Crying night after night

[tryingmybest]

UPDATE........Took Mum to the doctors today. As we got there she said she needed the toilet and she certainly did. I managed to get her to the toilet in time and had a right mess to sort out as she had explosive diarrhoea Fortunately I always have a bag in the car for all eventualities so rushed outside to get it in order to sort her out, missing our appointment in doing so. They kindly fitted us in a bit later and we saw a very nice locum. He's given Mum some antibiotics to clear her chest and anything else that may be going on at the mo plus, to my amazement, gave me a drug to help calm her. Lorazapan. I'm only to give her half a tablet but apparently they work within half an hour so I'm very hopeful of a good reaction to this. It hopefully will enable me to keep her calm which will dramatically improve my life and enable me to continue caring for Mum especially at night and as well, improve how Mum feels! I'm so relieved. Just hope they work. He even asked me how I was coping and he knew how tough it is. No ones asked about me before!!

In the meantime.....had to also rush Twix one of my dogs, to the vets who is now on antibiotics and intrasite gel, as whilst cuddling her, discovered a very deep cut on the inside of her back leg. No idea how she did that but perhaps she caught it on something when running on the drove? What a day!!! Xx

 

[rosy18]

My Mum used to be so unsettled throughout the night. I used to dread it, and then my GP suggested Trazadone 50mg taken at lunchtime and it was a life saver It calmed Mum down didn't make her sleep just calmed her. Two years later the dose was increased to 2 x 50mg daily 1pm and 5pm and Mum now sleeps through the night and is nice and settled. We may have 4 nights per month when Mum just chats gibberish all night, but I can cope as the majority of the time Mum is ok. I do hope your GP has offered you some advice and that 2019 may be a little easier for you. I can sympathise and know how hard it can be coping on your own. My Mum is now later stages and not mobile anymore so makes it a little easier.
Let's hope 2019 will bring you some much needed help. For the last 18months I have had carers to help me and often wonder how I coped for so long on my own. You're doing a marvellous job caring so devotadly for your Mum.

 

[tryingmybest]

You are entitled to a SS needs assessment for your mother, but it's a bit pointless as they won't follow it up as she is self funding. My mother is self funding and had two SS assessments, but it was down to me to arrange the care for her. They might give you a list of care agencies, but you can find them on the internet yourself. But the advantage of her being self funding is that you should be able to arrange any care she needs - so if you would like her to go to respite for a fortnight, or if you want any other input from carers, that shouldn't be a problem. Good luck with the GP, hope they are able to offer some help.

I think thats why they don't want to do them. There's no point as there would be no involvement from them. It just seems if your loved one is self funding you're just left to get on with things. I'm quite happy caring for Mum on my own - I don't want strangers in my home and nor would Mum as with all the animals it would be too stressful. I'd rather do it all myself. It was just the fact of Mum being so aggitated, especially at night, that's been wearing me down and I couldnt see the light at the end of the tunnel. Today, the doctor has given me something to calm her and Im cautiously optimistic as so far, so good tonight!!

 

[tryingmybest]

My Mum used to be so unsettled throughout the night. I used to dread it, and then my GP suggested Trazadone 50mg taken at lunchtime and it was a life saver It calmed Mum down didn't make her sleep just calmed her. Two years later the dose was increased to 2 x 50mg daily 1pm and 5pm and Mum now sleeps through the night and is nice and settled. We may have 4 nights per month when Mum just chats gibberish all night, but I can cope as the majority of the time Mum is ok. I do hope your GP has offered you some advice and that 2019 may be a little easier for you. I can sympathise and know how hard it can be coping on your own. My Mum is now later stages and not mobile anymore so makes it a little easier.
Let's hope 2019 will bring you some much needed help. For the last 18months I have had carers to help me and often wonder how I coped for so long on my own. You're doing a marvellous job caring so devotadly for your Mum.

