9th of December not to be missed

Boldredrosie

Registered User
Mar 13, 2012
244
0
I thought Care was excellent. Ok the ending may have been too neat and rosy and I suspect few of us on TP will have been thrust quite so abruptly into caring duties, but I think it gave a good snapshot of not being adequately supported by the organisations one might expect to be supported. The scene where Jenny ends up grabbing her mum and wheeling her out of the hospital reminded me of the disrespectful way people have spoken about my Ma in front of her.
 

myss

Registered User
Jan 14, 2018
449
0
My apologies if I am posting this in the wrong or inappropriate place on this forum but I really want to give it a mention.

This drama was written by Jimmy McGovern and someone called Gillian Juckes whose experience with the care system was the basis of this 90 minute drama. Basically, the drama involves a grandma (played by Alison Steadman) who looks after her two granddaughters while their mum/her daughter (played by Sheridan Smith) is at work/does others things but unfortunately grandma suffers a stroke whilst driving her grandkids back home and this is the entry into seeking state care and assistance.

I'm not sure if anyone saw it, if you didn't I would see if you can watch it on BBC I-Player.

I felt the drama was well-made and pretty accurate to some of my experiences I've had with my dad but also with my mum who doesn't have dementia but suffered stroke-like symptoms from an aneurysm a few years ago.
Alison Steadman in the scenes in regards to the mannerisms of the grandma while in hospital, after leaving hospital, how she tried to communicate (I loved how the drama put up a subtitle to show what she is trying to say), the wandering off, etc so touched an empathetic nerve with me in regards to experiences I've had and read on here from others, such as the lack of care funding information given to those family carers, situations where siblings/family members are not as helpful as they could be, and where Sheridan was dammed if she did & dammed if she didn't as shown when she locked the car doors while mum was in the car and when she didn't lock the car doors.

I'm not afraid to admit I held up all through the drama until Sheridan got the decision from the appeal to the NHS Continuing Care decision. Lovely.
 

myss

Registered User
Jan 14, 2018
449
0
I've just been told that my thread-starting post above was moved here! I'm just making this post so that my previous one makes sense!!

I'm pleased to see that there was an existing thread and interested to see if others liked the drama as much as me. :)
 

myss

Registered User
Jan 14, 2018
449
0
Also, I was told that CHC would not fund any nursing home of our choice, but the cheapest one available to keep costs down. So, I was surprised that the ladies in the programme managed to secure a beautiful home for their mother, one that offers painting and other such activities to residents.

......

It was probably the last thing that the lady in the programme told to the panel, who eventually awarded her the funding, that resonated most with me. My father has paid into the NHS system for 50 years and never been a burden to it before. Maybe now, he should be entitled to recoup some of that in his care...

Re. CHC - my mum qualified for CHC and we could give offer preferences for the type of home we would want for, for example I gave two options as I have a care home about 5mins walk away from me and the other option wasn't far from my dad. Neither of them were chosen but they gave us the option of another two - one which is a 10min drive away from my dad, me and another sibling, and was the one we chose. It's a nice home too, so we were lucky I guess, but I read that this drama isn't entirely fictional, it's based on the co-writer's experiences.

Re, your last paragraph - I so agree. I wouldn't be surprised if that nurses' comment about (paraphrasing) tending to younger patients than the older ones was true. It's that point about our parents paying into a system for years but hardly using it that many others should realise too.
 

MaNaAk

Registered User
Jun 19, 2016
11,748
0
Essex
I agree about the nursing home, I just hope I can find such a nice home for just £700 a week when my mum needs it, as they agreed to have Mary with her anger and aggression, they must be an EMI place - bargain!


I thought it was very cheap at £700 a week in the countryside. Dad's care home is £650 a week with a three minute walk from the seafront and lovely gardens!

MaNaAk
 

AliceA

Registered User
May 27, 2016
2,911
0
I managed to add my details. I then had an email asking that I email my MP to ask to mend the broken care system. I will do this.

I found The play itself was interesting, it did highlight the stress and conflicts of trying to care hands on, the struggle to find the right care. It touched on the issue of funding.
Jimmy McGovern squeezed a lot into and hour and a half so it was an overall picture, but worthwhile for all that.
It was an introduction to a painful subject. It was a play and not a documentary so the happy end was appropriate. Had it been depressing people would perhaps close down.
It also touched on ageism.

I think the author did well to bring the subject to the fore.

Care costs depend on the area. East Midlands was an average £1000. per week Further north it was half that.
I did not look further.
 

Theresalwaystomorrow

Registered User
Dec 23, 2017
343
0
I watched this on playback and thought it was very good, like previous comments it did cover a lot in an hour.
This play must be talk of conversation in
every Home now and with CHC assessors, social workers ect.
I genuinely think things will change now regarding CHC, it has to for the future of our children.
If pwd needs nursing care / full time supervision care then that should be CHC without a doubt, if it’s residential then means testing should come into play.
We all must keep fighting for change and it WILL happen.
 

