Stress of family members with dementia

[garfield3]

Hello,
Just after some advice. At the moment mum has continued eating and weight loss issues. Father in law has dementia and cancer and been moved to respite, not sure if permanent situation. Dad is going blind and hubby has high BP due to stress.

Any ideas on how to cope. Very difficult at the moment. Feel like I'm going crazy . Garfield xx

 

[karaokePete]

That is a lot to contend with.

The only thing I can suggest is not to be afraid to turn to your GP as they may be able to help you through this tough time.

 

[LadyA]

@garfield3 , I've had a quick read through of your other posts, and I'm so sorry you are havng such a stressful time. It's a huge load to deal with. @karaokePete is right, a chat with your doctor won't do any harm. As hard as it is to acknowledge to ourselves, there comes a point when there is really no more we can do to help our loved ones, no matter how much we long to. The stress that creates is very hard to deal with. You and your OH need to take care of yourselves and each other too, as that is something you can do. If you can have, or make the time, going walking is really good, both physically and more important, mentally. But don't ignore your own health while caring for others.

 

[looviloo]

Just want send you a big hug... and echo previous advice to take steps in looking after your own well-being, including possibly a chat with your GP.

I've been on my own emotional rollercoaster this past few years and every now and then remind myself to pull back a bit, otherwise it all overwhelms me. As LadyA says, acknowledging that you can only do so much could be a the start of that x

 

[garfield3]

Thank you all for your kind words. I am trying to get to the gym. It helps to know that on this journey you are alone.

Hopefully, not going bat s****t crazy today .☺

 

[Bunpoots]

Hi @garfield3. I just wanted to add my support. I feel as though I'm going crazy too so I'm afraid I have no words of wisdom to add.

What has helped in the past when I've reached this point has been to take stock of what needs to be done and decide which things only I can do and which I could hand over to others...and take time for myself when I don't think about dementia at all.

Now I just need to take my own good advice

 

[wamw]

Hi @garfield3. I just wanted to add my support. I feel as though I'm going crazy too so I'm afraid I have no words of wisdom to add.

What has helped in the past when I've reached this point has been to take stock of what needs to be done and decide which things only I can do and which I could hand over to others...and take time for myself when I don't think about dementia at all.

Now I just need to take my own good advice

 

[wamw]

1. It is easier said than done, but I always think” if I become sick who will be there for OH”
2. Then I try and get some me time, and feel better for it

 

[yorkie46]

Since my husband was diagnosed with ftd in October I have been repeatedly told that I need to look after myself and take regular breaks.

1 He doesn't understand why I should need breaks because 'you don't have to do that much for me'

2 I don't have a large family nearby, just one daughter who works full time as a teacher and has a six year old son who I take and collect from school twice a week.

3 I've been suffering from depression and anxiety.

Yes he can be left during the day and until recently I managed a few days away with my sister who lives 200 miles away. My difficulty is I always feel guilty if I go out of have a few days away. I feel it's so easy for people to tell me what I should do but so difficult for me to do.

Any advice?

 

[maryjoan]

Since my husband was diagnosed with ftd in October I have been repeatedly told that I need to look after myself and take regular breaks.

1 He doesn't understand why I should need breaks because 'you don't have to do that much for me'

2 I don't have a large family nearby, just one daughter who works full time as a teacher and has a six year old son who I take and collect from school twice a week.

3 I've been suffering from depression and anxiety.

Yes he can be left during the day and until recently I managed a few days away with my sister who lives 200 miles away. My difficulty is I always feel guilty if I go out of have a few days away. I feel it's so easy for people to tell me what I should do but so difficult for me to do.

Any advice?

I have only had a few very short breaks in the last 2 years since OH became ill. I do not explain to him why I have to go without him - just tell him I will be away. He still thinks we will be going on holiday together - but that will not happen again.
Have you had a carers assessment? If not, you need one straight away - they will assist you more than you think possible, if you are honest with them about how you feel.

 

[AliceA]

Just follow your heart and instinct. Advice is cheap, I was told my husband needed to walk more, I tersely replied Well, if you anyone who would take him. Others are full of advice, we do not have to take it, it is still irritating, just do what you know is best for you both.

 

[yorkie46]

My husband occasionally suggests we could have a holiday together but I know this is never going to happen because I would need to find somewhere to go where he would have a comfortable bed and chair. I've told him it's impossible to know if he would be comfortable so there's no point trying.
I am hoping to get away in spring to stay with my sister who lives 200 miles away in a lovely country setting. Up to now he's managed on his own with some input from our daughter. I dread the time when I have to.arrange care for him while I get away.I
I'm planning on doing the carers assessment tomorrow but I'm not hopeful it will result in anything helpful. He doesn't need help with personal care and can get himself small meals. He will do odd things like this morning while I was out he has cleaned some bird mess off the window. Ok that's fine but now the whole window looks a mess, it's all smeary! I can't say anything because he thinks he's helping.
Oh well what will be will be!