Past few days I have had overwhelming thoughts and feelings about when the time comes when mum is no longer here. We are not at that point yet but I feel in myself it will be at some point this year and I hope in the kindest possible way it will be ( I know that sounds awful) but she's then at peace then and we have closure to the end of what has been an awful situation.
I however have an overwhelming mix of feelings, angry, sad, loss grief I suppose. I feel anger because I want me and my partner to think about having children in the very near future and I know mum won't understand or be there to support me or give me advice, I feel sadness that I cannot pick up the phone and just speak to her to tell her my news or whinge about my rubbish day. I guess this has all come on the back ground of having a social care assessment for her care home fees to be paid. And she had ticked the box for the continuing care and we are now waiting for NHS England to contact us. I guess because mums in a care home now we don't know the true extent of everything and I guess in reality its that she's deteriorating. I feel like I could burst into tears at any point and like I have a massive dull ache in my chest that just won't go away.
Sorry for rambling I am usually such a positive person and try and find a positive in every day and currently struggling.. don't think it helps that I am on annual leave this week and spent whole week doing dissertation.. oh and its my birthday tomorrow which I am really not looking forward to
Thankyou everybody.
I however have an overwhelming mix of feelings, angry, sad, loss grief I suppose. I feel anger because I want me and my partner to think about having children in the very near future and I know mum won't understand or be there to support me or give me advice, I feel sadness that I cannot pick up the phone and just speak to her to tell her my news or whinge about my rubbish day. I guess this has all come on the back ground of having a social care assessment for her care home fees to be paid. And she had ticked the box for the continuing care and we are now waiting for NHS England to contact us. I guess because mums in a care home now we don't know the true extent of everything and I guess in reality its that she's deteriorating. I feel like I could burst into tears at any point and like I have a massive dull ache in my chest that just won't go away.
Sorry for rambling I am usually such a positive person and try and find a positive in every day and currently struggling.. don't think it helps that I am on annual leave this week and spent whole week doing dissertation.. oh and its my birthday tomorrow which I am really not looking forward to
Thankyou everybody.