Our Journey with you

[AJ Clarke]

In loving memory of my lovely Dad

Having someone you love diagnosed with dementia is a cruel blow.

We understood from the start that there was nothing we could do to prevent this disease, but we could control how we dealt with it. We decided there would be no room for pity and that acceptance was the only way forward. We walked this journey with you and as the years passed we saw the new you shine through. We didn't look back at what you'd lost, we looked forward and focussed on what you still had. You made us smile every day, we listened to you and when you laughed we laughed. It never mattered that you didn't remember us, you were still you and that could never be taken away. Our memories of you will be a mixture of the old you and the new you, both very precious and very dear. You have now found your peace and with that comes our peace. This journey has been full of love, laughter, heartache and a deep understanding of dementia and that love and acceptance are the most beautiful precious gifts we possess.

I wrote this 4 days after my dad passed. It was wrote straight from my heart and is a true reflection of how we dealt with his dementia. This was read at his funeral.

 

[karaokePete]

May I express my condolences and say that that was a lovely tribute that sums up my own attitude to dementia.

If you need support or just a place to vent feelings in the time ahead the membership of the forum will be here for you.

 

[Marcelle123]

Your post seems to me the ideal attitude to take - I'm sorry that I fell a bit short of it, myself, at least at times.

Sending you sympathy on your loss - wishing you solace. xx

 

[AJ Clarke]

May I express my condolences and say that that was a lovely tribute that sums up my own attitude to dementia.

If you need support or just a place to vent feelings in the time ahead the membership of the forum will be here for you.

Thank you for your support. After the initial feeling of loss I was overwhelmed by a lovely feeling of peace. My dads last few years were not easy for him, he had many infections and breathing difficulties and was in hospital more days than he was out. This was so much harder for my family than dealing with his dementia. I cannot think of anything I would change (apart from the obvious) as to how we handled his dementia and this, I’m sure, is why I feel so at peace. I miss him very much.

 

[AJ Clarke]

Your post seems to me the ideal attitude to take - I'm sorry that I fell a bit short of it, myself, at least at times.

Sending you sympathy on your loss - wishing you solace. xx

 

[AJ Clarke]

Thank you. Please don’t feel bad if you don’t cope all the time. Dementia is a very demanding disease and I for one fell short on many occasions. Things I could have done differently, the list goes on. When I look back I feel so much at peace with how I dealt with my dad and in my heart I know I did the best I could. Perfect NO, but 100% good enough.

 

[hilaryd]

That's beautifully put - almost a year on from our mum's death, my sister and I have been discussing this topic recently, and what you say matches our conclusions well. There are things we might have done differently, and there were some awful times as well as happy ones, but on balance we're glad that we could care for mum during her decline as she cared for us when we were growing up, and we feel privileged to have shared the time with her. Wishing you well xxx

 

[kingmidas1962]

Thank you for your support. After the initial feeling of loss I was overwhelmed by a lovely feeling of peace. My dads last few years were not easy for him, he had many infections and breathing difficulties and was in hospital more days than he was out. This was so much harder for my family than dealing with his dementia. I cannot think of anything I would change (apart from the obvious) as to how we handled his dementia and this, I’m sure, is why I feel so at peace. I miss him very much.

I totally understand exactly what you mean. My mum died on 2nd dec after many years if mental health illness and almost certainly undiagnosed dementia - I had to learn to accept all the versions of her and the unpredictability of it.

I felt the same at, and after her funeral. Bereaved but very peaceful and at ease with the loss, if that makes sense.

 

[Kitten71]

In loving memory of my lovely Dad

Having someone you love diagnosed with dementia is a cruel blow.

We understood from the start that there was nothing we could do to prevent this disease, but we could control how we dealt with it. We decided there would be no room for pity and that acceptance was the only way forward. We walked this journey with you and as the years passed we saw the new you shine through. We didn't look back at what you'd lost, we looked forward and focussed on what you still had. You made us smile every day, we listened to you and when you laughed we laughed. It never mattered that you didn't remember us, you were still you and that could never be taken away. Our memories of you will be a mixture of the old you and the new you, both very precious and very dear. You have now found your peace and with that comes our peace. This journey has been full of love, laughter, heartache and a deep understanding of dementia and that love and acceptance are the most beautiful precious gifts we possess.

