My Mum died today - FTD

[JumpingJames]

I am a 29 y o gentleman and my Mum died today from the complications of frontotemporal dementia since being diagnosed in 2014. I wasn't there unfortunately (I'm not sure if I would have liked to have been). I did not think she would die to be honest because I was with her just one week ago and she looked ok and quite alert. My Dad died six months ago suddenly and my grief was quite instant and profound but I quickly got over it. Weirdly, since I have found out my Mum has died I do not feel sad and am not crying (only a little) and not grieving really and I am thinking I am weird for not really feeling any sadness even though I loved her.

 

[karaokePete]

Firstly, may I express my condolences for the loss of both parents in such a short period of time.

You have come to the right place for understanding and support.

Grief is a personal and very individual thing so you may grieve for your Mum when the shock of the suddenness subsides. Be easy on yourself.

 

[Beate]

Grief is very personal. There is no right or wrong way of doing it. You might just still be in shock. Please don't beat yourself up about your reaction. It's natural either way.

 

[JumpingJames]

I have no regrets about my behaviour or anything I have done while she was alive at all. But because I loved her so much (mummy's boy), I have always said to myself when she dies I will probably kill myself. But I don't feel that way at all. I am just thinking death happens to us all. And I never knew my grandparents but I think my mum went through this with her mum and dad's deaths and she got though it.

 

[karaokePete]

If you feel the need to chat to someone at any time we have a helpline, as do the Samaritans, details of both are as follows

National Dementia Helpline
0300 222 11 22
Our helpline advisers are here for you.
Helpline opening hours:
Monday to Wednesday 9am – 8pm
Thursday and Friday 9am – 5pm
Saturday and Sunday 10am – 4pm


Samaritans: Call 116 123 or email jo@samaritans.org
Open 24 hours, 365 days a year

Also, your GP may be of assistance at this time.

Now that you have found us I hope you will keep posting as the membership has vast collective knowledge and experience.

 

[JumpingJames]

Thanks.

 

[nae sporran]

Can I just add my condolences on the loss of your mum, JumpingJames.

 

[marionq]

You may well just be feeling relief that she has been released from what can be a cruel illness. That is an honourable reaction. No one wants someone they love to suffer. Good wishes for the future.

 

[Izzy]

I'm sorry to read about your mum and I send my condolences.

Like others have said grief is a very personal thing and is different for everyone. I know it's a bit of a cliche but I have found it a real rollercoaster of emotions.

You clearly loved your mum very much and how you feel now is certainly not weird. I'm glad you have been able to share here and I hope it has helped. As Pete said giving the Helpline a ring might be a good idea.

Wishing you strength.

 

[MrCanuck]

I understand, i think, what you are going through. My dad died when I wasn't really expecting it and I went through a full grieving process. I expected to feel something similar when my mom died but it wasn't like that at all. Its been 11 months since mom's been gone now and I'm still waiting for it to fully hit me.

There is a component of relief but the fact is, with my dad it was somewhat sudden while with my mom, well, I'd started to grieve upon her dementia diagnosis and continued in various ways throughout her illness. Its called anticipatory grieving. Its not that you are not grieving now, its likely that you have been grieving bit by bit for a long time, and you are in a different emotional place that were you were when your father passed.