After 10 days in hospital with a chest infection dad came home.I couldn’t manage him as he’s a big man and he was very unsteady on his feet.I was up all night with him as his rem sleep was terrible,worse than usual for his Lewy Body Dementia.I arranged for him to go to his respite care home but over night he got worse again and they called the ambulance.He was completely out of it.They thought he’d had a stroke but the scan was clear so they treated for another chest infection. He improved and so yesterday they moved him to a ward.I was surprised , as they put him in the acute stroke ward. His treatment on the ward he was in for 10 days was not geared up for dementia at all.The stroke ward couldn’t have been so different. As soon as we got there I was given a This is me form to fill in. I stayed to feed him as the other ward just plonked food in front of him and wondered why he didn’t eat.This ward they help him.Ive been staying in the hospital for hours just to feed him so I’m hoping I maybe catch up with some rest. Do you think this will be classed as a failed discharge? I thought I was strong .I wasn’t going to have him home without a care plan .That went out the window as they needed the bed urgently.This time I won’t be so silly .We live and learn. Thanks for reading and if you can think of any advice for me TP,I would be very grateful.
2nd time lucky we hope
- Thread starter Juliematch
- Start date
Hello @Juliematch
It sounds as if your dad isn`t well enough to go anywhere for now and when he is fit to be discharged will probably need more care than you will be able to provide at home.
I hope the home he was in for respite care will be able to accommodate him when the time comes so you can find more permanent care for him.
It sounds as if your dad isn`t well enough to go anywhere for now and when he is fit to be discharged will probably need more care than you will be able to provide at home.
I hope the home he was in for respite care will be able to accommodate him when the time comes so you can find more permanent care for him.
Hi @Juliematch
I had the same situation with my dad in summer. He was discharged home and returned to hospital within 2 days where they immediately tried to send him home again. I refused to let this happen and took his keys out of the key safe so they couldn’t sneak him home.
The hospital then put him in a section 2 as he was “medically fit” and the hospital social worker was involved. She found him a place in a local carehome, an assessment bed for 4 weeks so they could decide if he could cope at home with carers. He’s now permanently in the carehome.
I had the same situation with my dad in summer. He was discharged home and returned to hospital within 2 days where they immediately tried to send him home again. I refused to let this happen and took his keys out of the key safe so they couldn’t sneak him home.
The hospital then put him in a section 2 as he was “medically fit” and the hospital social worker was involved. She found him a place in a local carehome, an assessment bed for 4 weeks so they could decide if he could cope at home with carers. He’s now permanently in the carehome.
Thank you both. It was mentioned that he may have had brain stem seizure .This hasn’t been confirmed yet . Just got in touch with the hospital dementia nurse and she thinks the other ward treated his chest infection and because he was clear said he could go. He won’t be out so quick this time.I will just refuse to have him back home with me. I just can’t cope anymore.Hes live with us for 12 years ,the last 3 with dementia,it’s time for someone else to take over.
Yes, this is a failed discharge.
Im glad he is now on a ward that has a better understanding of dementia. There is a lot of emotional pressure to take someone back home, but I do hope that doesnt happen this time. It does sound like he needs a care home now.
Im glad he is now on a ward that has a better understanding of dementia. There is a lot of emotional pressure to take someone back home, but I do hope that doesnt happen this time. It does sound like he needs a care home now.
Visited dad today.Lots of confusion and lots of fantastic stories. For some reason he’s swearing quite a bit as well. He’s not attempting to walk or even stand ,without telling him 20times. It’s going to be long road to recovery and I am going to do it as a daughter instead of carer.Its beyond me now .
You could’ve been describing my dad at the point I realised he needed professional care. I think you’ve made the right decision. Stick to your guns and good luck!
Could someone tell me what a failed discharge is and why I should be aware of it, please?
