Neighbours have gone

[dancer12]

Update on next door situation. The cat is still there I have been feeding and watering it through the letter box. I rang the RSPCA last night and they've been great, they have managed to find the son in law who is looking after the cat (although he hasn't been there for the past 2 days). I received a call from the RSPA saying they are next door so I went over to meet the son in law. He told me that the husband (carer) has died. I was so shocked, but looking back before Christmas he was a broken man could hardly speak or function, never mind looking after a difficult pwd. My email to social services went unanswered or acted on in any way, I feel they have let him down, he has now paid the ultimate price. Shocking.

Hi padmag:

It's all so sad. The world has become a place here only the strong survive. Canary is so right carers do have to ask for assistance before anything can be done, and that is not right, some just don't ask. The whole medical field should be updated, upon diagnosis, to make sure that the necessities of life are met ( not only for the person afflicted with the illness but the carer as well).

 

[Guzelle]

The help and care for people with dementia is non existent if you don’t keep knocking on health officials doors you get left to cope alone and it becomes impossible to cope with mental illness alone. Where was their GP in this.?

 

[padmag]

The help and care for people with dementia is non existent if you don’t keep knocking on health officials doors you get left to cope alone and it becomes impossible to cope with mental illness alone. Where was their GP in this.?

The help and care for people with dementia is non existent if you don’t keep knocking on health officials doors you get left to cope alone and it becomes impossible to cope with mental illness alone. Where was their GP in this.?

I don't know Guzelle, I would have thought the social services should have organised a visit from a GP for him, I don't think he was capable of any decisions, seems to me the services are just not joined up.

 

[Guzelle]

Very sad situation but it’s happrning all the time. There was a case near where I live I didn’t know them but the wife had dementia and stabbed her husband to death.I don’t know any details I’ve heard there is a court case in March x

 

[dancer12]

The help and care for people with dementia is non existent if you don’t keep knocking on health officials doors you get left to cope alone and it becomes impossible to cope with mental illness alone. Where was their GP in this.?

Hi Guzelle:

So true, so true. Often times we are ill ourselves and can't cope as well as we should. It is so scary at times when we really have no place to go and nobody seems to have the time and/or knowledge to care.

 

[TheBearsMummy]

With regards to the cat our PWD's whole life revolves around the cat and she would be lost without him. He is her reason to get up, he spends most of the day sitting beside her and he sleeps on her bed at night, she is up and down all day feeding him and letting him in and out. Fortunately he is not greedy and only eats when he needs to though I'm not sure what he thinks to some of the things she puts down for him - jam sandwiches and rhubarb crumble are a couple of things I have thrown away.
He doesn't need a litter tray, he was a stray that lived outside before adopting her when her previous cat died

 

[padmag]

With regards to the cat our PWD's whole life revolves around the cat and she would be lost without him. He is her reason to get up, he spends most of the day sitting beside her and he sleeps on her bed at night, she is up and down all day feeding him and letting him in and out. Fortunately he is not greedy and only eats when he needs to though I'm not sure what he thinks to some of the things she puts down for him - jam sandwiches and rhubarb crumble are a couple of things I have thrown away.
He doesn't need a litter tray, he was a stray that lived outside before adopting her when her previous cat died

that's nice for your pwd, I love animals and we had 2 cats and 1 dog (all adopted by us) living together very happily to a ripe old age, and they did enrich our lives. I miss them and their antics. Cats are very fussy, I know our dog (it was a lab.) would have scoffed anything in sight!

 

[padmag]

Oh no the cat's outside on the shed roof calling to me! I can only think the poor thing has been outside all night in the freezing temperatures. It looks old and thin I feel really sorry for it. I've fed it and called the RSPCA. The son in law yesterday let the cat out and commented to me he can't wait all day for it to come back so it must have been out all night, they don't have a cat flap. RSPCA have logged my called but didn't promise anything as i can't prove that no one has been there in 24 hours. I know no one has been there and the son in law lives about 20 miles away. Richard is at the day centre, supposed to be my respite but that isn't happening. I don't know whether to phone around to see if a charity would take the cat, but then would that be stealing?

 

[kindred]

Oh no the cat's outside on the shed roof calling to me! I can only think the poor thing has been outside all night in the freezing temperatures. It looks old and thin I feel really sorry for it. I've fed it and called the RSPCA. The son in law yesterday let the cat out and commented to me he can't wait all day for it to come back so it must have been out all night, they don't have a cat flap. RSPCA have logged my called but didn't promise anything as i can't prove that no one has been there in 24 hours. I know no one has been there and the son in law lives about 20 miles away. Richard is at the day centre, supposed to be my respite but that isn't happening. I don't know whether to phone around to see if a charity would take the cat, but then would that be stealing?

