Help and advice

[piper4750]

My dad has alzheimers and my mum is his carer, but she has been taken into hospital with kidney infection so between me my husband and sister we are looking after him. He has been quite agitated about it.. doesnt believe she is in hospital and thinks we are consipring against him by not telling him where she is. I take him to see her but he forgets. but when I say things like do you remember this he says oh yes it rings a bell. But then he keeps saying where is your mum.. and can get quite agressive about it. I just keep telling him where she is and he says i dont remember and I would remember something like that. When we tell him its his memory making him forget he then says he should be in a home. I am doing the right thing telling him about his memory and having alzheimers?

Sorry for going on and on.

Jan

 

[bated01]

Hi Jan,

A similar thing happned to me recently. My nan has Dementia, her only child (my dad) passed away 2 years ago so it is just me and my brother left. My grandad was caring for her until the end of august when he was taken into hospital and passed away on 1st September.

No my brother, myself and my mum (nans daughter inlaw) have been coping on our own.

If it was me i would avoid telling him it is his memory, we tried that with my nan and it malkes her feel like the confusion is all her fault and then she gets annoyed with herself which leads to more problematic behaviour.

Feel free to ask me anything else, where i feel useless in helping my nan at least i may be able to help people here

Debbie xx

 

[connie]

Dear Jan, normally I would say try to work around it, and don't keep reminding him that he has a memory problem.

However I realise that you have to tell him where she is, especially as you take him to visit her.

The only thing you could try (takes so much patience) is to answer each time as if he has never asked before, gently explaining as you go. Coupled with "shall we take her something nice in next time" or "didn't she look well" without making it obvious that he is forgetting.

You may have tried all this, if so I'm sorry. Just wanted you to know that someone is listening. Take care.

 

[BeckyJan]

Hello:

It is a problem. For a while I was able to write short notes of explanation e.g.:

'Today we went to visit Mum in hospital. She looks a lot better and was pleased to see you. You took her a box of ..... ' When we got home we all had ..... for tea.'

The trouble starts when they forget to look at the note!

You may have to find various ways of handling it - each day and each person are so different.

Good luck Jan

 

[jenny48]

Hi Piper

I really have no answer to your query as everyone is different, my mum knows most of the time its her memory that's gone even when she can't tell us anything else. I put this down to the fact she nursed her own mother for a few years before she had to go in a home.I do not know if I would have told her or not if she hadn't told me and the doctor so many times that she is "like my mum, a bit forgetful", to say the that is an understatement but thats the nature of the illness. Sorry I can't help but I do wish you luck for whatever you decide.

Good luck

Jenny