Thank you. Yes the doctor has given me something for her today and so far so good so Im feeling optimistic tonight! My Mum.is in late stage but does still have a little mobility thank goodness. Sending you much love and strength. X

 

[rosy18]

I'm so pleased your GP has given your Mum some meds I do hope they make her feel more settled It really is heart breaking seeing them so anxious and agitated.Lots of love back and some ((hugs)) to start 2019 with xx

 

[tryingmybest]

I'm so pleased your GP has given your Mum some meds I do hope they make her feel more settled It really is heart breaking seeing them so anxious and agitated.Lots of love back and some ((hugs)) to start 2019 with xx

It certainly is as theres nothing you can say or do to help them when they get so aggitated and unsettled but yes Im so thankful. Hugs to you too. X

 

[Susan11]

UPDATE........Took Mum to the doctors today. As we got there she said she needed the toilet and she certainly did. I managed to get her to the toilet in time and had a right mess to sort out as she had explosive diarrhoea Fortunately I always have a bag in the car for all eventualities so rushed outside to get it in order to sort her out, missing our appointment in doing so. They kindly fitted us in a bit later and we saw a very nice locum. He's given Mum some antibiotics to clear her chest and anything else that may be going on at the mo plus, to my amazement, gave me a drug to help calm her. Lorazapan. I'm only to give her half a tablet but apparently they work within half an hour so I'm very hopeful of a good reaction to this. It hopefully will enable me to keep her calm which will dramatically improve my life and enable me to continue caring for Mum especially at night and as well, improve how Mum feels! I'm so relieved. Just hope they work. He even asked me how I was coping and he knew how tough it is. No ones asked about me before!!

In the meantime.....had to also rush Twix one of my dogs, to the vets who is now on antibiotics and intrasite gel, as whilst cuddling her, discovered a very deep cut on the inside of her back leg. No idea how she did that but perhaps she caught it on something when running on the drove? What a day!!! Xx

So good to hear that the Dr listened to you and asked about you as well as your Mum. Good luck with the meds and really hope you have a more peaceful time in 2019. Best wishes Susan

 

[Sirena]

I'm so pleased you saw a sympathetic and helpful doctor - and fingers crossed the meds work for your mum and help both of you get a good night's sleep.

 

[tryingmybest]

So good to hear that the Dr listened to you and asked about you as well as your Mum. Good luck with the meds and really hope you have a more peaceful time in 2019. Best wishes Susan

Thank you. I gave Mum half of the tablet the doctor prescribed and yay, it worked!! She slept all night and so did I. In fact, I got up to let the dogs out, then gave Mum a drink and her tablets and changed her and we both fell asleep again until 10.45am!! Best wishes to you too. Xx

 

[tryingmybest]

I'm so pleased you saw a sympathetic and helpful doctor - and fingers crossed the meds work for your mum and help both of you get a good night's sleep.

Thank you! Well Mum slept through last night so fingers crossed this is going to be a new norm, thanks to the new meds. I feel as though a weights been lifted off my shoulders today tbh and hopefully, if Mum is calmer and sleeps, then its all less stressful for me and I will be able to keep caring for her at home!! X

 

[Susan11]

Thank you. I gave Mum half of the tablet the doctor prescribed and yay, it worked!! She slept all night and so did I. In fact, I got up to let the dogs out, then gave Mum a drink and her tablets and changed her and we both fell asleep again until 10.45am!! Best wishes to you too. Xx

What great news . A brilliant start to the new year....it will be like a different life for you. I am so pleased for you, Best wishes Susan

 

[tryingmybest]

What great news . A brilliant start to the new year....it will be like a different life for you. I am so pleased for you, Best wishes Susan

Thank you so much. Lets hope it continues. I'm feeling more optimistic today. X

 

[Baker17]

Thank you! Well Mum slept through last night so fingers crossed this is going to be a new norm, thanks to the new meds. I feel as though a weights been lifted off my shoulders today tbh and hopefully, if Mum is calmer and sleeps, then its all less stressful for me and I will be able to keep caring for her at home!! X

Oh I’m so pleased it worked and continues, it must have been such a relief for you, take care xx

 

[tryingmybest]

Oh I’m so pleased it worked and continues, it must have been such a relief for you, take care xx

Thank you. It certainly is!! Xx

 

[Bunpoots]

Another one here pleased for a good outcome. Long may it continue!

 

[MTM]

Just thinking, does your Mum have a TV in her room, sorry if you've said she has somewhere and you've missed it. Maybe she could watch TV in bed and you could sit in there with her. TVs these days also pick up radio channels so maybe putting the radio on quietly would soothe her.

Also I'd second the folks who suggest you get her a psychiatric assessment. My dad has Alzheimer's and he is very difficult. He shouts, swears, kicks people and spits on the floor. This is a stage of the disease. I am reliably informed that all patients pass through it and come out the other side calm. However, calm he ain't right now and without the help from them we would be all at sea. We have experimented with various drugs to help his mood and help keep him calm.

