Frustrating
- Thread starter HazieP
- Start date
We all of us snap at some point or another. It can be the smallest thing that triggers it.
I can, at this stage of OH's life, walk away and put myself somewhere else until I have calmed down enough to cope. I practice yoga, meditate a little as well, but I realise that not everyone has the luxury of this.
I think getting some help, even if it is only once a week, would be good for you. When my daughter stepped up and started to help me with her Dad it made such a difference to me.
Don't feel guilty, very easy for me to say, but try not to, this disease tries the patience of saints!
I can, at this stage of OH's life, walk away and put myself somewhere else until I have calmed down enough to cope. I practice yoga, meditate a little as well, but I realise that not everyone has the luxury of this.
I think getting some help, even if it is only once a week, would be good for you. When my daughter stepped up and started to help me with her Dad it made such a difference to me.
Don't feel guilty, very easy for me to say, but try not to, this disease tries the patience of saints!
On a really bad day I'll go and shut myself in the loo and have a good cry. Sometimes I just go and wash up in the kitchen and I'm crying as I wash up. My husband doesn't notice.
Someone once told me it's okay to shout as the PWD soon forgets what's happened.
But don't feel guilty, whatever you do don't feel guilty. You have enough to cope with without adding guilt.
Please don’t feel guilty @HazieP because the frustrations of this disease are enough to try the patience of a saint. I get cross a lot but have got a bit better at controlling it by logging on to TP and seeing that many others are struggling to control their frustrations too. This morning he is sitting reading his iPad breathing as if it’s his last breath and it drives me crazy. I am sure it is the disease that makes him do this but it is still abnormal. I got quite cross, sent him to make a cup of coffee to help him to remember how to do it, and had a little read on here and saw your post. When he went to make the coffee you would have thought that he was climbing a very steep hill. Doctor tomorrow anyway so will make sure it’s not serious just his system struggling. We all struggle on so take heart.
Do tell us what the doctor says @Grahamstown because I've noticed my husband doing this recently. Not all the time, just now and then.
What you said takes some thinking about. My probationary year was with secondary school boys in a dockland area. I was only woman on staff. First term hell.
love and best, Geraldinexxx
I found when looking after dad in his home when I could feel my hackles rising the only thing that helped was removing myself from the same room and taking time out even just for 10 minutes. Making a cup of tea...going upstairs to put clothes away..having a walk around the garden etc. When he was in his NH...I just used to do the same...go and make a cup of tea...talk to another relative etc. Anything I could think of just to break the situation before trying again.
This illness is so blooming hard and an emotional rollercoaster for carers.
This illness is so blooming hard and an emotional rollercoaster for carers.
Forgive yourself and try to move on.
Frankly, I would think it is the rare exception on Talking Point who has not been pushed beyond patience or has been unaffected by dealing with this disease. In the early stages for me it was extremely difficult, because there was so much "hosting" behavior and for many years, I heard from friends and family how after a brief encounter with him, they found it helpful to tell me great he was or that they could see nothing wrong. I found this tough as I was dealing with the "unhosting mode" which was not easy.
Get as much help as you can. Find solutions, so that you can still enjoy your life.
It may cost you some of your own money. Contact volunteer groups or churches. Get out and do your own thing as much as possible. I suggest you do not give up your own personal interests.
Frankly, I would think it is the rare exception on Talking Point who has not been pushed beyond patience or has been unaffected by dealing with this disease. In the early stages for me it was extremely difficult, because there was so much "hosting" behavior and for many years, I heard from friends and family how after a brief encounter with him, they found it helpful to tell me great he was or that they could see nothing wrong. I found this tough as I was dealing with the "unhosting mode" which was not easy.
Get as much help as you can. Find solutions, so that you can still enjoy your life.
It may cost you some of your own money. Contact volunteer groups or churches. Get out and do your own thing as much as possible. I suggest you do not give up your own personal interests.
The doctor observed him very carefully and saw that the breathing stopped when he was talking with him and started again when not. Doctor said that it has become a habit and that it is part of the disease. I think so too, because when he is concentrating on something like a TV show he likes or we have visitors he doesn’t do it. When he doesn’t know what to do with himself he breathes heavily and very shallow, huffing and puffing I call it, like a train. I ask him to stop and he does try, but I realise that he can’t help it.
Have you tried a white board and writing what is happening today on it?
Eventually they get past this and forget to look, but it can work quite well for a while.
If he is past using this then Im afraid that the only thing to do is to find someone to sit with him while you are out.
You may be lucky and find a friend or relative who will commit to this, but probably you will have to pay someone. Some organisations like Crossroads have a befriending service.
Have you had a carer's assessment? Have you contacted social services? I do realise that the help available differs from area to area. My doctor contacted social services on my behalf and I had a visit from them. They assessed that I was unable to do things as my husband could not be left alone as he would be unable to remember where I was and could possibly go out looking for me. They therefore granted me two hours a week for a carer to sit with him so I could go out on my own. I am also able to carry these two hours forward and have a four hours break every two weeks if I wanted to. I've done this a couple of times and he was okay being left with a carer for four hours.
I have a similar carer -but he’s away at the moment though - my husband really sees him as a friend and is able to keep a conversation going and they get along really well - it’s subsidised Care and so very cheap -$5 per hour - but he is so popular I haven’t been able to get more time - but it’s excellent!
The heavy breathing does sound tedious - my husband throws up - or spits out - lots of meals - he can’t help it either and barely complains - at most he might say “it’s not fair “ when he just can’t eat a favourite meal!
