Yesterday started fine OH was in a good mood, that lasted until we went for a walk with the dog after lunch, when we got back to the house he decided he wasn't going to go in as he thought it was somebody else's house so off we went again ending up at eldest sons house, after a while we persuaded him to go home, it was getting dark and I said the dog needed his dinner, so managed to get him inside and lock the door, dog had his dinner and I made us a hot drink and said I would start our dinner, anyway to cut a long story short it ended with him shouting and screaming and shaking me then kicking the door trying to get out, I tried phoning the children but got no answer as a last resort I phoned the police, they sent for an ambulance and we went off to A & E, they've kept him in over night and I've got to phone later to see what is happening, the trouble is now I feel guilty because I know he'll be upset and wonder where I am. Lxx
OH in hospital
- Thread starter Rosebush
- Start date
Please dont feel guilty - you did the right thing. No-one can live with violence and it must be dreadful for the person with dementia to get into such a state. Hopefully he will now get the help he needs - quite possibly the doctors will start him on some medication to help calm him down.
This must have been terrible for both of you. However, you should try not to feel guilty as you do not need to accept violence.
I do hope that your OH gets all the help he needs. In the meantime I enclose below a link to a relevant Society Factsheet. If you want to read it, just click the PDF line.
Aggressive behaviour (509)
PDF printable version
I do hope that your OH gets all the help he needs. In the meantime I enclose below a link to a relevant Society Factsheet. If you want to read it, just click the PDF line.
Aggressive behaviour (509)
PDF printable version
Hi @Rosebush I hope you are ok. You should not feel guilty at all you need to think about yourself . You did the right thing phoning the police.Look after yourself & keep posting so we know how things are. Axxx.
Thank you all for your replies, I don't know what I 'd do without you. I have to phone hospital between 3 and 4 to see what happens next, I've got an awful feeling he won't be coming home, I know he's a pain but if they could give him something to calm him down I will be able to cope. I phoned this morning and the nurse said they had to call the security guards twice last night to calm him down.I will let you know more later. Lxx
Hello Rosebush, I'm new to talking point but had to write because I am in a very similar position to you . My OH used to be in Sales and travelled widely in his job. He misses this desperately and does not like being in the house. I have had the same experience as you but managed to get hold of my son to come over and, him being a policeman managed to calm the situation down This whole thing went on between 1.00 am and 7.00 am. I rang the memory clinic later in the day to ask advice. They sent one of the senior nurses to see us and he gave my OH a prescription for mirtazapine. He has calmed down since. However, the nurse advised me to contact our social worker to ask about care homes etc as this will only get worse. I haven't done this yet because I'm hoping the medication will work. I cried and cried at the thought of being without him. It's an impossible decision to make after 51 years of being with someone. I'll be so interested in the outcome of your situation and hope it ends well for both of you.
Hello, IW3, I thought OH might be coming home today, but the hospital has just phoned asking me to go in tomorrow which is a problem as I don't drive, so I will have to get 2 buses as it is about 15 miles away, I am hoping they will let him come home tomorrow I have said I am willing to have him home as long he is on some medication that will calm him down, so fingers crossed. We have been married nearly 49 years, even the dog seems depressed because he's not here. Please keep in touch and thank you for your reply. Lxx
I forgot to mention my daughter spent all day yesterday in A & E with my grandson, he had an accident while playing rugby, he almost severed his little finger so might end up having a operation when he goes for a check up on Thursday. Over the last few months he's had a dislocated shoulder, fractured ankle, a broken finger and broken nose, but still insists on playing rugby! oh I forgot a twisted testicle that he had to have an emergency operation for, but she still found time pick me up from hospital at 11pm last night. Not a good day!. Lxx
L, I just found your first post, I hadn’t realised your husband was taken to A & E, and it sounds like he is being kept in another night.
And your grandsons accident....
You must be beside yourself with so much going on, so much unknown, so much worry.
If you ever need to chat to me, let me know and I will send you my details privately.
Please take care of yourself, thinking about you, and worrying about you.
With love, B xx
Dear B, thank you so much, I can't believe with all your problems you've got time to reply to me. I' m sitting here at the moment trying to watch Criminal Minds one of our favourite programs, although now OH struggles to follow anything with a plot. Not looking forward to going to bed as last night the dog spent all night jumping on and off the bed also he whined most of the time hopefully he will settle tonight. When is your operation? and who will look after you afterwards? Thank you it would be lovely to chat. Love Lxxx
Hi L, I think you have more than your fair share of problems....
I haven’t watched criminal minds.... what you said about your husband struggling to follow the plot. My husband stopped reading books... for that reason, although he wouldn’t admit it. He would start a book, then I think he struggled remembering characters, so gave up. Happened a number of times. When questioned he says he can’t be bothered.
It sounds like your dog is missing your husband? Or perhaps picking up on your stress?
My operation is a week tomorrow. My brother in law is taking me. I was going to use a taxi, but my husband has been very stressed that he couldn’t do it, so asked his brother. My two cousins are bringing me home. I am likely to be on ctutches. We stupidly had the downstairs loo removed 30 years ago for a larger kitchen, because we were never going to get old were we!!!
I will take my husband to the home and get him settled, hopefully, on a Monday afternoon. I have no idea how I will cope in the house on my own for two weeks, not see him.... i think there will be more crying myself to sleep, but because I miss him, rather than he has upset me.
I will send you an email with my mobile. If you drop me a text then perhaps we could keep in touch.
I hope you manage to have a better night, with love, B xx
Hi B I must admit I don't like being on my own, I have never spent a night on my own so last night was a first, thank goodness for the dog at least when he's on the bed it's not so lonely, I feel sorry for him really as I can't take him for a walk as he is too big and strong even though he is 10, so for now he will have to make do with the garden. Yes I will text if you send an email thank you. Love Lxxx
Hi L, I will email in a tick!
I hope you had a better night?
It’s too cold and you have too much going on to worry about taking your dog for a walk. It’s so cold I’m sure he will be quite content with a quick visit to the garden to relieve himself, then lying stretched out in front of the fire soaking up the heat. And, he’s 10, no spring chicken! Probably like us with a bit of arthritis! I was going to add that you should do the same, curling up in front of the fire, not relieving yourself in the garden!!!!
I really look forward to speaking soon. I hope you have better news about your husband and grandson?
Love, and thinking of you, B xx
Hi Rosebush hope you ok . How is OH do you have any idea when he is coming out of hospital. Sorry to hear about your grandson but that's part & parcel of Rugby it's such a rough game hope he is ok. You take care of yourself. Speak soon thinking of you big (((hugs)).xx
Boys will be boys - my son now 13 but then 12 - fell 15 ft out of a tree - very luckily no injuries, and more than one member of staff in A & E commented that his last A & E visit was for a fall out of a tree (he'd dispute that - he jumped) for an xray.
Sorry to hear about your husband, but it wasn't safe for you, and easier to sort things out this way. Many have posted over the years how having their OH admitted to hospital and medication tweaked has helped and was the right thing.
I don't like it when my husband is away, and the dog sleeps in his place on the bed. Trouble is at 15 and a half and with arthritis, she struggles to jump on the bed at times now, so when I go to bed I have to lift her up and put her on the bed.
