My husband was diagnosed with dementia in December 2017 at the age of 58. Sometimes when I'm tired this all becomes a little like hard work and I begin to reminisce about times gone by and how things were so different. Today was one of those days and, through rose tinted spectacles, I remembered all the good times when he was mentally strong, capable, someone for me to lean on, someone who took life in his stride and didn't worry about a thing. Then I took myself by the shoulders and gave myself a shake. He has changed considerably over the past few years, certainly since 2012 and, most noticeably, since 2015 but these changes aren't all for the worse I've decided. Forgotten to lock the doors when we've left the house? 'Never mind it'll be ok' used to be the response. Now he checks every door is locked before we leave and I'm not left wondering if we'll return to a burgled home. Not got around to ordering more coal? 'Never mind we can always drive down to the coal yard and collect a bag to keep us going' used to be the response. Now he orders on a regular basis and we haven't run out once this winter. This is a first. A new speed restriction that you've missed? 'Never mind it'll be ok, there aren't any cameras' used to be the response. Now he sticks to every speed limit with great accuracy which is obviously safer for everyone concerned. It is a little odd living with this new person but I'm getting used to it and I find that the further we get from the person he used to be the dimmer is the memory. I still love him and, luckily, I still like him. Most of the time he's still fun to be around the only thing is I'm not sure where my best friend went to and sometimes that makes me sad. Just wondered how many others are getting used to living with a new person.
Life changes
- Thread starter WA123
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Certainly does ........ I cannot work out how I feel about my OH. Somethings are easier, but overall, I would rather he was the old 'him' than the new 'him'.
That`s all that matters really. He will need you now more than ever in his life. It`s amazing what we can get used to when there is no alternative.
It’s so sad how the person who you share your life with can disappear.
My husband is in a care home now, and I miss him terribly. I feel guilty about not being able to care for him anymore.
So I look back at how he was , the stage you are at. And think I still had something even if it was so hard. The disease robs us of our life together.
And the decline is difficult to adapt to.
Now I am alone.
I visit every day still trying to find something, the pearl inside that is him. A smile , a sigh , a response.
I realise this will fade too, so I can’t hear his voice.
Treasure whatever you still have.
My husband is in a care home now, and I miss him terribly. I feel guilty about not being able to care for him anymore.
So I look back at how he was , the stage you are at. And think I still had something even if it was so hard. The disease robs us of our life together.
And the decline is difficult to adapt to.
Now I am alone.
I visit every day still trying to find something, the pearl inside that is him. A smile , a sigh , a response.
I realise this will fade too, so I can’t hear his voice.
Treasure whatever you still have.
Oh, how I can relate to all these replies! MY OH went into a CH in June. He's 72, I'm 65. He questions why have I incarcerated him there. I still feel so, so guilty but know it's the best option. I go to him every other day. He isn't unhappy, or so the carers tell me. He's " such a lovely chap, very helpful, lovely smile" He has obviously used up all that by the time I get there, which can be in the morning or afternoon, as he's as miserable as sin. He shouts at me then is immediately remorseful and expects me to instantly forgive, telling me that he loves me . I am getting better at dealing with it but it's so very hard. I miss him despite all the years of heartache he's given me. I find it hard not to tell him how much I miss him or to talk about problems I may be having, as when I did mention it once before he simply said that it wouldn't be like that if he came home !! Everyday is like walking on eggshells. Engage brain before operating mouth !! I took him out for lunch on Wed. As we drove away he said to me " thank you for rescuing me " I had to swallow hard to keep it together. It wasn't mentioned again thank goodness and we came back without any problems. I wondered though, he hasn't said anything about going out. Should I mention it or does it just drag up memories of not being at home. Perhaps he's forgotten we went out? !! Also he's had visitors but he never tells me has. Do I ask him about it? It's this limbo I finding hard to come to terms with. Feels like what perhaps a widow might feel like, but then again he hasn't died
he's just not here.
he's just not here.