I wanted to post this to show anyone heading along a similar road that it can all turn out OK in the end!
Last year I posted a few times about my mum who was 90, living alone with dementia and me being her only child, juggling a full time job with my own family and daily care for her. I finally got a care package after a lot of fighting for it, in November but it was all too little too late, and in early December she suffered several falls, 2 UTI's and ended up in hospital with a fractured pelvis for 5 weeks.
Mum isn't self funding so trying to get SS to agree to residential care was very hard, but once she was in hospital, they really couldn't ignore it any longer and decided to discharge her to a contract bed in a care home. Just two and a half weeks ago I was feeling really anxious. I was given one choice of home, 9 miles from home. Having seen another home from the same group locally, I was feeling pretty miserable as it was a soulless place which filled me with dismay when I thought of my poor mum there.
I agreed to go and see the proposed home and am so glad I did. What a difference! It was bright, clean and cheerful. Staff and residents were smiley and happy and there was so much going on. It was also walking distance of my son's secondary school and although not hear to home for us, only a 10 minute drive from where I work. I agreed to mum being moved there and last Weds collected her from hospital and we began the next stage of her journey.
I had high hopes on arrival that all would be well as she seemed very happy and was chatting to other residents while I unpacked and sorted her room. However, a carer came to say she'd asked 'Where's my daugher? Tell her to get here NOW!" When I went to see what was the matter, she refused to speak to me and just gave me filthy looks. In the end I said I'd pop home but would she like me to go back with my son after school (she adores him) to which I got a firm 'No!" So I left. By this time, only a couple of hours after arriving, the staff had suggested she might have a UTI. Testing her wee proved positive and her GP refused antibiotics!! The home were wonderful and put up with some really bad behaviour from her on Thursday and Friday - refusing to go to bed, 2 minor falls, attempting to kick and hit carers at night. They sorted her registration with their GP who promptly gave her antibiotics and on Saturday when I gingerly visited for the first time since Weds, she was a different person. We all headed to the day room and had lovely tea and coffee and enjoyed our time together. She was clean and smart and quite content.
Yesterday when I visited she had made friends with a little lady whose dementia seems more advanced than mum. Mum was being very caring and protective and they kept hugging and holding hands. Mum kept reassuring her and saying 'Don't worry - it'll all be alright. We've got each other!" It was heartwarming!
Amusingly, mum's new friend kept looking blankly at her watch. Mum smiled reassuringly and said "Yes, its a cheesewaffle! Look I've got a cheesewaffle too!" and pointed to her own wristwatch! I had to smile!
So, I just want to let anyone who may be about to embark on this stage of the journey that it CAN work out and even the hiccups on the way can be managed and overcome and our loved ones settled and content. I'm under no illusion that mum may not still have her days when she's not happy and wants to go home etc, but for now, knowing she is safe, warm, cared for, and has plenty to do is enough! And for all of you, I wish you at least some moments of contentment with your loved ones too...xxxx
Last year I posted a few times about my mum who was 90, living alone with dementia and me being her only child, juggling a full time job with my own family and daily care for her. I finally got a care package after a lot of fighting for it, in November but it was all too little too late, and in early December she suffered several falls, 2 UTI's and ended up in hospital with a fractured pelvis for 5 weeks.
Mum isn't self funding so trying to get SS to agree to residential care was very hard, but once she was in hospital, they really couldn't ignore it any longer and decided to discharge her to a contract bed in a care home. Just two and a half weeks ago I was feeling really anxious. I was given one choice of home, 9 miles from home. Having seen another home from the same group locally, I was feeling pretty miserable as it was a soulless place which filled me with dismay when I thought of my poor mum there.
I agreed to go and see the proposed home and am so glad I did. What a difference! It was bright, clean and cheerful. Staff and residents were smiley and happy and there was so much going on. It was also walking distance of my son's secondary school and although not hear to home for us, only a 10 minute drive from where I work. I agreed to mum being moved there and last Weds collected her from hospital and we began the next stage of her journey.
I had high hopes on arrival that all would be well as she seemed very happy and was chatting to other residents while I unpacked and sorted her room. However, a carer came to say she'd asked 'Where's my daugher? Tell her to get here NOW!" When I went to see what was the matter, she refused to speak to me and just gave me filthy looks. In the end I said I'd pop home but would she like me to go back with my son after school (she adores him) to which I got a firm 'No!" So I left. By this time, only a couple of hours after arriving, the staff had suggested she might have a UTI. Testing her wee proved positive and her GP refused antibiotics!! The home were wonderful and put up with some really bad behaviour from her on Thursday and Friday - refusing to go to bed, 2 minor falls, attempting to kick and hit carers at night. They sorted her registration with their GP who promptly gave her antibiotics and on Saturday when I gingerly visited for the first time since Weds, she was a different person. We all headed to the day room and had lovely tea and coffee and enjoyed our time together. She was clean and smart and quite content.
Yesterday when I visited she had made friends with a little lady whose dementia seems more advanced than mum. Mum was being very caring and protective and they kept hugging and holding hands. Mum kept reassuring her and saying 'Don't worry - it'll all be alright. We've got each other!" It was heartwarming!
Amusingly, mum's new friend kept looking blankly at her watch. Mum smiled reassuringly and said "Yes, its a cheesewaffle! Look I've got a cheesewaffle too!" and pointed to her own wristwatch! I had to smile!
So, I just want to let anyone who may be about to embark on this stage of the journey that it CAN work out and even the hiccups on the way can be managed and overcome and our loved ones settled and content. I'm under no illusion that mum may not still have her days when she's not happy and wants to go home etc, but for now, knowing she is safe, warm, cared for, and has plenty to do is enough! And for all of you, I wish you at least some moments of contentment with your loved ones too...xxxx
