dementia harder to deal with than cancer?

[Duggies-girl]

Dads can be quite amazing, I have to laugh sometimes. Actually my dad is probably one of the easiest of dads with dementia. He is 88 and still very nice, he is usually very compliant and never does anything worrying like wander (at the moment) but he has no memory to talk of unless we go back many years. I do his breakfast and dinner everyday and each time it is a surprise and he seems to think he hasn't seen me for a while. I do his meals or he would live on chocolate biscuits. Dad decided to stop driving of his own accord (no he did not, I had to hide his car for a week) He has forgotten that he has dementia (very common) He also has terminal cancer and he has forgotten that too which is difficult as I have to be careful what he eats.

It works well at the moment but I have no life to speak of and and I am frazzled all the time. I find the dementia harder to deal with than the cancer.

 

[Blodski]

Dads can be quite amazing, I have to laugh sometimes. Actually my dad is probably one of the easiest of dads with dementia. He is 88 and still very nice, he is usually very compliant and never does anything worrying like wander (at the moment) but he has no memory to talk of unless we go back many years. I do his breakfast and dinner everyday and each time it is a surprise and he seems to think he hasn't seen me for a while. I do his meals or he would live on chocolate biscuits. Dad decided to stop driving of his own accord (no he did not, I had to hide his car for a week) He has forgotten that he has dementia (very common) He also has terminal cancer and he has forgotten that too which is difficult as I have to be careful what he eats.

It works well at the moment but I have no life to speak of and and I am frazzled all the time. I find the dementia harder to deal with than the cancer.

Hello

Two things in your post really stood out for me. The word "frazzled" is such an apt description, and how I feel much of the time, despite my mother being in residential care. Dementia has a horrible habit of creating ripples throughout your whole life, and I have to really work hard on a conscious level not to 'let' it completely wreck my life.

I find your comment about cancer interesting too, and one that I can so relate to. My father has battled cancer for 20 years - sadly died now - and I thought that was hard enough. However, my mother's diagnosis of Dementia is on another level. Whilst I accepted my father's cancer, I really struggle to accept that my mother has this awful, awful thing called Dementia. I wonder what it is about Dementia that is just so horrendous. I suspect it's different for everybody, but I'd be interested in hearing your thoughts.

 

[Duggies-girl]

Hello

Two things in your post really stood out for me. The word "frazzled" is such an apt description, and how I feel much of the time, despite my mother being in residential care. Dementia has a horrible habit of creating ripples throughout your whole life, and I have to really work hard on a conscious level not to 'let' it completely wreck my life.

I find your comment about cancer interesting too, and one that I can so relate to. My father has battled cancer for 20 years - sadly died now - and I thought that was hard enough. However, my mother's diagnosis of Dementia is on another level. Whilst I accepted my father's cancer, I really struggle to accept that my mother has this awful, awful thing called Dementia. I wonder what it is about Dementia that is just so horrendous. I suspect it's different for everybody, but I'd be interested in hearing your thoughts.

Oh @Blodski frazzled yes, not knowing what is going to change today, even just little things can hit me like a truck (or it feels that way)

I am trying to keep dad in his own home because he is terminal and I know that is what he wants and he is happy there but believe me, if he wasn't ill he would be in a care home by now but I know this will end at some point so I will carry on but I know it is not doing me any good.

Yes I have also accepted the cancer, I know what it is and what it does and what the outcome will be. Dad has advanced oesophageal cancer, diagnosed last April. He has had no treatment other than stents and has fared better than many younger people who have every treatment possible. His oncologist said that he is the perfect advert for non aggressive treatment for the elderly and she is right about that as he is looking good and has regained his lost weight. I truly fear that he may last for years at this rate and that is another thing to cope with. Relief that he is doing well combined with guilt because I want it over with.

As for the dementia that is whole different ball game. Dad is as happy as Larry and forgets about the cancer and the stents immediately after any appointment. I hate the dementia far more than the cancer. The dementia just acts as an obstacle in the way of any kind of normality. I like your choice of words 'creating ripples throughout your whole life' It does it effects everything and it is always there no matter what you do you can't quite get away from it even when you are away from the person. It consumes the carer as much as the person who has dementia. It's a nasty, vindictive illness and I know dad would hate it but he doesn't know so hey ho.

I hope that your life becomes a bit more easier now that your mum is in a care home and that you can relax. Swim away from those ripples if you can.

 

[Blodski]

Oh @Blodski frazzled yes, not knowing what is going to change today, even just little things can hit me like a truck (or it feels that way)

I am trying to keep dad in his own home because he is terminal and I know that is what he wants and he is happy there but believe me, if he wasn't ill he would be in a care home by now but I know this will end at some point so I will carry on but I know it is not doing me any good.

Yes I have also accepted the cancer, I know what it is and what it does and what the outcome will be. Dad has advanced oesophageal cancer, diagnosed last April. He has had no treatment other than stents and has fared better than many younger people who have every treatment possible. His oncologist said that he is the perfect advert for non aggressive treatment for the elderly and she is right about that as he is looking good and has regained his lost weight. I truly fear that he may last for years at this rate and that is another thing to cope with. Relief that he is doing well combined with guilt because I want it over with.

As for the dementia that is whole different ball game. Dad is as happy as Larry and forgets about the cancer and the stents immediately after any appointment. I hate the dementia far more than the cancer. The dementia just acts as an obstacle in the way of any kind of normality. I like your choice of words 'creating ripples throughout your whole life' It does it effects everything and it is always there no matter what you do you can't quite get away from it even when you are away from the person. It consumes the carer as much as the person who has dementia. It's a nasty, vindictive illness and I know dad would hate it but he doesn't know so hey ho.

I hope that your life becomes a bit more easier now that your mum is in a care home and that you can relax. Swim away from those ripples if you can.

Slowly learning to swim through the ripples with the help of virtual armbands, a float, flippers, and goggles. Why don't you get yourself some?

 

[Duggies-girl]

Slowly learning to swim through the ripples with the help of virtual armbands, a float, flippers, and goggles. Why don't you get yourself some?

I have a complete kit of scuba gear, sadly unused for a while but sometime in the future I will dig it out and immerse myself in some warm location and swim with the fishes again.