Time for separate bedrooms?

[northumbrian_k]

I've been making some changes to make a separate bedroom for me a possibility. My wardrobe and drawers are now in the spare room and I have ordered a new mattress for the bed (long overdue). It comes with a (maybe gimmicky) 100 night trial period. That might be an excuse for me sleeping in that bed for long enough for my wife to get used to the separate arrangements, unless of course she insists on trying it too!

 

[marionq]

I'm struck by how accommodating the two above posts are. We adapt to the foibles and demands of our loved ones daily because to argue develops into a loop. John's day centre reported to me on Tuesday that he had raised his fist and shook it at a carer. This is not at all typical of him and so I spoke to him about it. He was quite appalled and said he must have picked up a bad habit from someone. This is a more polished version of " It wisnae me, honest".

I had intended to apologise to the very nice carer today when they picked John up in the minibus. Lo and behold John had three bad falls during the night and was taken to our local hospital by ambulance with some kind of infection where he will be for the next few days.

Now, how is that for an excuse for bad behaviour? Just as well I am a very light sleeper now I am in a separate bedroom.

 

[northumbrian_k]

My wife would not undress for bed last night for the second night in a row so I left her to get herself to bed and went into the other room, where I spent an undisturbed night. That may be a start to different, permanent sleeping arrangements.

 

[LadyA]

I've been making some changes to make a separate bedroom for me a possibility. My wardrobe and drawers are now in the spare room and I have ordered a new mattress for the bed (long overdue). It comes with a (maybe gimmicky) 100 night trial period. That might be an excuse for me sleeping in that bed for long enough for my wife to get used to the separate arrangements,

If she does decide to join you just explain: "Oh, this is a men's mattress. They do special ones for ladies. Shall we get a ladies mattress for your bed?"

 

[northumbrian_k]

There was a loud thump last night just after we had gone to our separate bedrooms. My wife had become disorientated, mistaking a tall wood-framed mirror for the bedroom door. The now lopsided mirror was left hanging by just one screw, the other one having had its fitting pulled out of the wall. I took the mirror down before it fell then went back to bed. No harm done. My wife has problems with reflections in windows but not so far with mirrors, but I'm wondering whether it is worth remounting. After that we had a peaceful night.

 

[maryjoan]

My wife would not undress for bed last night for the second night in a row so I left her to get herself to bed and went into the other room, where I spent an undisturbed night. That may be a start to different, permanent sleeping arrangements.

I think we have to protect our own well being - mind or body - as far as we can. I have slept in my own room for 2 years now - it is my space - I have the bedding I want, the windows open if I want - and am much happier than sleeping with a man who thrashes around, does not shower, has a leaky stoma bag, and keeps his room in a state of dis array.....Go for it, and I hope your nights are better for it..... why keep an empty bedroom, when sharing causes bad nights?

 

[northumbrian_k]

My new mattress in its box was carried upstairs by the courier when he delivered it yesterday. I moved it straight into my bedroom. My wife did not ask what it was and it is now on the bed with a new sheet just waiting for the second night of my 100 night trial. The separate sleeping arrangements don’t seem to be bothering my wife and the dog is adjusting to it. After next week's respite break separate bedrooms will be the new norm.

 

[wightdancer]

My wife and I have been together since 1964 and always slept together in the same bed until about 2005 when I would often wake in the morning to find her side of the bed empty. She said my snoring woke her so would go to the spare room to sleep.
After a few months of trying different remedies to cure my snoring (none of which worked) we decided to make the separate bedroom a normal routine. We both had great undisturbed sleep after that.
Sadly, in 2014 my wife was diagnosed with Alzheimer's so our separate bedrooms has become really practical as she often gets up in the night to rearrange her room and try on various clothes. The dog sleeps on her bed and seems to not mind having clothes piled in it on occasions! Meanwhile I usually sleep through undisturbed. The dog will come and jump on my bed if my wife leaves her room so that's a great alarm system.