Norrms

Registered User
Feb 19, 2009
5,631
0
Torquay Devon
https://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/...des-viewers-outraged-NHS-staff-portrayal.html
Yesterday I watched this programme, yesterday i wept both out of pity, anger and being frightened and frustrated.
It was quite obvious she had no capability of making a cup of tea yet they still persisted until the tea bag went into her mouth.
It was quite clear she needed continuing care but had to fight all the way to get it which as we know is the case seen so very often all, over the UK .
But what shone out most was the love of one daughter towards her mother and how hard she worked to give her mum the best she could, so often seen but never heard about across the world.
DOWNSIDE
The portrayal of the care assistants was appalling as it was about the NHS, (BOTH HUGE HEROES IN MY EYE`S) You could FEEL the frustration coming out of the care assistant lady when she explained how dedicated they were despite being up against terrible odds, also replicated worldwide, and to cast a NHS worker as someone as cold and uncaring as they did was unforgivable in my humble opinion, i am not saying there is not anybody like her out there but DEAR GOD and thankfully they are few and far between.
Yes it showed the struggles but not in the realistic light i thought it would, and talking about realistic i have a question for you all in the UK
As the end of the programme, it came across that she got continuing care for the FULL £700.00 a week and got the care home for mum she wanted ????
I Have NEVER KNOWN this to happen involving so much money per week anywhere without there being a Top-up
HAVE YOU ???
Norrms xxxxxxxxxxx
 

SunnyDelight

New member
Feb 9, 2018
8
0
I think it's sad that I watched this and had heard of (mostly through direct experience) every single thing they they touched on.

The Hollywood ending was unforgivable though. All it was missing was the sunset and wedding bells.
A more realistic ending would have been the stroke/dementia victim being taken kicking and screaming against her will to the cheapest council funded care home (possibly even down in the last available bed in the basement), to receive sub-standard care.
With the follow up being that the daughter had to take on a 2nd job to try and pay 3rd party top up fees to move her mum into a more suitable setting - subsequently neglecting her children in the process - whereby they get taken into care whilst a custody case between her and an unsuitable father begins.

Perhaps I should be a writer? This McGovern bloke is too Hollywood for gritty poverty stricken Britain.
 
Last edited:

canary

Registered User
Feb 25, 2014
25,018
0
South coast
The Hollywood ending was unforgivable though
I agree
A more realistic ending would be that the lovely home found that they couldnt cope with her wandering and aggression and that daughter was asked to remove her, just at the same time as the review panel said that they had looked into the the case for CHC and decided that she still wasnt eligible.

If they wanted a "happy ending " they could then have had Mary transferred to a dedicated dementia unit, which was secure so that she couldnt just walk out, was basic and a bit scruffy in terms of the decor, didnt have many facilities, but had staff who knew how to deal with dementia and there was still fun and laughter.

My mum was in one, so I know they exist - even on LA funding.
 

AliceA

Registered User
May 27, 2016
2,911
0
Do any have experienced of finding a £700 per week home? Just curious as most around in the Midlands here are far more, not posh either.
 

MaNaAk

Registered User
Jun 19, 2016
11,748
0
Essex
https://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/...des-viewers-outraged-NHS-staff-portrayal.html
Yesterday I watched this programme, yesterday i wept both out of pity, anger and being frightened and frustrated.
It was quite obvious she had no capability of making a cup of tea yet they still persisted until the tea bag went into her mouth.
It was quite clear she needed continuing care but had to fight all the way to get it which as we know is the case seen so very often all, over the UK .
But what shone out most was the love of one daughter towards her mother and how hard she worked to give her mum the best she could, so often seen but never heard about across the world.
DOWNSIDE
The portrayal of the care assistants was appalling as it was about the NHS, (BOTH HUGE HEROES IN MY EYE`S) You could FEEL the frustration coming out of the care assistant lady when she explained how dedicated they were despite being up against terrible odds, also replicated worldwide, and to cast a NHS worker as someone as cold and uncaring as they did was unforgivable in my humble opinion, i am not saying there is not anybody like her out there but DEAR GOD and thankfully they are few and far between.
Yes it showed the struggles but not in the realistic light i thought it would, and talking about realistic i have a question for you all in the UK
As the end of the programme, it came across that she got continuing care for the FULL £700.00 a week and got the care home for mum she wanted ????
I Have NEVER KNOWN this to happen involving so much money per week anywhere without there being a Top-up
HAVE YOU ???
Norrms xxxxxxxxxxx

Yes! I have to agree here! When I first had carers coming in to look after dad I was amazed at their patience and I had one company coming in to see dad right up until his Alzheimers became severe. Even now in the care home I am still amazed at their patience and the other day I asked the manageress how dad had been sleeping and she said that he has been okay but there have been times when he has woken up a few times in the night. Sometimes they have put dad back to bed only for him to get up again or one of his friends has woken up.

I haven't heard about continuing health care for £700 either but we were told that our local authority would cover the first £500 once dads savings get below £23500. If we had help like that I would be very happy.

MaNaAk
 

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