I have read about how important routine is to pwd. Yesterday was a case in point. Mum hasn't cooked at Christmas for three years now so I thought I'd try and do something a bit special for her. It failed as soon as she got up and smelt the strange aromas from the kitchen. From then on everything was wrong: 'Why was the oven on' etc etc. By the afternoon she was asking who I was - in the certainty that I wasn't her son, which I am, and demanding that I go home (I currently live in). In the evening I had returned to my normal evening status which is a cross between myself and Dad (deceased 10 years). The lesson is, I suppose, that there is a point in dementia where the pwd is more secure with a fixed and familiar routine.
Christmas
- Thread starter Hedgepig
- Start date
This illness is so sad. As Grannie G says, you would have felt guilty if you hadn't made the effort, but then for making it, you feel guilty for upsetting the routine. It's hard to know what to do for best sometimes.
We had a slight change to Mum's routine yesterday and it completely threw her as well.
I hope your Mum is more settled today.
We had a slight change to Mum's routine yesterday and it completely threw her as well.
I hope your Mum is more settled today.
That sounds very distressing for you all. Same kind of scenario here, tried to keep things low key but it still threw my mum. She was distressed she hadn’t put money in her cards (she had), culminated in me going through her bag and removing £1200 in cash that she must have got out at varying times. I’ve been to visit today along with having 2 phone calls about not having put money in cards, it’s hard, we can only do what we think is the best thing to do at the time
We also tried to make it a nice day for dad. It was very low key. We took dinner to dad and it was just myself, my husband and our son (who disappeared soon after dinner)
No fuss, no crackers or funny hats, just us four having a simple meal. We watched TV in the evening and my husband and myself stayed the night.
Dad must have asked 50 times, when is Christmas day and did I do cards for the family and did he put money in the cards and has he got any money left and has he got enough food in his fridge.
Dad had a couple of small whisky's and ginger. My husband and I had a couple of much larger whisky's with only a dash of ginger and we watched the two Ronnies followed by the last half of the Tommy Cooper story before going to bed.
Did my best but it was very hard and I have realised that dad is a lot worse than I realised. His short term memory is probably about 1 minute. Also he spent a lot of time picking his scalp. He has a couple of sore spots probably because he has not had a shower or hair wash for weeks . Now I need to address the not washing problem instead of just letting it slide so that is for tomorrow.
Glad it is all over.
No fuss, no crackers or funny hats, just us four having a simple meal. We watched TV in the evening and my husband and myself stayed the night.
Dad must have asked 50 times, when is Christmas day and did I do cards for the family and did he put money in the cards and has he got any money left and has he got enough food in his fridge.
Dad had a couple of small whisky's and ginger. My husband and I had a couple of much larger whisky's with only a dash of ginger and we watched the two Ronnies followed by the last half of the Tommy Cooper story before going to bed.
Did my best but it was very hard and I have realised that dad is a lot worse than I realised. His short term memory is probably about 1 minute. Also he spent a lot of time picking his scalp. He has a couple of sore spots probably because he has not had a shower or hair wash for weeks . Now I need to address the not washing problem instead of just letting it slide so that is for tomorrow.
Glad it is all over.
I know exactly how you feel. We had no extra visitors or any excitement whatsoever planned, so I hoped to sail through Christmas without incident. But on Christmas Eve evening Mum was calm so I made some mince pies (I'm getting tired of paying for pastry with a teeny blob of mincemeat in there somewhere!) and a trifle.
Mum was always the Trifle Queen, and maybe this was part of what upset the apple cart. At about 11pm when she'd normally be starting to tire and I might be able to persuade her into her bed, she decided she had to go home to her mother. In the last 6 months we've had less of that, thankfully, which has helped counterbalance the shift towards double incontinence, but it was after 5am on Christmas Day before she eventually ran out of angry anxiety steam and slept.
We had a couple of good hours when she got up at noon-ish, and she loved watching her distant grandson assemble his Christmas Lego, via Skype, for half an hour or so. But that unsettled her again and she wanted to go to her mother straight after.
A long, quiet, grey and damp walk seemed to have tired her out and settled her, but she only messed with the simple but tasty Christmas dinner I prepared, and even the (rather excellent if I say so myself) trifle I made was only half-eaten. It was all rather disheartening... especially when I turned my back and my glass of port ended up all over the sofa, just when I was ready to sit down and 'relax'.
Ho, ho, holy heck, give me a break!
