OH in hospital

[Amy in the US]

It doesn't sound awful, it sounds reasonable and practical.

I was going to advise that you refuse a discharge until you are satisfied he has received the assessment and treatment he needs, and also until support and appropriate care are in place.

I hope you can both get the help and support you need. Best wishes.

 

[jugglingmum]

I know it sounds awful

It doesn't sound awful, you have done your best to care for him, but you can only do so much

I haven't felt so relaxed for ages

This just shows how much strain you have been under.

Many partners have written on TP how when their OH went into care it meant they stopped being a carer and became more of a wife/husband.

Dementia has already stolen your husband's life, it doesn't mean you have to sacrifice yours as well.

 

[dancer12]

I know it sounds awful but I don't want him back unless they can sort him out, I've had a couple of days to myself now catching up with all the jobs, I haven't felt so relaxed for ages and I'm just getting ready to walk round to my daughters for a coffee and chat. Lx

Hi Rosebush:

It's amazing how much a little me time helps. Like I mentioned before I go to bed angry and get up angrier. When I go to store by myself and I turn the corner on our street I just feel so free, like a big weight has been lifted off my shoulders. I don't have to look around to see where he is. It's like constantly being on duty with no break. Many hugs.

 

[canary]

Another one here who doesnt think it is awful. Safety is of paramount importance.

Perhaps now is the time for a care home - which will not mean that you will have abandoned him as the caring will still continue, but in a different way.

 

[Beads]

Not posted for a while, just when I thought things were getting better on Thursday evening OH became aggressive again, which resulted in me phoning the police again as he said he was going to kill me! they also called an ambulance and they decided he needed to go back to hospital. I am waiting for them to transfer him to our local hospital where social services will assess him. I will try to phone the hospital but nobody ever picks up the phone.Lx

Hi @Rosebush sorry to read OH back in hospital but you did the right thing phoning the police you need to think about your own safety in such a situation. Has he been transferred yet to your local hospital. Axx

 

[Rosebush]

Thank you for all your replies, I'm starting to feel really guilty now, keep wondering what he's doing, I phoned the hospital and they are still waiting for a bed to come available. On the plus side I have managed to get some cleaning done also sorted some paperwork out, it's been sat in a drawer for weeks. Perhaps I will get some news tomorrow. Lxx

 

[Wishful]

Please don't feel guilty. As carers we can only do what we think is best at the time. I think we can all agree that dementia is a terrible illness and places untold burdens on the carer. Sending hugs.

 

[AliceA]

Please do not add guilt to your burden, it is such a waste of energy that you need for better things.,
Give yourself a respite until all is sorted out. Xxx

 

[Beads]

Thank you for all your replies, I'm starting to feel really guilty now, keep wondering what he's doing, I phoned the hospital and they are still waiting for a bed to come available. On the plus side I have managed to get some cleaning done also sorted some paperwork out, it's been sat in a drawer for weeks. Perhaps I will get some news tomorrow. Lxx

Hi @Rosebush you have nothing to feel guilty about. You have looked after your OH as best you could & you cant be In a situation where you feel at risk. Let the professionals now look after him for awhile & you enjoy the respite. Thinking of you sending lots of (((hugs ))) your way. Keep in touch . Axxx

 

[Rosebush]

Thanks again for all your replies, I managed to get through to the hospital eventually and he is being moved to our local hospital today. Hopefully I will be able to visit tomorrow and see what's going on.

 

[AliceA]

I hope all goes as well as possible. X

 

[dancer12]

Thank you for all your replies, I'm starting to feel really guilty now, keep wondering what he's doing, I phoned the hospital and they are still waiting for a bed to come available. On the plus side I have managed to get some cleaning done also sorted some paperwork out, it's been sat in a drawer for weeks. Perhaps I will get some news tomorrow. Lxx

Hi Rosebush:

Don't feel guilty, he is exactly where he should be, they will run tests and adjust his meds if they have to. That is what they were trained to do & that is what they will do. All you have to do is relax, do what needs to be done around the house so you will be refreshed for when he comes back from hospital. Don't feel guilty, feel relieved that he is getting the help that he needs. It will benefit both of you. Take care of yourself, for yourself & for him.

 

[Rosebush]

At last, OH is now in our local hospital, they phoned to say he is fine and was having a cup of tea and cake. The nurse did ask if I wanted to speak to him but I said no as he wouldn't know who it was and she agreed. I will visit tomorrow after my doctors appointment. Lxx

 

[Shedrech]

what a relief for you @Rosebush
I hope you get a good rest tonight and that all is well when you visit

 

[Beads]

At last, OH is now in our local hospital, they phoned to say he is fine and was having a cup of tea and cake. The nurse did ask if I wanted to speak to him but I said no as he wouldn't know who it was and she agreed. I will visit tomorrow after my doctors appointment. Lxx

Glad to here he has been moved @Rosebush. Axx

 

[Rosebush]

Just had a phone call from the hospital to say OH has walked out of the hospital and the police are looking for him. He could be anywhere.

 

[jugglingmum]

So sorry to hear that, I'm sure they'll find him soon.

I think the police often understand dementia better than hospitals, they are called out so frequently to missing PWD.

 

[Sarasa]

Oh @Rosebush I hope they find him soon and put put better safeguards in place when they do.

 

[Philbo]

Just had a phone call from the hospital to say OH has walked out of the hospital and the police are looking for him. He could be anywhere.

Good grief - as if you haven't got enough to worry about! Hopefully, the police will find him quickly.

Some years ago, my MIL was admitted with a bad UTI, which sent her delusional. A very big lady with severe back problems, she normally had a job to get about. But the UTI turned her into a rugby scrum forward, even barging the security chaps out of her way. She kept saying she was leaving the hospital and they advised us that legally, they couldn't stop her! It was late at night on a freezing cold February but thankfully, they managed to calm her down.

I hope it turns out okay for you.

Phil

 

[Sad Staffs]

You know where I am @Rosebush ..... sending much love and worrying about you, love B xx

You made me laugh @Philbo at your account of your MIL. Thank you Phil, don’t get many of those these days xx