Grumpy OH

[margherita]

Now your daughter is recovering, that's what matters.
It must have been so hard for you.
Take care of yourself and your daughter.
Let us know how things are going.
((( hugs)))

 

[longlostfan]

Now your daughter is recovering, that's what matters.
It must have been so hard for you.
Take care of yourself and your daughter.
Let us know how things are going.
((( hugs)))

Thank you so much - I will do xx

 

[Mudgee Joy]

All strength to you @longlostfan - such a lot to manage all at once. Hope you can Stay well Through your many problems. We all do the best we can but realise some people like you get more than your share- hugs and love to you. XX

 

[longlostfan]

All strength to you @longlostfan - such a lot to manage all at once. Hope you can Stay well Through your many problems. We all do the best we can but realise some people like you get more than your share- hugs and love to you. XX

Thank you xxxx

 

[Beads]

Hi everyone, I’ve not posted for ages. It’s not been a bundle of laughs at my end, and although it’s nice to have a rant/moan I just want to feel happier and more positive when I post, and sadly I haven’t been.
Where to start.......my lovely daughter had a heart attack 6 weeks ago, she’s been feeling very stressed for some time but this was a bolt out of the blue. She’s only 45. She was driving and thank God managed to pull over and drive off the A1 and someone called an ambulance. She’s had treatment, a stent fitted but it’s been such a shock. My son and I had to make several trips to the hospital when she was in which was quite a distance from where we live - we had to hire a car as we got rid of ours as OH got so difficult about not being able to drive, a fact I thought he’d accepted, and would not realise it was now in my sons name anyway.
Anyway we had to leave him alone for several hours, he was not too bad though very confused, and still is.
He has also not been at all well, and I still have my labrynthitis and have had a few continuing visits to various audiology appointments!
Anyway, just to let you all know that I do think about you all and hope that you are managing to cope as best you can with all the day to day problems as best you can.
Love to all xx

Hi @longlostfan hope you are well, I’m not often on Grumpy thread now. Just happened on it & saw a post about your daughter so I found your post. I am sorry to read your daughter had a heart attack omg it’s no age bless her . So pleased she managed to pull over & get help. Stressful for you all but as long as your daughter is on the mend that is the main thing. You look after yourself speak soon. Axxx

 

[Beads]

Happy New Year to all on TP. Ax

 

[AliceA]

And you too.

 

[Beads]

Hi folks it’s been awhile since I was on here . OHs short term memory is really bad now & his mobility is less. To the point he can only walk possibly 20 yards & that’s it.
He has had a few falls this last week & to get him back on his feet is really difficult as he is tall & heavy.
We spent the weekend away in a static caravan & he was getting confused & unsettled late at night so we come home a day earlier. He knew no different that we had come back early .
@Rosebush how are you & how is your OH now hope he is settling ok in home.
@longlostfan hope you keeping well & have got rid of your dizziness how’s your OH & your daughter.
@margherita hope you ok & how’s your OH.
Take care all you carers . A x

 

[margherita]

Hi @Beads
Such a good idea to resume this thread!
OH is worsening, above all re memory and reasoning, while his physical health is not bad on the whole.

He is stubborn and arrogant, two features of his personality which are not new, but dementia had made them worse.
I am literally under house arrest. Not only is any kind of holiday on my own impossible, but even going to the supermarket is difficult, because he clings and wants to go with me.
I am exasperated. The two of us , only.
No conversation. He doesn't understand what I mean nine out of ten times.
I stick to the advice I have often read here, so I never argue (well...when I do not lose it..), never explain, never contradict ( even though he thinks I am contradicting him also when I am not).
I have added " never speak ". It would be only , as we say in Italian," wasted breath".
I know so many people here are struggling to manage situations by far worse than mine, and I feel a bit guilty about my long rant.

 

[Rosebush]

Hi folks it’s been awhile since I was on here . OHs short term memory is really bad now & his mobility is less. To the point he can only walk possibly 20 yards & that’s it.
He has had a few falls this last week & to get him back on his feet is really difficult as he is tall & heavy.
We spent the weekend away in a static caravan & he was getting confused & unsettled late at night so we come home a day earlier. He knew no different that we had come back early .
@Rosebush how are you & how is your OH now hope he is settling ok in home.
@longlostfan hope you keeping well & have got rid of your dizziness how’s your OH & your daughter.
@margherita hope you ok & how’s your OH.
Take care all you carers . A x

Hi Beads, lovely to hear from you, hope you are ok. OH seems to have settled in ok, I am going to see him tomorrow, I usually stay about 3 hours and leave after he has had his lunch, the staff are lovely and always offer me food. Alan spends most of the day and night wandering up and down the corridors, can't sit still for more than 5 minutes!. I always look forward to the visits but to be honest it's a bit of a waste of time as I spend most of the time talking to the staff as he just keeps wandering off, also he has started to wee anywhere but the toilet, I think he has just forgotten what the toilet is for, he always smells of wee, even though he has a wash every day, perhaps tomorrow will be different, fingers crossed. Take care Beads, glad you are back

 

[Beads]

Hi @Beads
Such a good idea to resume this thread!
OH is worsening, above all re memory and reasoning, while his physical health is not bad on the whole.