Still, the second glass ended up in me rather than all over my phone and the TV remote, and the gravy had definitely benefited from a glug of port as well. Mum benefited from me sneaking half a lorazepam into her evening pills when I could eventually get her to take them, and by 10 she was fast asleep. She only woke once in the night, which was a festive blummin' miracle! Normally if I get three hours without a break I feel blessed.
But today she's just been weary and grumpy and won't eat much again. We didn't even get out for a walk, which is a shame, because she hasn't been to the loo properly for days so I'm on permanent poo-watch and was hoping exercise would get things stirring.
Never mind, this too will pass!
Earlier on I watched the Christmas 'Good Life' which I recorded the other day. I still think that's the best bit of seasonal TV ever made... though that may be because my inner teenage self still can't resist Felicity Kendal.
Anyway, Christmas... yes... a potential war zone at the best of time, but we stagger through it somehow. If we're lucky there's a truce at some point and we all get to kick a football around for a few hours before battle begins again. But it's a battle worth fighting... I keep telling myself. ;-)
Good luck out there, everyone. There's a garden near us where a row of very early daffodils are coming up remarkably early, planted up against what must be a warm south facing wall. The fat flower buds don't seem to be far off bursting open.
The seasons are marching on relentlessly; sometimes dragging us along by the hair, sometimes leading us by the hand. But always reminding us there's more to life than our day to day trials.
Mum was always the Trifle Queen, and maybe this was part of what upset the apple cart. At about 11pm when she'd normally be starting to tire and I might be able to persuade her into her bed, she decided she had to go home to her mother. In the last 6 months we've had less of that, thankfully, which has helped counterbalance the shift towards double incontinence, but it was after 5am on Christmas Day before she eventually ran out of angry anxiety steam and slept.
We had a couple of good hours when she got up at noon-ish, and she loved watching her distant grandson assemble his Christmas Lego, via Skype, for half an hour or so. But that unsettled her again and she wanted to go to her mother straight after.
A long, quiet, grey and damp walk seemed to have tired her out and settled her, but she only messed with the simple but tasty Christmas dinner I prepared, and even the (rather excellent if I say so myself) trifle I made was only half-eaten. It was all rather disheartening... especially when I turned my back and my glass of port ended up all over the sofa, just when I was ready to sit down and 'relax'.
Ho, ho, holy heck, give me a break!
Still, the second glass ended up in me rather than all over my phone and the TV remote, and the gravy had definitely benefited from a glug of port as well. Mum benefited from me sneaking half a lorazepam into her evening pills when I could eventually get her to take them, and by 10 she was fast asleep. She only woke once in the night, which was a festive blummin' miracle! Normally if I get three hours without a break I feel blessed.
But today she's just been weary and grumpy and won't eat much again. We didn't even get out for a walk, which is a shame, because she hasn't been to the loo properly for days so I'm on permanent poo-watch and was hoping exercise would get things stirring.
Never mind, this too will pass!
Earlier on I watched the Christmas 'Good Life' which I recorded the other day. I still think that's the best bit of seasonal TV ever made... though that may be because my inner teenage self still can't resist Felicity Kendal.
Anyway, Christmas... yes... a potential war zone at the best of time, but we stagger through it somehow. If we're lucky there's a truce at some point and we all get to kick a football around for a few hours before battle begins again. But it's a battle worth fighting... I keep telling myself. ;-)
Good luck out there, everyone. There's a garden near us where a row of very early daffodils are coming up remarkably early, planted up against what must be a warm south facing wall. The fat flower buds don't seem to be far off bursting open.
The seasons are marching on relentlessly; sometimes dragging us along by the hair, sometimes leading us by the hand. But always reminding us there's more to life than our day to day trials.
@Hedgepig With my dad at times you're damned if you do stick to routine, and maybe damned if you do too! We initially stuck to routines and then after a while we realised sometimes if he was 'in that mood', we'd have to force him to (which we don't like to do) or he just wasn't going to do/like the routine regardless
He was doing something similar to your mum when Christmas dinner was being prepared on Christmas Eve, not that he was saying things were wrong, it was just that he had to be in the way, so things took longer to do.
On the day itself he had wet himself in the morning so had a warm bath in the late morning and then literally throughout the day, he was more asleep or dozy off than awake. We had difficulty getting him to go out with us and then to come back home - all routine - and then to have something to eat (which is unusual as his appetite is pretty good), but that aside Christmas Day was peaceful due to him not being awake..
He was doing something similar to your mum when Christmas dinner was being prepared on Christmas Eve, not that he was saying things were wrong, it was just that he had to be in the way, so things took longer to do.