Well it just might be a risk worth taking .... Gxxx

 

[TheBearsMummy]

If it was me the cat would be in front of a heater with a bowl of food but I realise this may not be possible for you. Is there a local cat rescue centre near to you? They will know how to deal with the situation

 

[PalSal]

@padmag
This was a truly horrific story. I am glad you were a caring neighbor and I am glad that the poor cat has been rescued.......pity the elderly carer died in such despair.
I also think in the case of the elderly carers caring for elderly dementia, the systems are so complicated and trying to get help is difficult .....navigating the Social Services, etc. They need "Angels" to help them to navigate the system and fill out difficult paperwork and follow thru with all the necessary meeting and evaluations.
I think what Canary says is true. There are those who do not want help or find shame in seeking help.
I just said this on another post to a early on set carer.
I was given really sage advice when my husband was first diagnosised.
Start involving other people in his care as soon as possible. (Paid carers, outsiders, friends volunteers if you can find them)
If you need to move do it early so the person can adjust. (I did not take that advice but wish I had now...)
Take good care of yourself by continuing to have a life of one's own, my husband has no interest in anything other than walking. I have wide and varied interests (and work of course, out of necessity during the early years.) But I am still active in a classical singing ensemble, play and sing in a Rock band, go to art exhibitions and hold a season ticket for the Sinfonieorchester and attend many concerts of all genres.
Have a plan for if you fall ill yourself, meals on Wheels and interim care. No one has a crystal ball.

 

[Banabarama]

padmag just read this tragic tale. That poor poor man. And his wife of course. I do hope the cat finds a nice home. Animals pick up on moods don’t they. He/she must be quite insecure and in need of some tlc.

 

[padmag]

Well it just might be a risk worth taking .... Gxxx

Thanks to all of you for your replies and different advice. Update is the nice RSPCA man I saw yesterday said that the son in law is definitely coming over every day - he works different hours and to be honest I've seen his van tonight. RSPCA had a long conversation with me saying that the tom cat was not neutured and would be off on his jaunts like tomcats do. He said he asked the son in law if he could take him (had the cage ready) so he could have him neutured and his injections, and get him rehomed, as it was at risk from leukaemia and other diseases as we know tomcats fight. The son in law wouldn't let him be taken away -goodness knows why! RSPCA man also told me that they had taken pidgeons, doves, rabbits hens and ducks from their address, i knew they had some animals but not that many! At one stage they had a goose that used to try and peck people through the hedgeOh and I saw a couple of rats on their yard when I took some water, yikes, the saga goes on.

 

[padmag]

If it was me the cat would be in front of a heater with a bowl of food but I realise this may not be possible for you. Is there a local cat rescue centre near to you? They will know how to deal with the situation

me too but I couldn't cope with litter trays, I have enough on in that department ..........at the moment. Ordinarily I would whisk it off to the vet and have the poor animal. I will continue feeding it, have stocked up on cat food.

 

[padmag]

@padmag
This was a truly horrific story. I am glad you were a caring neighbor and I am glad that the poor cat has been rescued.......pity the elderly carer died in such despair.
I also think in the case of the elderly carers caring for elderly dementia, the systems are so complicated and trying to get help is difficult .....navigating the Social Services, etc. They need "Angels" to help them to navigate the system and fill out difficult paperwork and follow thru with all the necessary meeting and evaluations.
I think what Canary says is true. There are those who do not want help or find shame in seeking help.
I just said this on another post to a early on set carer.
I was given really sage advice when my husband was first diagnosised.
Start involving other people in his care as soon as possible. (Paid carers, outsiders, friends volunteers if you can find them)
If you need to move do it early so the person can adjust. (I did not take that advice but wish I had now...)
Take good care of yourself by continuing to have a life of one's own, my husband has no interest in anything other than walking. I have wide and varied interests (and work of course, out of necessity during the early years.) But I am still active in a classical singing ensemble, play and sing in a Rock band, go to art exhibitions and hold a season ticket for the Sinfonieorchester and attend many concerts of all genres.
Have a plan for if you fall ill yourself, meals on Wheels and interim care. No one has a crystal ball.

Thanks Palsal I can see from your posts how you cope and I'm full of admiration for you. I wish I was as organised. You say a lot of sense, but it's hard to make sense sometimes of what we are coping with and as you say we need help on this journey. I have had to fight for everything for Richard, and at times it has worn me down. Some of us are stronger than others, and my poor neighbour really wanted help (he confided in me many times), but his wife pwd, was very bossy and overbearing (sorry this was her character). It was her that insisted they had the animals, he didn't just need help he needed saving.

 

[PalSal]

Thanks Palsal I can see from your posts how you cope and I'm full of admiration for you. I wish I was as organised. You say a lot of sense, but it's hard to make sense sometimes of what we are coping with and as you say we need help on this journey. I have had to fight for everything for Richard, and at times it has worn me down. Some of us are stronger than others, and my poor neighbour really wanted help (he confided in me many times), but his wife pwd, was very bossy and overbearing (sorry this was her character). It was her that insisted they had the animals, he didn't just need help he needed saving.

Poor poor man. I must say I feel most judgemental about the son. Where was he when his dad was suffering so. But of course, I have no information about the son other than he exists. Perhaps he has a full plate of obligations and unable to provide any assistance. This is such a sad story.

 

[Grannie G]

Sometimes it`s not easy to help and there`s a fine line between helping and invading the privacy of proud people.

Please don`t riddle yourself with guilt @padmag

I had a neighbour who did allow me to help him once he became ill and a close friend asked me to keep an eye on him. At the same time I had reports of ex-neighbours shutting themselves off from the world and refusing help from anyone.