My dad and mum now sleep in separate rooms. Each one has a TV and because dad shouts and wanders around at night, there is a second bed in his room and the carers sleep in with him. It definitely reduces the amount of shouting he does because they can reassure him the moment he wakes up.

Second, it's really important to look after your own wellbeing and mental health. It's not going to help your mum if you make yourself ill, although I know it's hard, sometimes you have to accept that there is only so much you can do. I think the suggestions about respite are very sensible. If you qualify for state help, which is 4 20 minute visits a day, take it, because that's 80 minutes where you might be able to have a cup of tea or relax. I know they are meant to help get meals but I'd just ask them to sit with your mum for 20 minutes so you can go clear your head, or have a quick bath or nip up the road and back with the dogs or ... something.

Other things, have a think about cognitive behavioural therapy, CBT - for you. Both my parents have dementia and they live 150 miles away from me. I have a 10 year old lad and my husband works very long hours. When my lad hit two, I realised I was not going to be the daughter I believed I should be or had expected to be, for my parents. I swear I'd have absolutely lost it by now if I hadn't had CBT.

Finally, are you able to change your GP? I would if you can.

I hope something here helps, my heart goes out to you my dad was diagnosed in 2012 but he has been showing signs of memory loss and dementia since 2004.

 

[tryingmybest]

Another one here pleased for a good outcome. Long may it continue!

Ahhh thank you. X

 

[tryingmybest]

Another one here pleased for a good outcome. Long may it continue!

Thank you but think I spoke too soon and tempted fate. Not good at all here now.

 

[Susan11]

Thank you but think I spoke too soon and tempted fate. Not good at all here now.

Oh no. Perhaps the medication will work soon . Fingers crossed Thinking of you.

 

[tryingmybest]

Just thinking, does your Mum have a TV in her room, sorry if you've said she has somewhere and you've missed it. Maybe she could watch TV in bed and you could sit in there with her. TVs these days also pick up radio channels so maybe putting the radio on quietly would soothe her.

Also I'd second the folks who suggest you get her a psychiatric assessment. My dad has Alzheimer's and he is very difficult. He shouts, swears, kicks people and spits on the floor. This is a stage of the disease. I am reliably informed that all patients pass through it and come out the other side calm. However, calm he ain't right now and without the help from them we would be all at sea. We have experimented with various drugs to help his mood and help keep him calm.

My dad and mum now sleep in separate rooms. Each one has a TV and because dad shouts and wanders around at night, there is a second bed in his room and the carers sleep in with him. It definitely reduces the amount of shouting he does because they can reassure him the moment he wakes up.

Second, it's really important to look after your own wellbeing and mental health. It's not going to help your mum if you make yourself ill, although I know it's hard, sometimes you have to accept that there is only so much you can do. I think the suggestions about respite are very sensible. If you qualify for state help, which is 4 20 minute visits a day, take it, because that's 80 minutes where you might be able to have a cup of tea or relax. I know they are meant to help get meals but I'd just ask them to sit with your mum for 20 minutes so you can go clear your head, or have a quick bath or nip up the road and back with the dogs or ... something.

Other things, have a think about cognitive behavioural therapy, CBT - for you. Both my parents have dementia and they live 150 miles away from me. I have a 10 year old lad and my husband works very long hours. When my lad hit two, I realised I was not going to be the daughter I believed I should be or had expected to be, for my parents. I swear I'd have absolutely lost it by now if I hadn't had CBT.

Finally, are you able to change your GP? I would if you can.

I hope something here helps, my heart goes out to you my dad was diagnosed in 2012 but he has been showing signs of memory loss and dementia since 2004.

Thank ypu for your response. Bless you. Must be so tough for you with both parents having it and living so far away and with a young child too. My Dad had vascular dementia and passed away 5 years ago and so it's been horrific then having Mum with it too. I so feel for you.

Mum is self funding so we don't get any help. I could buy in help but Mum would not be happy having anyone here and I don't want strangers in to be honest. I'm quite happy doing everything for her but it's all getting too much with the constant crying and tantrums. It's unbearable.

I have a cd/radio player in Mums room but she has no interest in that now. She cannot focus on tv although sometimes watches Andre Rieu dvds but even that she's not much interest in now so I don't have a tv in there. There is just no consoling her when she gets in these paddys. I've seriously tried everything!

I'm a very strong person normally and actually trained as a counsellor, although never practised. Not sure I feel I need that but pleased it worked for you.

Re GP the one we saw yesterday sadly was a locum but unfortunately we rarely go as they are all pretty hopeless and not very dementia aware.