Can't help feeling sad

[nestle]

Sorry folks, know plenty in more difficult shoes than me but still find it difficult to come to terms with old friends of 25 years being so 'not there for me' even at Christmas , not even for cup tea for half an hour . I tried reaching out but no avail . Feeling abandoned
neglected and hurt but then am super tiered as well.
Wishing you all a peaceful and happy as possible Christmas X

 

[Shedrech]

sorry to read that @nestle
it's tough when you get up the nerve to reach out and the friend doesn't grasp how much a few minutes of their time would mean - maybe there's so much going on with them that they can't see the wood for the trees and perspective will come back
glad you thought to come to TP
I hope you manage to have some rest
best wishes

 

[Beate]

I would try again in the new year - now so close to Christmas most people are so busy with preparations that they can't spare the time.

 

[Philbo]

My wife had a number of close friends from work who kept in touch after she had to give up work due to back problems. They would pop in to see us, especially on the run up to Christmas. That stopped though, once she was diagnosed with dementia. A coupe of them did visit for the first 2 years and I realise it was difficult for them, as my wife isn't able to communicate much. Perhaps also, they find it quite upsetting seeing the deterioration in her but I think it's such a shame.

Still, we've made a whole new bunch of great friends in our local pub, where we only started going after my wife was diagnosed. They have been so supportive, for which I am truly grateful.
Without this "lifeline", I think I would have gone nuts.

Merry Christmas everyone.
Phil

 

[Guzelle]

So sorry to here this nestle but it is common people stop bothering with you when one of you has dementia. My OH had a few friends he saw in the pub and walking club but sincere his diagnosis no one has been near us. I feel abandoned and isolated a lot and sad. We do go out a lot as he is still very mobile. But also 3 of his friends also have dementia and he won’t go and see them either! I have offered to take him but he won’t go.

 

[nestle]

Thank you everybody , I understand everybody has busy lives and have had to recognise the need to make new friends . Thanks folks for listening and sharing with me . I'm lucky enough to be able to take OH to stay with family and know I have plenty to be grateful for its just sometimes you crave the comfort of old friends or past times I guess . Letting go is hard to do .

 

[RosettaT]

I think it's because people just don't know how to deal with it.

We have an old friend who was very patronising when my OH started showing symptoms of memory loss so I went into protective mode because I couldn't deal with it and shielded my oh as much as possible, making excuses as to why he can't talk on the phone etc, and still haven't told our friends. Just lately I have realised that it isn't helping me to deal with it, I can't take on that additional chore, so after new year I intend to tell them. If they don't stay in contact then I've decided that is their problem not mine and they aren't the friends I thought they were.
I do wonder tho how I would have reacted if it was one of them with dementia , tho looking after mum for 20 yrs I think I would have been supportive.

 

[Martarita]

I think it's because people just don't know how to deal with it.

We have an old friend who was very patronising when my OH started showing symptoms of memory loss so I went into protective mode because I couldn't deal with it and shielded my oh as much as possible, making excuses as to why he can't talk on the phone etc, and still haven't told our friends. Just lately I have realised that it isn't helping me to deal with it, I can't take on that additional chore, so after new year I intend to tell them. If they don't stay in contact then I've decided that is their problem not mine and they aren't the friends I thought they were.
I do wonder tho how I would have reacted if it was one of them with dementia , tho looking after mum for 20 yrs I think I would have been supportive.

Sorry folks, know plenty in more difficult shoes than me but still find it difficult to come to terms with old friends of 25 years being so 'not there for me' even at Christmas , not even for cup tea for half an hour . I tried reaching out but no avail . Feeling abandoned
neglected and hurt but then am super tiered as well.
Wishing you all a peaceful and happy as possible Christmas X

i really know what your saying and it does make you very sad .i think that's exactly what I was trying to say in my last post .
That's why here on TP everyone knows how you are feeling and understands ,there's always someone to talk to . Hope everyone has a peaceful Christmas ,take care .Thank you Talking Point.xx

 

[Janie M]

@nestle ... how true this rinds with me. OH has been like this for nearly 3 years, and Christmas feels awful this year. I think we all get the same, his siblings were “if there’s anything I can do” etc at first, lucky to even get a card from most of them! But, at the minute he’s watching the old Only Fools and Horses Christmas shows, warms my heart when he’s laughing. So, not our loss, and we’ll keep battling on. Even our sons have told them a few home truths. Thank goodness for TP where were all in this, at some stage, together. Love and hugs. X

 

[Martarita]

@nestle ... how true this rinds with me. OH has been like this for nearly 3 years, and Christmas feels awful this year. I think we all get the same, his siblings were “if there’s anything I can do” etc at first, lucky to even get a card from most of them! But, at the minute he’s watching the old Only Fools and Horses Christmas shows, warms my heart when he’s laughing. So, not our loss, and we’ll keep battling on. Even our sons have told them a few home truths. Thank goodness for TP where were all in this, at some stage, together. Love and hugs. X

So true Janie M ,when the old person comes shining through ,and we're so thankful that we've still got them .hope you have a peaceful Christmas . Take Care .xx

 

[Sad Staffs]

I think we find out who really cares about us, especially at this time of year.
You find out which friends, and indeed which family members care about you.
It’s been a revelation to me, B xx