I thought we had a tough time with mum being moved so many times but I can see from you story Julie, it could have been worse. I did get the impression that though the staff are caring and want to treat the specific issue dementia is not really understood. There were exceptions among the staff but I would say - rather like any mental illness - it is pretty disregarded but in a nice way
I thought we had a tough time with mum being moved so many times but I can see from you story Julie, it could have been worse. I did get the impression that though the staff are caring and want to treat the specific issue dementia is not really understood. There were exceptions among the staff but I would say - rather like any mental illness - it is pretty disregarded but in a nice way
A failed discharge is when someone is readmitted within 24 hours of being discharged from hospital. Its important because the hospital gets fined every time it happens, so it gives you a useful bargaining chip to make sure that a care package is put into place before discharge
While I was visiting dad today a physio came to tell me that dad can now walk with a stick.She then went on to say he can come home with a 3 visit a day care plan. Oh no he isn’t.I used the failed discharge card (Thanks to TP)and said I’m not happy for that to happen.What good is 1/2 hour 3 times a day.He took over an hour to eat 1/2 a sandwich.What about night time when he’s having his hallucinations .She said she will contact the dementia nurse and will get back to me. I have made the decision that a care home is the only way forward. I suppose that means social workers and trying to find a home that would have him.He goes to a lovely one for respite but it is expensive and he hasn’t enough for long. I will call them tomorrow but I’m sure they will want “top up “ and we don’t have that sort of money.When will this all end. It’s time like this that I wish I wasn’t teetotal.
Ahhhhhhh.Hospital Just rang.8.30 at night to say they are moving dad to orthopaedic s now ,as they need his bed.Its alright the nurse said we will push him round on his bed.I should b****y hope so.This is the 4 th ward in 2 weeks.Hes going to be so confused and I bet they are not geared up for dementia.I wasn’t going in tomorrow.I need a day off so my sisters going in. I’m furious but what can you do?
Hospitals really arnt good places for people with dementia. I do hope you can get a care home sorted out soon
Hi Julie
I hope your dad gets better, have they made sure he is well hydrated and that a high urea is not making your dad feel more confused or unsteady ?
It sounds like they discharged your dad without proper planning and in an unsafe way , I hope they manage his discharge better this time and support you and him when he is discharged
I'm sending you both good wishes
Complain to PALS they ward will jump then ..
I hope your dad gets better, have they made sure he is well hydrated and that a high urea is not making your dad feel more confused or unsteady ?
It sounds like they discharged your dad without proper planning and in an unsafe way , I hope they manage his discharge better this time and support you and him when he is discharged
I'm sending you both good wishes
Complain to PALS they ward will jump then ..
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I had my ‘day off’ from visiting dad in the hospital yesterday. Spent it beating myself up by going from yes I can manage him at home and no I need my life back. Spoke to the dementia nurse( who apologised for Dads move at 8.30 at night) and we have a meeting today to decide the next step. She mentioned a best interest meeting at some stage. I feel like I’m abandoning him to the care system but I really don’t want the responsibility anymore.Nobody in the family is against my decision,in fact they don’t know how I’ve done it for so long.So why am I so hard on myself?
Because the guilt monster whispers in our ear:
We should be able to do this - after all others are doing it
If we cant do it we must be weak/lazy/incompetent - in other word, its our fault
We had promised (even if not in words) that they would never go into a home and we dont like breaking promises
Our PWD doent want to do it and we feel that we are betraying their trust (especially as we cant explain why)
We are having to get them to do something that we would not want for ourselves
The very word "caring" makes it seem that once someone else is caring, then we no longer care for them ie love them
Knock that guilt monster off your shoulder - its telling you lies.
This I where I was in summer. But I knew deep down that I couldn’t go on and dad would be looked after better in a carehome. It took me weeks to feel that I’d done the right thing. I’m now certain that I did. Dad is settled and well looked after - which is better than he would have been if I’d tried to struggle on.
Thanks canary .Youve said all the things I’m feeling. I will try to get rid of the guilt monster but Im sure it’s going to take time.We’ve had a meeting with the dementia nurse and she asked dad where he wanted to go for a few weeks respite.He said he would go to the care home he usually goes to. This is good as I know he likes it there and the staff have got to know him well.Weve got to pay as the home is not an intermediate home. Unfortunately he hasn’t got enough money to stay there permanently so I will do some ringing around and see what else is on offer. Bunpoots I so glad you are now sure you’ve made the right decision and that your dad is settled. I’m sure I will feel better when all this is sorted but for now I must just accept it’s ok to feel guilty but not let it affect me. I shall re read canary’s post when I’m struggling and bunpoots post to reassure that dad will be ok.
All the best @Juliematch. The stress is still freshly in my mind so I know just what you’re going through! It will get better when you find the right place
We brought dad out of hospital today and I’ve just settled him in at his respite care home. He’s deteriorated quite a lot over the 3 weeks and he’s now on an anti epileptic drug which is making him very sleepy. He’s using a frame to walk and he’s really looking frail. I feel relieved that he not at home and the responsibility is someone else’s. No guilt ,which I was surprised with .Next step find a carehome that will have him permanently.
