that between district nurses and maybe hot meal delivery and family visits he would be happier at home..
Thank you so much for taking the time to share your experience. What you say makes sense and I am simply looking to come up with a plan now that we can put in place as and when needed in the future.
Thank you for your reply. Yes these are the sort of things we are balancing in the hope of making the right decision re safety v lack of upheaval. Many thanks for sharing.
Thank you so much for sharing, whilst obviously I do know that so many other people face these same daily challenges it is helpful to hear that others are on that same journey. Your circumstances almost mirror our families and I am lucky that my brother shares the care very evenly with me. Maybe we do need more support during the day now given the medication and meals seem to be missed more regularly. Lots of food for thought from the kind people who have made time to explain how they manage things. Hope you get something useful from these responses too. Best wishes to you, your mum and your family
When making a decision about home versus care home, or even bridging the transition between, you might want to consider respite. Either in terms of a week at a care home, to see how they get on, or as we did with my Mum, a few days a week "day care" at a care home. This gave my Dad, her carer, a break and allowed my Mum to get to know the staff and residents at a care home where she now lives. I think it made the transition easier for all
