Care home abuse??

[Wombles]

Hi, this is my first post. My grandmother has been diagnosed with vascular dementia and has been in hospital since August following a fall.
She is unable to return home so has been in a care home since September time.
She makes very little sense now and will go in to great detail about stories that are entirely false for example that my grandad has run off with another woman, she has no recollection of his death 3 years ago.
Recently she has been getting very upset saying that the care workers are nasty to her, that they tell her to wait an hour for the toilet, she says they mock her and chant behind her. She has a cut on her arm where a care worker caught her thin skin with their nail and tore the skin, it has been bandaged for a few days.

My question is how do I know what is real and what isnt? I feel totally helpless, she.cries everytime I go because of this 'nastiness' by the carers. It could very easily not be.true as she is in her own world a lot of the.time but I cant help wondering what if it is true?

Any advice would be very much appreciated. Thank you

 

[karaokePete]

Hello @Wombles, you are welcome here.

That's a situation that must be distressing for all concerned. My gut instinct is to raise your concerns with the management at the Home.

Having said that I don't have experience of such a situation but can reassure you that the membership has vast collective experience and knowledge so I'm sure someone who has dealt with a similar situation will be along to advise you.

 

[marionq]

You always have to look into any claim of abuse but at the same time being aware of the paranoia and delusion that often go with dementia. My husband knows that I do everything for him and has always trusted me totally but occasionally he too will flinch as if I’m going to hurt him. I think that’s because pretty much everything hurts him nowadays, everything is cold, everything is a bother so I’m just another nuisance to him at times.

 

[Wombles]

Thank you for your replies. I am happy to chat to the manager about it but they will deny it and then what? I have no proof. It feels like an impossible situation to resolve. A feeling I am getting more familiar with along this journey, sadly

 

[marionq]

The very fact that you speak to the manager is important as it lets them know you are concerned but not accusing anyone. You Might just say to your grandmother too that it is being sorted out and things will get better. Has she got some kind of soft toy as a comforter. Perhaps she’s at that stage of feeling lost.

 

[Wombles]

Yes, you are right. I will give them a call tomorrow. I was with her this evening and said I will look in to it for her. She thinks she is staying in someones house and its the owner of the house who is being nasty.
I hadnt thought of a cuddly toy? Might be.something to try. Thank you

 

[canary]

I think delusions like this are quite common. When mum first went into her care home she was quite paranoid. She had been accusing me of all sorts to her neighbours (which I assure you never happened) and after she moved to the care home mum started accusing the carers of hitting her and saying horrible things to her. On one occasion she pointed to a bruise on her arm and said that was where one of the carers had pinched her, only I knew that the bruise was where she had had a blood test, but she couldnt remember that

 

[Shedrech]

hi @Wombles
welcome from me too
don't assume the manager will merely dismiss what you have to say or deny it out of hand - any good manager will listen to you and look into any issue you raise, they are there to look out for the residents and their staff and won't want such a concern hanging in the air - any manager who has been in the role and working in care homes for any time will have heard such comments from residents and family members and there should be systems in place for them to deal sensitively and sensibly

maybe go in saying you want to chat over what your grandmother is saying rather than sounding as though you are making any accusations

PS cross posted with posts above

 

[MothersCarer]

I think everyone is right that you need to raise this but it does seem to be part of the effort to make sense of what must be a very Munchian world for our PWDs. When at home Mum accused the carer of stealing her locket; she even described watching the carer "running down the drive, holding the locket and laughing". She had no sense that this could affect the carer's employment she just needed an answer to not having her locket. She just accepted it when it was found - nothing at all about her previous accusation. She is now in a home and she does not say people are being cruel - although she insinuates I have ulterior motives for "wanting" her in the home but says she doesn't see anyone from one meal to the next. I know this is not true as I see them coming as soon as she bangs her cup on the table It doesn't get any easier does it.