So bizarre !

Spamar

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Hi Amy, head still sore, apparently it can take four weeks before it feels normal! Who knew! Certainly not me. So taking lots of painkillers to keep pain at bay! I think the cold has cleared, that’s one relief!

I guess you’ve been through a lot recently, Amy. Hope things are getting better for you. (((((Hugs))))).
 

Amy in the US

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Spamar, I'm also sorry to hear you are still in so much pain. Have you a concussion? I hope you improve soon.

Thanks for the kind wishes. My mother is okay, still not quite herself. The antibiotics are now finished and they will re-check her for a UTI. (This time, with a culture, or so they promise!) She will see the wonderful neurologist tomorrow and I hope he has some insight. I'm still upset about my little cat, but not as much as at first. My big cat is still a bit off and clingy, but maybe starting to adjust to her sister being gone. It's hard to tell, with cats.

We had snow over the weekend (not the promised massive storm, just an inch or two) and we are sitting by the window, watching the birds rummage for the seed I tossed out for them. There are also nuts for the squirrels and some dried fruit (good excuse to clear out the freezer and cupboards for the critters). The cat likes when the squirrels come up, but especially the birds. She thinks she could catch them but I don't think so!!!
 

jugglingmum

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Brief check in. I've been reading but not managed to update on here, mainly as I want/need to write about visit to MIL just after xmas.

Happy New Year everyone, sorry to hear of your fall Spamar, I do hope you are healing.

Amy I'm sure I've said on your thread, but sorry about your cat, glad to hear the other one is less clingy.

Watched cold feet tonight, so enjoy that series, have watched it from the first episode, so have 'grown' with them.

Dau found out about Cambridge today, she got an offer, but from a different college, Selwyn, so some thinking to do.

Need to finish on line shop and wash up and bed - hopefully before midnight.
 

Amy in the US

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I think an offer from Cambridge is amazing!!! Well done to Miss JM, with awards for Best Supporting Parents to our own JM and Mister JM, of course. I can appreciate she has a lot to think over, of course.

You are all very kind about my little cat; thank you. It's the first time I have had to face this as the adult owner of a pet and, well, ugh. The less I dwell on it the better.

I am sure in her mind, my remaining cat Java is a mighty huntress but she is arthritic and not slender, if you know what I mean. I think the wildlife is in no danger!!
 

jugglingmum

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Amy I've lost a dog and 2 cats. It isn't for everyone but we got more fairly quickly. We had a 'new' one year old rescue collie within 4 weeks of losing our previous collie. 2 of those weeks were on holiday in Turkey. She came from a house with catsc and small children so was a perfect fit. Dau was 3 at the time and missed her best friend so much. Our previous dog had a six month decline with cancer so we had decided before we lost her we'd get another one straight away.

With the cats we lost one in may and the other in September and got kittens straight away. Might have left it longer but I had 6 weeks of maternity leave left so meant we could settle them in.
 

Slugsta

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When I lost my darling Chivvy, he was 19, I swore I would never put myself through that pain again :( His sister left us the following year and I promised OH a 'cat free' period, although couldn't guarantee how long that might last. OH came home with Alfie less than a year later and I was more than ready!
 

Amy in the US

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I would be fine with adding another cat to the household straight away but can tell OH is not and I am okay with having an "only cat" for a while. He has lots of reasons such as the other cat won't want a new cat in the house, and maybe we have health issues coming with this cat, and then some less plausible excuses. I'm not going to push it. He had some traumatic experience as a child with losing a dog (he still won't talk about it) and he is a bit low anyway, so no point in pressing the issue and likely upsetting him.

I need to get to the pet store today for some more food. I can tell that Java is not pleased with the fishy flavour I offered her for lunch! Mind you, it won't do her any harm to skip some calories. She is big boned, yes, but also overweight!!! It was hard with needing to get the little cat to eat as much as possible, to keep the big one out of the extra food. No more second breakfasts now!
 

Slugsta

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Aug 25, 2015
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Yes, we have similar problems. Although we feed Sky and Alfie in separate rooms, I have to make sure she hasn't left anything for him to hoover up. At nearly 6kg, the vet says he could do to loose 400-500g (he's a big boy!).
 

Spamar

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I’ve only had one dog at a time, so no problems there. OH and I have had 2 dogs, the first a beagle called Pups ( don’t ask, but how to feel silly calling to an obviously old dog ‘ Here, Pups!’) and a show reject Springer Spaniel called Jasper. The first died of complications after 5 years of diabetes, the second had cancer. That was around the start of OHs dementia and my arthritis, so I decided another dog was not on the cards.

JM, that’s going to be an interesting decision, hows it going?

I had to go and see a doc yesterday cos I started feeling sick ( and sleepy). He thought the nausea might be the codeine, it’s a side effect, but I’ve been taking it for years as and when needed, and I certainly haven’t overdosed. Still got the headache, though. It might last for a month, according to one gp, or a fortnight, according to a leaflet I was given. At the moment it’s 9 days.

