Hi all, this may seem an unusual thread ,but has anyone out there employed an overseas Au Pair to help with there partners who have Alzheimer's. My partner has been diagnosed 5 years and is physically fit but lost all sense of direction. I have heard of Au-pairs from overseas that will care for the elderly on a live in basis. I would appreciate any guidance from someone who has already been down this route, and has had a really good experience.
Au Pairs
- Thread starter terry.p
- Start date
Personally, I have no experience of this service. But one thought struck me, if my MIL had a foreign au pair ,the person's English would have had to be top notch ,even if just for a sitting service. My MIL would have refused to have her back otherwise
We are singing from the same song-sheet Terry. My wife has Alzheimers and getting more dependant on me to do everything. I don't need a carer for her, that's me, but I would appreciate a little space in my life, somebody to take my wife for a walk, make a cup of tea. People/family generally have no clue about what life is like for a carer. Never hearing someone say - 'I'll do that or would you like a coffee'. Carers do EVERYTHING so the chance to get a live-in help is a wonderful thing to try to arrange. I know that au pairs are specific to caring for children but the term is also loosely used to describe companions for the elderly. The trick is, if you are the carer the 'au pair' can be a great help and cost only about £100 per week depending on duties.
I intend to keep my wife in our home for as long as I am able and currently I am getting a separate ensuite added to give the live-in helper their own space. I think this route needs more publicity because I never received any inking that a live-in helper was an affordable option.
I intend to keep my wife in our home for as long as I am able and currently I am getting a separate ensuite added to give the live-in helper their own space. I think this route needs more publicity because I never received any inking that a live-in helper was an affordable option.
I'd be asking for people with experience of any sort not just a "really good experience" if you want the whole picture.
By "overseas" do you mean from outside the EC? If so they have to be under 27 and post Brexit that rule may be brought back for European Au Pairs too, who knows/
My friend had an inoperable brain tumour and was told he'd slowly lose mobility and develop AZ like symptoms, he hired a live in carer from a reputable company and the first 2 were a nightmare, one just wanted to stay in her room on the internet, whre the car keys were, couldn't/wouldn't cook and insisted all the food was delivered and microwaveable, obviously that included her food too and she had expensive tastes.
Second one wasn't much better, it was a bit like having a sulky adolescent teenager in one of your bedrooms but who wasn't one of your children, something I'm sure many of us have experienced in the past.
Third one was an absolute godsend and stayed until the end but nearly went a few times when the aggression and accusations started to wear them down, it isn't an easy job when you're caring for a loved one let alone a stranger.
Bottom line is your bringing a stranger into your home at a very, very difficult time and whether you click or clash only time will tell.
Live in careers can and do work but not every time, they're all people and people are all different, might work, might not, my friend was third time lucky and as he used an agency getting a change made wasn't too difficult as even they said from the outset that not all placements work because of personalities, expectations, culture...any number of reasons.
K
You are right, getting a live-in helper will always be a bit hit and miss no matter how much care you take. Problem is............what options are there? I am definitely between a rock and a hard place and without a huge bank account what choices/options are there?
I considered this at one time, but because my mum lives on her own, I chose not to take this route. Instead, I took on a private person, who I knew, which is the safe option. I do use an agency, however, to give my live in carer a week off every month and it's not always the ones that speak good or perfect English that have been perfect for my mum. Just recently had one lady from Romania who spoke very broken English, and my mum doesn't speak English very well either because she was originally from Germany and her condition often makes her forget English, and this lady was brilliant with my mum. I would walk in sometimes and my mum would be chatting in a mixture of broken English and German, and the other lady was laughing and somehow saying something back which worked because somehow my mum could understand through the body language. I've also had a 19 year old in, who managed very well, and my mum liked her because she was very pretty.
I've had 2 English speaking carers, one spent most of her time crying when my mum had a go at her, and one who was older and very experienced actually threatened to leave after day 2.
My daughter was an Au Pair when she was younger, both times for small children, but that was her choice. So the drawbacks. How would you interview someone? You would probably have to pay their fare over, or at least to be on the safe side, pay them back when they arrived. If it didn't work out, you would need to pay their fare back again, regardless of how long they were with you. You may find that the laws are quite strict, for one thing, there is a good chance that someone from abroad will want more than £100 a week, plus you will need to pay towards travel home abroad when they get homesick if they are younger. There are laws which means even though you don't have to pay them a living wage, you are only allowed to employ them to work for about 30 hours a week, and if they are young they will have to have regular breaks.