I wrote this 4 days after my dad passed. It was wrote straight from my heart and is a true reflection of how we dealt with his dementia. This was read at his funeral.

This is just beautiful and it sums up my feelings perfectly. My dad died suddenly but peacefully on 30 December and your words truly resonate with me. It’s so true about them having an old you and a new you. I think I might write something similar for dad’s upcoming funeral. Thank you so much for sharing this. Sending you condolences and a virtual hug x

 

[AJ Clarke]

This is just beautiful and it sums up my feelings perfectly. My dad died suddenly but peacefully on 30 December and your words truly resonate with me. It’s so true about them having an old you and a new you. I think I might write something similar for dad’s upcoming funeral. Thank you so much for sharing this. Sending you condolences and a virtual hug x

This is just beautiful and it sums up my feelings perfectly. My dad died suddenly but peacefully on 30 December and your words truly resonate with me. It’s so true about them having an old you and a new you. I think I might write something similar for dad’s upcoming funeral. Thank you so much for sharing this. Sending you condolences and a virtual hug x

This is just beautiful and it sums up my feelings perfectly. My dad died suddenly but peacefully on 30 December and your words truly resonate with me. It’s so true about them having an old you and a new you. I think I might write something similar for dad’s upcoming funeral. Thank you so much for sharing this. Sending you condolences and a virtual hug x

thank you for your lovely response. I am so pleased you have found my post helpful. I’m so sorry for your loss. My dad passed away on 29th September and I miss him very much. Please feel free to use my words when you write yours for your dad, we have travelled the same journey so the words belong to you just as much as they belong to me. Sending you love and hugs xxx

 

[Duggies-girl]

Oh those are wonderful words @AJ Clarke I still have my dad and he is sometimes the old dad but mostly the new dad of late but still lovely.

Your memories are precious and your dad is at peace.

Wishing you well.

 

[Kitten71]

thank you for your lovely response. I am so pleased you have found my post helpful. I’m so sorry for your loss. My dad passed away on 29th September and I miss him very much. Please feel free to use my words when you write yours for your dad, we have travelled the same journey so the words belong to you just as much as they belong to me. Sending you love and hugs xxx

Thank you so much for allowing me to use your words, I couldn’t have written such a fitting piece and the new version of dad was as lovable as the old, if not more so in some ways. I like the idea that we all adapt to a new personality and a new way of life as often the family members feelings are a little overlooked by those who have no dementia experience. I think those of us who have been on a dementia journey have a special bond. We know the horrors and delights the journey can hold but it’s virtually impossible to explain that to someone on the outside. Thank you again for your post, it’s made me feel a sense of relief that I can share something positive at Dad’s funeral and make me proud of the commitment I showed to caring for him x

 

[maryjoan]

In loving memory of my lovely Dad

Having someone you love diagnosed with dementia is a cruel blow.

We understood from the start that there was nothing we could do to prevent this disease, but we could control how we dealt with it. We decided there would be no room for pity and that acceptance was the only way forward. We walked this journey with you and as the years passed we saw the new you shine through. We didn't look back at what you'd lost, we looked forward and focussed on what you still had. You made us smile every day, we listened to you and when you laughed we laughed. It never mattered that you didn't remember us, you were still you and that could never be taken away. Our memories of you will be a mixture of the old you and the new you, both very precious and very dear. You have now found your peace and with that comes our peace. This journey has been full of love, laughter, heartache and a deep understanding of dementia and that love and acceptance are the most beautiful precious gifts we possess.

I wrote this 4 days after my dad passed. It was wrote straight from my heart and is a true reflection of how we dealt with his dementia. This was read at his funeral.

How very well done of you! And what a glorious attitude - you are surely very proud of your Dad, and rightly so. - also proud of the way in which you handled things - not easy, and not all of us have the ability - well done.