He is stubborn and arrogant, two features of his personality which are not new, but dementia had made them worse.
I am literally under house arrest. Not only is any kind of holiday on my own impossible, but even going to the supermarket is difficult, because he clings and wants to go with me.
I am exasperated. The two of us , only.
No conversation. He doesn't understand what I mean nine out of ten times.
I stick to the advice I have often read here, so I never argue (well...when I do not lose it..), never explain, never contradict ( even though he thinks I am contradicting him also when I am not).
I have added " never speak ". It would be only , as we say in Italian," wasted breath".
I know so many people here are struggling to manage situations by far worse than mine, and I feel a bit guilty about my long rant.

 

[Beads]

Hi M yes as I said haven’t been on for awhile. The house arrest is not good so wish you could manage some time off. I can understand you feeling exasperated we all need some me time away from our PWD.
Definitely things are highlighted more once diagnosed with dementia.
I too try not to argue or contradict but sometimes it’s impossible as I am no saint & cant stop myself.
I agree when I read posts on here I think I have it pretty easy compared to others .
Nice to hear from you M take care Axx

 

[Beads]

Hi Beads, lovely to hear from you, hope you are ok. OH seems to have settled in ok, I am going to see him tomorrow, I usually stay about 3 hours and leave after he has had his lunch, the staff are lovely and always offer me food. Alan spends most of the day and night wandering up and down the corridors, can't sit still for more than 5 minutes!. I always look forward to the visits but to be honest it's a bit of a waste of time as I spend most of the time talking to the staff as he just keeps wandering off, also he has started to wee anywhere but the toilet, I think he has just forgotten what the toilet is for, he always smells of wee, even though he has a wash every day, perhaps tomorrow will be different, fingers crossed. Take care Beads, glad you are back

Hi @Rosebush nice to hear from you too hope you are well also. Glad to here Alan has settled in ok that will make you a lot more content. Does he still know who you are @Rosebush . At least you know you have been to see him even if he is wandering all the time. Hope your visit today goes ok.
Take care of yourself & thankyou I will try & keep my thread going again speak soon .

 

[margherita]

The house arrest is not good so wish you could manage some time off. I can understand you feeling exasperated we all need some me time away from our PWD.

Hi @Beads ,
I can't even go to the supermarket without him going with me.
Thank goodness it is spring and he will be spending some time pottering in the garden.
I am so exasperated.
One day I will go away on my own and never go back...

 

[margherita]

Alan spends most of the day and night wandering up and down the corridors, can't sit still for more than 5 minutes!. I

Hi @Rosebush,
thank goodness your OH is in a care home.
You couldn't have coped his never ending wandering. It would have been dangerous for him and unbearable for you.

 

[Mudgee Joy]

It’s interesting how things change over time !
I bought a few devices to track my husband when he wandered - but now he can’t walk far enough to get lost.
My husband used to upset me with his sundowning and wanting to “go home’- now I just say I’ll take you tomorrow/ and he is saying it much less !!
Things change - not all for the worse!!

 

[Beads]

Hi @Beads ,
I can't even go to the supermarket without him going with me.
Thank goodness it is spring and he will be spending some time pottering in the garden.
I am so exasperated.
One day I will go away on my own and never go back...

I can at least go to the supermarket on my own as I go early morning & he’s usually still in bed till long after lunchtime.
Even if he was up he couldn’t walk around supermarket he would have to sit in the car & I would be rushing around to get back. As lately when I have left him in the car to pop into a shop when I’ve got back the lights are on the car & he’s been messing around with all the settings.
Ye roll on the good weather M & he can get from under your feet.
A. x

 

[longlostfan]

Hi everyone, it’s been quite a while since I posted on here and in fact I haven’t been on the forum much.
Quite difficult to post this now as I have such mixed emotions of sadness and guilt etc but my OH died about 2 months ago having had a severe heart attack. Although we knew he had heart problems this was a shock - he’d been walking better and had stopped using his rollator some of the time. However, on reflection he had been getting more confused and agitated. At least the day before he died we’d been out to our local town and had a nice afternoon, taking advantage of a new bus service which had just started enabling us to go out more.
Although I’d got frustrated, tired and all the feelings we all have dealing with dementia, now he’s gone I really miss him. And feel guilty when I think of the times I felt short tempered.
Well my consolation is, that he loved his home and we did manage to care for him here. At least he was spared the final stages of AD which would have been devastating for him.
My best wishes to you all. Xxxxx

 

[Lorna44]

So sorry to hear about your husband, thinking of you and your family x

 

[longlostfan]

So sorry to hear about your husband, thinking of you and your family x

Thank you xx