It’s time for another dose of paracetamol! Must go!
 

jugglingmum

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We didn't get more cats until both had passed, probably circumstances rather than anything else, first cat disappeared on my birthday (OH and dau were on holiday in Turkey - I couldn't get travel insurance), we found his body 4 weeks later, we knew he was ill.

Son was arriving 7 weeks after the cat disappeared, so I didn't want a new cat and a new baby in the house at the same time, then when we lost second cat (poorly - vet visit) it just made sense to try and get kittens whilst I was at home all the time. Not sure timing was 100% right but not sure it would have been any better any time in next 3 years. We lost both those cats when they were 14 and current cats are now 13, although they don't seem that old.

As our dog is now 15 and will be 16 in March we could have some trauma to come. We are dreading losing the dog, because we know the kids will be broken hearted, let alone us.

Sorry to hear you are feeling nauseous spamar.

Re decision, it doesn't have to be made for a few months, based on normal paperwork might be filed with minutes to spare!! Dau wants to look at the other 4 unis she put on form on the official offer days, so muggins is taking her - I might have got out of one, as it clashes with a fencing tournament.
 

Slugsta

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Aug 25, 2015
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Morning all,

Jm, it's a big decision so I can understand why Miss Jm want to be as sure as possible before making it. Sorry that it means even more work for you though!

Spamar, I'm sorry you are feeling rough again (((hugs))). Codeine does that to me but I wouldn't expect you to suddenly start reacting after you have taken it for so long.

Yes, those of us who share our lives with furry friends certainly set ourselves up for a lot of heartbreak :( although I think the joy they bring is worth the price. Have you seen the poem 'You have chosen tears? http://www.oes.org/page2/8647~You_have_chosen_tears_-_poem.html So true but I cannot read it without sobbing!

Ann, I hope all is as well as it can be.
 

Annier999

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Also get hold of the book Contented Dementia. It uses the idea of photograph albums to explain how long term memory stays intact even when short term memory deteriorates. Also gives really helpful tips and techniques for dealing with your client or loved one when their reality is different from yours.
 
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doodle1

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Congrats to your daughter JM. Both my girls got into Cambridge .My eldest got an offer from a different college ,went and didn't look back. My youngest got into her first choice and that suited her. Would strongly urge her to take up the place. Sad to say it ,it does give them an advantage In the job market . Best wishes
 

jugglingmum

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Congrats to your daughter JM. Both my girls got into Cambridge .My eldest got an offer from a different college ,went and didn't look back. My youngest got into her first choice and that suited her. Would strongly urge her to take up the place. Sad to say it ,it does give them an advantage In the job market . Best wishes

Thanks for your comments, they are helpful. The different college isn't an issue for her. She had said she wouldn't go with a 'hill' college but she has got one that is central. If it was our son, we would be encouraging him, as we can see he would be happy with the level of study. For dau it is different, 4 years ago before she got ill we didn't expect her to go to university, but to try and follow a cycling career and then uni later. Whilst she has been ill for a long time, we can see that things are progressing and she loves her cycling and wants to continue with it. And this is our concern, when well she would train for 12 to 15 hours a week, and with a course that is 5.5 days a week this is unlikely to happen. Also many races will require her to leave Cambridge on Friday night and this would mean she would miss Saturday labs. So if she does choose Cambridge she would be putting her cycling on hold for 3 years. She doesn't know how good she could be but if she got fit enough, at other unis fitting in weekend trips to Belgium to race is a possibility and at Cambridge it isn't. She has always found too much study time frustrating as she likes to fit in lots of other things, eg this week there is no training and so she has been baking and playing guitar, and she always wants/needs to do lots of things, and it is this 'need' to fit in other things, and the frustration/boredom that comes when she can't that concerns us.

So visit to MIL on 27th Dec:

OH had a call from his sister just before we went to suggest a live in carer should be thought about, and wanting him to look at how this could be done in a way she thought was appropriate ie an ensuite and other types of modifications.

When OH spoke to MIL the day before to confirm times she said she had a blood test she had forgotten about, mid morning, not a problem we would make sure we got there before she left (we left at 7 - and did journey in under 3 hours) at 10.30.

Arrangements to visit were only made on 23 Dec, so not surprising this got missed, but adding to other things maybe not - OH hadn't got round to phoning MIL and she phoned, OH was out, so I could make arrangements:rolleyes: - day I had been suggesting for a few weeks:D

You may recall both myself and dau have been concerned about MIL on recent visits, but OH always dismisses us with it is normal old age related memory loss and nothing is wrong. He has always had a very poor understanding of my mum's issues and a friend who over a dozen of us think has dementia he again says normal age related memory loss so I was going looking for issues, which OH is aware of and dismissive of.

