New care home

[May30]

Hi ,
My Dad is being discharged from hospital tomorrow morning to an emergency nursing home placement. We only found out today so won't have had a chance to get the room ready or anything? Does this matter? Does anyone have any tips about how I can do this without causing to much upset?
Many thanks

 

[canary]

Would you be able to go at any time tomorrow? If not, dont worry too much.
The best way of sorting out his room is to do it when he is not there. If you could get over there tomorrow then get someone (maybe one of the carers) to distract him, or perhaps you could get a friend to visit him in the lounge. While he is distracted unpack his things and arange everything ready for the evening.
If you cant do it tomorrow do it as soon as you can. It will be fine - its just best if he doesnt see you doing it.

NB make sure that absolutely everything you take has his name on it - things tend to go walkabout in dementia homes as the residents tend to have a very fluid idea of possessions, but if it is named it usually manages to get back. Dont take anything that it irreplaceable in case it gets broken, take copies of all photos and take the copies in perspex frames - dont use glass in case it gets broken.

 

[May30]

Would you be able to go at any time tomorrow? If not, dont worry too much.
The best way of sorting out his room is to do it when he is not there. If you could get over there tomorrow then get someone (maybe one of the carers) to distract him, or perhaps you could get a friend to visit him in the lounge. While he is distracted unpack his things and arange everything ready for the evening.
If you cant do it tomorrow do it as soon as you can. It will be fine - its just best if he doesnt see you doing it.

NB make sure that absolutely everything you take has his name on it - things tend to go walkabout in dementia homes as the residents tend to have a very fluid idea of possessions, but if it is named it usually manages to get back. Dont take anything that it irreplaceable in case it gets broken, take copies of all photos and take the copies in perspex frames - dont use glass in case it gets broken.

Thanks so much for your reply. Dad actually hasn't got out of his hospital bed for a few weeks. He was mobile before going in. He's developed a fear of falling. I'm not sure how the discharge will go tomorrow. My mum was going to go with him in the ambulance, I'm at work. Do you think it's better for her to take some of his things and meet him there? Or can we slowly add things to his room? I'm so worried dad won't get out of bed, the care home assumed he was bed bound. I have written it on the hospital discharge and told the care home that he was mobile before the hospital.

 

[canary]

I think it would be nice if your mum could take some of his stuff and then meet him there, but you could probably introduce new things without too much difficulty. I had assumed he was still mobile and would want to "help" you unpack or get upset if it wernt going in the "right" place.

 

[May30]

I think it would be nice if your mum could take some of his stuff and then meet him there, but you could probably introduce new things without too much difficulty. I had assumed he was still mobile and would want to "help" you unpack or get upset if it wernt going in the "right" place.

Thank you. I'm just worrying about not doing it right! Really hope it goes OK. He's been in hospital for so long.

 

[canary]

Dont worry about not doing it "right" - things will muddle along. The main way you can help him settle is to reinforce how pleased you are and how lovely it is. Even if you dont feel it keep that mask pinned on. Mum used to reflect my moods and if I was upset she was too. If I could convey by my attitude and body language that everything was fine and I was happy then she was too. Find positive things to say about the room and the view. Dont stay too long as he will be tired and dont make long goodbyes. I never actually used to say goodbye to mum. I just used to say that I needed the loo and I would see her soon.

It will take him a while to settle, so dont worry if he doesnt settle immediately and dont be upset about the odd bad visit. Be prepared to cut your visits very short if necessary. Im sure it will work out.

 

[May30]

Thank you so much for your advice. He was moved to the care home today. Can't stop thinking about him and how I hope he's ok. I'm going to visit tomorrow. Will take some nice things for his room.

 

[Amy in the US]

Don't forget you can always ring the care home to talk to the staff and hear how he is doing. I can understand you feeling anxious and maybe some information would reassure you.

I actually found the phone calls a good way to start to get to know the staff. (When my mother moved into the care home I didn't visit for almost two months.) They have always been happy to talk on the phone and it's been helpful when I am out of town, unwell, or otherwise not able to visit.

Hope all goes as well as possible and best wishes.