Going on alone

[sunray]

Had the neurosurgeon''s report and the aneurysm is inoperable. Another specialist to see every six months. The next lymphodema garment is ready to it but they don't have an appointment until November. Life goes on. Sometimes I get disheartened but really what is the point. Better to just go on with the usual routine and enjoy each day as it comes.

 

[Grannie G]

I'm sorry to hear this Sue . I'm not surprised you get disheartened.

 

[sunray]

Two sad news items, my man friend from 2016 who has become a great friend died aged 70 a couple of weeks ago. His funeral was last Friday. On Friday afternoon my friend of the last 60 years, my first girlfriend after my arrival in Australia, died of a brain aneurysm. She and I went through school together and have always maintained our friendship. Friends like Jean are irreplaceable. I am devastated at losing two good friends so close together.

 

[Izzy]

Oh @sunray how terribly sad. I'm so sorry for your loss. You must be devastated.

 

[Saffie]

That is so sad for you. It must be so hard especially when you are already been going through a difficult time. I am so sorry.x

 

[Grannie G]

I'm so sorry to hear your news Sue.

 

[sunray]

We all know life just has to go on. I have a routine I have accepted as my normal and that is the framework of my daily life. I guess at my age death in my friendship group is inevitable. But close friends are irreplaceable and so there is a loss that is harder to come to terms with.

 

[grouse]

I'm so sorry Sue, that's very hard to accept and deal with.

 

[sunray]

Just had a week away and now ready to plunge into the madness that is summer and Christmas together in Australia. This is when I miss Ray the most, when there should have been a "we" instead of just "me". " What will we do?" was an exciting period of making plans, with just me it is a season of polite attendance at social gatherings where I mostly still feel alone. Bah Humbug.

 

[Izzy]

Just had a week away and now ready to plunge into the madness that is summer and Christmas together in Australia. This is when I miss Ray the most, when there should have been a "we" instead of just "me". " What will we do?" was an exciting period of making plans, with just me it is a season of polite attendance at social gatherings where I mostly still feel alone. Bah Humbug.

Thinking of you. x

 

[sunray]

Just got fitted with my new pressure garments, a leggings suit from mid calf to waist and a pair of stockings from toes to knees. It feels a lot like a wetsuit as it is rubbery and quite stiff. It is supposed to control the lymphoedema but I wonder if it will work at this point so long after the February lymph node dissection. It will be hard to wear this outfit through our hot and humid summer. I will just have to persevere as well I can. I will wear long pants, long skirts and maxi (long) dresses. I want to look glamourous but with thick brown stockings that is not going to happen is it?

 

[Izzy]

Oh @sunray, that's tough. As you say it will be even harder during your hot weather. Wishing you well. x

 

[Grannie G]

IT sounds so uncomfortable @sunray. I hate the feeling of tight clothes so goodness knows how this must feel. I suppose we can get used to anything if we have to and I just hope it does the trick and helps your lymphoedema

 

[sunray]

Just over a week in the new leggings and stockings and I am having difficulty adjusting to the weight, the density and the discomfort of the garments. One of the problems is their inability to shed heat. I hope I can find.a solution to that with summer coming. I feel like I am carrying a log instead of a leg around. I know in time I will get used to it.

 

[Grannie G]

I know in time I will get used to it.

I do hope so Sue. As one who hates tight clothes, and they don`t even weigh, I can understand how you are feeling,

 

[sunray]

Just been out west to Broken Hill. On the way out we flew through a dust storm for an hour which was scary. Luck was on our side and we were able to land, but many other flights were cancelled. It. was quite reasonable weather, still cold of a night which I rather enjoyed. It was good to be with Trevor and Alice and I love being in a country environment. The main problem is of course the weather, too dry and the wind brings the dust into town. Sad for the house proud I guess. But I do always enjoy my stay and the time I spend with my son and grand daughter.

 

[grouse]

Glad to hear you had a nice stay Sue, hope the leggings aren't giving you too much bother and you are finding ways to cope with them x

 

[sunray]

Went to another Lions Christmas party alone. I still feel I want to be part of a couple. I hate that there is no_one to share my experiences with. I know others don't feel ss lonely as I do and I don't want to feel criticised because of it. I never thought I would feel the way I do. Sort of vulnerable. I still hate coming home to an empty house at night.

 

[Grannie G]

Sorry to hear you're still struggling Sue. It`s so different for everyone.

 

[sunray]

Christmas is over, I was with my daughter and her family. It was lovely to be with family and her husbsnd is a great cook so good food as well as good company. I had phone calls from both of my sons too. Trevor and Alice from Broken Hill will be here for New Year, staying ten days so I will have company to see the New Year in for a change. 2019 is just ahead, hope you all have a happier, healthier New Year.