Strange how some things suddenly happen

[jenniferjean]

For a long time, years in fact, my husband continually asks when out "where are we going?". I tell him over and over again, but of course he continually asks. Now there's a new aspect to it. If we are out walking he follows that up with "do you know which way to go?". When on the bus yesterday he added "do you know when to get off?". Ever since the dementia started he's been completely reliant on me. Now it's like he's doubting my ability to cope. Ok, so it's something else for me to cope with and get used to, but it's strange how things suddenly start. I wonder if something triggers these things.

 

[Grannie G]

I doubt your husband is questioning your ability to cope @jenniferjean . I suspect he`s more likely to be asking for reassurance.

 

[Jean1234]

My husband was the same when we used to go out asking if I knew the way, when we had to get off the bus etc. I think it was because he didn’t know himself anymore, he was making sure that I did so he could relax. Like you say he asked the questions over and over again. Remember the people on the bus used to look at us but I eventually learnt to ignore them and just answered his questions over and over. We did lots of those bus journeys- happy days - wish we could still do them but my husband is now in a home and passed being able to go out and about.

 

[jaymor]

My husband was the same. He loved to go out so every day was a day out. Then as we progressed the questions came. ‘ where are we, why have we come here, will we be here long etc. Then it became did I know where I had parked the car and the answer yes did not satisfy him we had to go back to the car to prove I knew where it was. This would happen a dozen times and our day out became impossible because we spent the whole time getting 100 yards from the car and needing to go back to make sure I knew where it was.

Then it came to wanting to go out but wanting to return within half an hour of us starting out, then once home wanting to go out again so we spent the day getting in and out of the car going nowhere.

I can smile now at the memories but at the time I wondered how we would get through it.

 

[karaokePete]

I agree that this is seeking reassurance.

My wife will ask these questions about where we’re going or where the car is parked. She then confirms that it’s a reassurance thing because when I say yes she actually says “Good, because I haven’t got a clue.” She’s always happy when I then reassure her.

She will repeat the questions but that aspect of dementia is like water off a duck’s back to me nowadays.

 

[northumbrian_k]

This all sounds familiar. Where is the car? (at home, we are out for a walk); Is this our stop? (no, but it was 20 years ago); do you know the way? (yes, I've lived here half my life); why are we going along this street? (to get to our house). It is all about reassurance because these are the things that she can't do or judge for herself. She asks constantly about when we are taking the dog out but almost as soon as we are out with him she says that we have to get him home (too many people looking at him). There are many worse things and this need for reassurance is just one more thing that carers need to get used to. I'm starting to get so used to it that I'll be joining @karaokePete in the duck pond sometime soon!

 

[Sad Staffs]

I get that.... do you know where the car is parked? Time and time again. So far, it has only happened when we have been out in the car. I dread when these questions are asked and there is absolutely no reason for asking it, other than his dementia has moved on
I wish I had more patience and resilience, love B xx

 

[Duggies-girl]

Dad asks these questions too. He also walks behind me all the time . It doesn't matter how slow I go for him, he still manages to stay behind me. I think he feels safer if he can see me.

 

[jenniferjean]

Yes, my husband walks behind me all the time. I thought it odd and had not guessed that it's because he feels safer if he can see me. We went to a Christmas market on Saturday and it was heaving, so many people. I tried to keep hold of him but a couple of times we did get separated. It was only for a few seconds but the panic on his face when I saw him was just another reminder of how much he counts on me.