Well we are well and truly on a rollercoaster ride and I’m not sure how much longer I can cope.
My mum was given a few weeks to live a month ago, and is in a nursing home, but also under the care of our local hospice.
In the last month we have had awful days, really awful days but also good days.
On a good day mum will eat a little sometimes (literally two spoonfuls of something) but on a good good day she has eaten nearly a whole meal. On a bad day she eats nothing.
Her fluid intake is also up and down. Some days she will only take sips of a drink and other days drink more.
She is doubly incontinent, and bed bound. She has vascular dementia and Parkinson’s disease.
On Friday she was awake when I visited and she chattered away about her personal effects. She told me she knew she didn’t have long left and is not frightened of dying, as she knew her mum and dad would look after her.
Today she was distressed and agitated, couldn’t open her eyes and kept crying for her mum. My husband asked her if she could see her mum and she said yes.
The hospice prescribed lorazepam and medazepam to help keep her calm, and the NH are having to give her this more and more regularly.
She has most of the end of life signs, and when she has a bad day I come home thinking that that could be the last time I see her.
And then when I visit the next day she’s sitting up in bed nattering away about nonsense and has eaten all her breakfast and a little lunch!!
I know no one can predict when she is likely to pass, but I feel like I’m in limbo and my emotions are all over the place. I feel like my life is on hold at the moment, and I’m not sure how much more I can take. And then I feel bad because this isn’t about me, it’s all about my poor mum.
Has anyone else experienced end of life like this? I just assumed she’d go downhill and that would be it. I don’t feel like I’ve prepared myself properly for the up’s and downs of this journey.
My mum was given a few weeks to live a month ago, and is in a nursing home, but also under the care of our local hospice.
In the last month we have had awful days, really awful days but also good days.
On a good day mum will eat a little sometimes (literally two spoonfuls of something) but on a good good day she has eaten nearly a whole meal. On a bad day she eats nothing.
Her fluid intake is also up and down. Some days she will only take sips of a drink and other days drink more.
She is doubly incontinent, and bed bound. She has vascular dementia and Parkinson’s disease.
On Friday she was awake when I visited and she chattered away about her personal effects. She told me she knew she didn’t have long left and is not frightened of dying, as she knew her mum and dad would look after her.
Today she was distressed and agitated, couldn’t open her eyes and kept crying for her mum. My husband asked her if she could see her mum and she said yes.
The hospice prescribed lorazepam and medazepam to help keep her calm, and the NH are having to give her this more and more regularly.
She has most of the end of life signs, and when she has a bad day I come home thinking that that could be the last time I see her.
And then when I visit the next day she’s sitting up in bed nattering away about nonsense and has eaten all her breakfast and a little lunch!!
I know no one can predict when she is likely to pass, but I feel like I’m in limbo and my emotions are all over the place. I feel like my life is on hold at the moment, and I’m not sure how much more I can take. And then I feel bad because this isn’t about me, it’s all about my poor mum.
Has anyone else experienced end of life like this? I just assumed she’d go downhill and that would be it. I don’t feel like I’ve prepared myself properly for the up’s and downs of this journey.