MIL produced an xmas present for dau hastily wrapping it in some discarded tissue paper in the other corner of the room we were in and a half round of stilton for us, again hastily wrapped in foil in the kitchen in sight of us. Whilst MIL has always been a bit minimalist (polite way of saying miserly as far as OH is concerned) with presents they have always been wrapped when we arrived, so wrapping them whilst we were in the room seemed odd, especially as MIL was a bit odd in the way she did it, and to me was ringing alarm bells.

OH took MIL for her blood test whilst we walked our dog (we got lost:eek::confused:, took ages and I was panicking as at 20kg dog is a bit heavy to carry far - was really worrying at one stage we would have to carry her as her dodgy back leg didn't weight bare properly a couple of times - but all was well thanks to google maps in the end:D). OH declared that MIL has seemed fine to him on the journey so there was no problem to worry about anything at the moment and he didn't know why his sister was talking about live in carers. When he said this I was thinking hostess mode and OH was behaving like an invisible. I suggested he phone MIL's friend and ask her how things were as she sees more of MIL than we do in the brief snapshot of our visit.

Then as it was time for lunch, a meal MIL has always prepared promptly but she didn't suggest preparing until 1ish, she said she had an issue as she had 3 portions of different things but not 4 portions, so we'd have to have 2 different main courses. However as she had plenty of pudding it would all be fine. On the phone she had asked me to bring a pudding as she didn't have anything but said she had plenty of main course food. She had no recollection of asking me to bring pudding. It was very odd but again OH thinks this is just normal old age behaviour and nothing to worry about.

The visit passed in it's normal slow dreary fashion, after lunch kids went for a run and I walked the dog again so OH could chat with his mum.

We both had a nosey round the bungalow to see how a live in carer would work, OH is adamant that a live in carer would need an en suite as MIL would not want to share bathroom facilities to preserve her dignity and privacy, there was no point in telling him by the time she needs live in care this is the least of your worries. Sensibly OH thinks that trying to get her to have someone in during the day when it is needed and increase the time they are there would make more sense and then go for a care home. He said he hasn't a clue how an ensuite would be fitted, given he would not be prepared to action it, SIL is in the US and MIL wouldn't understand the point. I said I thought a live in carer might expect wifi and a multi channel TV more than an ensuite, which he couldn't understand but I don't think many would want to live in a house with no TV.

When we left OH was his normal fed up self moaning about his mum's complete lack of empathy, she has never had much empathy, and we have all always found visiting her hard, hence annual visit, but she was a bit removed and vacant this time. Later at home dau commented on MIL repeating several stories several times in conversation with dau, which she said was unusual.

All in all I think there are clear early signs of dementia, but OH is having none of it, and thinks his mum is fine living like she is for now. He did phone her friend, and discovered she had suggested the possibility of live in care, but not now, in the future as MIL is adamant she wants to remain in her own home. o_O OH did ask MIL's friend if MIL was overly relying on friends and taking them for granted, and friend said, no, at the moment they can all manage things.

Since our visit, MIL should have had a cataract op, was meant to be 4th Jan and this was cancelled the day before by hospital so should have been last week now. MIL didn't really want this, but had been told she couldn't continue to drive :eek: so is having it done. We weren't sure about her driving 5 years ago, but her friend says it is ok for now.

Not my issue per se, and not sure OH wants to get too involved, due to awful childhood and his mother's lifetime of remoteness in OH's adult life. I'm dreading a crisis and OH having to deal with it as it will make him miserable and moody and resentful. His sister would want to help, but not easy to get to Scotland from the US, and his brother has nothing to do with his mum due to childhood etc issues. With my experience of mum's dementia and hindsight of the odd things she did in the few years beforehand massive alarm bells were ringing but no point in discussing with OH.
 

Spamar

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Hi Slugsta, I’ll try and read the poem at some point, but if it’s going to make me cry, I don’t think now is the time!

Managed to go shopping this morning. I would of had lunch there as well, but the cafe was full and there was a long queue. I don’t do queues! sorry about my awful English!
 
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jugglingmum

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Hi Slugsta, I’ll try and read the poem at some point, but if it’s going to make me cry, I don’t think now is the time!

Managed to go shopping this morning. I would of had lunch there as well, but the cafe was full and there was a long queue. I don’t do queues!sorty about my awful English!

I haven't read it as need to be in the mood to read something sad. Sorry you are in a low mood @Spamar have a chilling out afternoon in front of your log burner. Tut tut over your awful English :p:D not what I expect from you, let's hope the grammar police aren't about (somehow this makes me think of @nitram but I don't think he has ever picked anyone up on their grammar)
 
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Spamar

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So difficult, isn’t it? All I can suggest is keep plugging away at your OH to agree to whatever you feel is right. Obviously some degree of care is necessary. Of course she doesn’t want to go into a home! Find me a person who does!

My step granddau, at Imperial College has a friend who is a keen rower. Not sure of her standard, but she regularly gets up at 04:30 to go training! But if your dau wants to give cycling a go, is there a place where she can fit everything in, work, practise, events. Has there been a thought of her deferring, and coming back to uni in a few years time? Or wouldn’t that work for her?

 

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