Consider, why does it have to be someone from abroad? You are living there too, so if it didn't work out with someone closer to home, it would be a lot easier to give them a train fare home. My daughter's first Au Pair job was when she was 16 years old and the job was in Luton.
I think your best option might be to decide what you actually need help with. By the way, when my mum was at the start/middle stage of Alzheimer's. I enrolled her into daycare. She still goes now, but that's to give her carer a break. At the beginning, though she loved it, and looked forward to going every day, even days when it wasn't open which was the sad part, because she still lived on her own at the time and was upset when they didn't turn up because she thought they had forgotten her, even though I rang her every morning to tell her if it was a daycare day or not. They feed her there, bring her there and back again, there is an option for assisted showers and haircuts, they organize a pediatrician to go there when needed. She does like going still, but she tends to try and walk out again quite often, but my hope is that if there comes a time she needs to go into a home, she will still have a few social skills to cope in one.
If you do decide to follow through this route, my daughter was an au pair on Aupair.com and had no problems with that site, and the ladies that employed her got her through that site, so it's a safe one to get someone through.
I've had 2 English speaking carers, one spent most of her time crying when my mum had a go at her, and one who was older and very experienced actually threatened to leave after day 2.
My daughter was an Au Pair when she was younger, both times for small children, but that was her choice. So the drawbacks. How would you interview someone? You would probably have to pay their fare over, or at least to be on the safe side, pay them back when they arrived. If it didn't work out, you would need to pay their fare back again, regardless of how long they were with you. You may find that the laws are quite strict, for one thing, there is a good chance that someone from abroad will want more than £100 a week, plus you will need to pay towards travel home abroad when they get homesick if they are younger. There are laws which means even though you don't have to pay them a living wage, you are only allowed to employ them to work for about 30 hours a week, and if they are young they will have to have regular breaks.
Consider, why does it have to be someone from abroad? You are living there too, so if it didn't work out with someone closer to home, it would be a lot easier to give them a train fare home. My daughter's first Au Pair job was when she was 16 years old and the job was in Luton.
I think your best option might be to decide what you actually need help with. By the way, when my mum was at the start/middle stage of Alzheimer's. I enrolled her into daycare. She still goes now, but that's to give her carer a break. At the beginning, though she loved it, and looked forward to going every day, even days when it wasn't open which was the sad part, because she still lived on her own at the time and was upset when they didn't turn up because she thought they had forgotten her, even though I rang her every morning to tell her if it was a daycare day or not. They feed her there, bring her there and back again, there is an option for assisted showers and haircuts, they organize a pediatrician to go there when needed. She does like going still, but she tends to try and walk out again quite often, but my hope is that if there comes a time she needs to go into a home, she will still have a few social skills to cope in one.
If you do decide to follow through this route, my daughter was an au pair on Aupair.com and had no problems with that site, and the ladies that employed her got her through that site, so it's a safe one to get someone through.
Thank you for the info and yes I have checked the Aupair.com website and feedback looks good.
I am the carer for my wife so I don't need an aupair for anything other than to entertain my wife for a few hours a day. She goes to a day centre 2 days a week which she enjoys very much and I enjoy the time to get on with other things.
While I am fit and my wife's condition is still manageable I want to maintain as normal a life as possible for her and the aupair route seems the most practical and perhaps the only solution I could afford.
We lived in the Far East for a few years so I have considered going to live in Goa, Philippines or Thailand etc., where live-in help would be economically viable, but really I think a solution in UK will be best.............wish I was rich.
I am the carer for my wife so I don't need an aupair for anything other than to entertain my wife for a few hours a day. She goes to a day centre 2 days a week which she enjoys very much and I enjoy the time to get on with other things.
While I am fit and my wife's condition is still manageable I want to maintain as normal a life as possible for her and the aupair route seems the most practical and perhaps the only solution I could afford.
We lived in the Far East for a few years so I have considered going to live in Goa, Philippines or Thailand etc., where live-in help would be economically viable, but really I think a solution in UK will be best.............wish I was rich.
Do you know, going off topic a little. My mum once suggested, when she was in her earlier stage of Alzheimer's that I should find someone who wanted a place to live, and instead of charging rent they could help a bit, but they could still have a job even it was a part-time job, and she wouldn't mind if they had a baby or small child.
Actually the carer I did get for my mum, in the end, was from the Philippines, and at the time was looking for somewhere to live and she is very good. Does like to fly home for a few weeks sometimes though.
Actually the carer I did get for my mum, in the end, was from the Philippines, and at the time was looking for somewhere to live and she is very good. Does like to fly home for a few weeks sometimes though.