On the day itself he had wet himself in the morning so had a warm bath in the late morning and then literally throughout the day, he was more asleep or dozy off than awake. We had difficulty getting him to go out with us and then to come back home - all routine - and then to have something to eat (which is unusual as his appetite is pretty good), but that aside Christmas Day was peaceful due to him not being awake..
We had mum round Christmas Eve, which she seemed to enjoy, but then Telecare rang at 2.45 am. I went round, mum's in bed fully clothed with shoes on, the shower is running and the flat full of steam. Then at least an hour persuading her it wasn't morning or breakfast time. Had to literally undress her and tuck her into bed before staggering back to bed around 4.15. Not a good start to Christmas! She has never seriously confused day and night before and I think it was due to the change in routine with coming to us and sitting round a table with 4 other people, instead of just me and her in her flat. And there's me thinking it would be really nice to have a proper family meal for once.
Thanks everyone, it's very good not to feel totally alone in these situations. I've been living in for 5 weeks after Mum fell and grazed her arm badly, then insisted on removing all the dressings the practice nurse had put on, risking infection and septicaemia. On the night of 29th I got my marching orders. Mum wouldn't accept I was family and there to support her. My driving licence was judged a forgery and, having persuaded her to ring my brother, she refused to accept his assurances on my identity. So, I had to leave. Courses I've been on explain that this is entirely logical from the pwd's point of view. She doesn't recognise the person who is sitting with her, feels threatened by the presence and beside herself from her inability to get the 'alien' to leave. From the point of view of normal human relationships her actions were nasty, vicious, and utterly soul-destroying for someone who has looked out for her for ten years since Dad died.
Hello everyone!
Dad had a wonderful Christmas with us but I ended up snapping at my brother. I had prepared lunch with my sister-in-law cooking the roast veg. My brother had carved the chicken and most things were on the table however when I went to get dad's jar of chili. He said to leave it as the food was getting cold and then he was telling me that the plates were cold and I should have been more organised. I snapped and said "I'm sorry I'm so defective" before going back into the kitchen and continuing to dish up. At the dinner table I looked at my brother and I could tell he was a bit upset which made me emotional as this shouldn't have happened on Christmas Day. Then I looked at dad's happy face and I thought that all the effort was worth it and I realised although he was suffering from Alzheimers he was more appreciative than my brother and his wife. I think that part of this is due to the fact that my brother is doubting my ability to manage my finances and dad's fees (see 'Staying In Dad's House'). However at the end of the day he did tell me that I had done well my other brother came two days later and he also brought dad and this went better although he thought I was a bit too cool when it came to dad's fees (see ' Staying In Dad's House). He says I need to get my skates on and move out and I can see his point but this scenario has been on my mind for sometime and I need to get on with other things as well. Also if I moved out of the area then it would be him having to liaise with the care home!
Happy New Year everyone
MaNaAk
Dad had a wonderful Christmas with us but I ended up snapping at my brother. I had prepared lunch with my sister-in-law cooking the roast veg. My brother had carved the chicken and most things were on the table however when I went to get dad's jar of chili. He said to leave it as the food was getting cold and then he was telling me that the plates were cold and I should have been more organised. I snapped and said "I'm sorry I'm so defective" before going back into the kitchen and continuing to dish up. At the dinner table I looked at my brother and I could tell he was a bit upset which made me emotional as this shouldn't have happened on Christmas Day. Then I looked at dad's happy face and I thought that all the effort was worth it and I realised although he was suffering from Alzheimers he was more appreciative than my brother and his wife. I think that part of this is due to the fact that my brother is doubting my ability to manage my finances and dad's fees (see 'Staying In Dad's House'). However at the end of the day he did tell me that I had done well my other brother came two days later and he also brought dad and this went better although he thought I was a bit too cool when it came to dad's fees (see ' Staying In Dad's House). He says I need to get my skates on and move out and I can see his point but this scenario has been on my mind for sometime and I need to get on with other things as well. Also if I moved out of the area then it would be him having to liaise with the care home!
Happy New Year everyone
MaNaAk
The first time it happened to me was when i was staying overnight as my dad had walked out his house the night before and, although I wasn't told to go, I tried not to fall asleep as he threatened me. That said though his mood changed for the better when I changed the TV channel over from the crime programme we were watching to a comedy and he was apologetic the next morning.
It now happens on rare occasions and a tip I got from here is to say that you will go and get 'Hedgepig', go out the room and then return with a different top/jacket/hair up/etc to act like your a different person to the one who left the room. it doesn't always work but worth a try as I used this on a perfectly fine top he refused to put on. I put it behind my back and then produced it like it was different. No problem.
