Bah, humbug!

[Alex54]

Christmas is nearly here again but is it just me but I find the whole thing pointless and would prefer to keep things as normal as possible.
I feel a bit like Scrooge from "A Christmas Carol". All the extra pain and effort when just getting through each day is hard enough.
I just wonder what other people experience is - did you find it worth while or "why did I even bother".

 

[Grahamstown]

I have decided that we are staying at home together for Christmas Day and have ordered the food for us. We have had many, many years of family Christmas’s, both with us and at the children’s, and the time has come to celebrate quietly at home. I wouldn’t even consider going to a hotel or have Christmas dinner out now. To the extent that my husband can understand and remember what we have decided, he agrees. We shall have visits from the family but I think a full on Christmas with the family would be too much because he gets so tired all the time, can’t follow conversations, and it would be a strain on me too. I can only manage if he sticks to his set routine. As it is, he is ‘sundowning’ every evening now that the darker days have come. Our friends got a sight of this last weekend which gave them a shock and he was trying his best. So yes, I am going to try and keep life as normal and simple as possible because otherwise I fear a bad panic or anxiety attack.

Last year we went to my daughters and stayed in a B&B nearby where we have stayed before, very nice. He wasn’t diagnosed then but we had a very difficult time with him for all the reasons affecting a PWD as above, which were all there then. He is much worse now.

 

[kindred]

Christmas is nearly here again but is it just me but I find the whole thing pointless and would prefer to keep things as normal as possible.
I feel a bit like Scrooge from "A Christmas Carol". All the extra pain and effort when just getting through each day is hard enough.
I just wonder what other people experience is - did you find it worth while or "why did I even bother".

I have literally given it up except for close family. I do not have the energy to pick up a pen, I just do not. It is quite pleasant to sort of watch it all unfold around me and feel no compulsion to do anything! warmest, Kindred.

 

[Fullticket]

We gave up the last two Christmas's mum was with us. She wanted to stay in bed and got a bit antsy when asked to get up. So we left her to it. There was no guilt about her 'missing' the day because she didn't know what day it was. She didn't get any enjoyment out of giving and receiving presents and, anyway, would have forgotten about it immediately.
So we had to stay at home because she was in bed and could not be left alone, but we did have a good day.

 

[AliceA]

I have warned people, we will be doing very little. Just holding what we have is enough. I have a few bits for the younger children. A few treats in the freezer, a few sweet treats hidden away.
It sounds selfish but is just self protecting so I can protect the man who matters most. Xxx

 

[Beate]

If you don't like Christmas, you won't start now, and there is no reason why you should. Everything is ten times more difficult at Christmas time - the Day Centres shut, carers fall ill, and you might be expected to be jolly in a large family group when all you want is sleep. Plus your loved one likely has no idea it even is Christmas.

I think you can enjoy it though if you celebrate it quietly and in your own home and try to limit expectations. I've always loved Christmas but never in big groups, so what we usually did was decorate the flat, buy in some nice food and a few presents, and spent a few quiet days in front of the telly. We used to go home to Germany to see my family, but some years ago stopped doing it as it proved too stressful. It turned out my Mum was actually relieved not to have to play hostess, as she is getting on in years too.

This time, like last year, I'll be on my own, but it will be cosy, although I will miss John, and yes, the decorations are already up though I'm not finished yet!

 

[jenniferjean]

We've only recently moved to be nearer to my daughter because of my husband's alzheimers. We were previously many miles away from her so for a few years we either had Christmas in a hotel local to us or we had a quiet Christmas at home, just the two of us. This year, now that we are nearer to her, my daughter has asked us to go to them for Christmas day. I have no idea how he is going to be and just hope he doesn't upset anyone. My daughter has twin boys just about to turn four years old so I am looking forward to it, just the worry of how he will cope.

 

[Janie M]

Well, since OH was diagnosed with Alzheimer’s, it’s funny what family you DONT see. Think most of his brothers and 2 sisters avoid us, but we’ll have our 2 sons and daughter in law round during the day, but keeping it quite low key. As long as he’s happy enough that day, that’ll do! Just getting a few extra and tasty treats, but have to keep an eye on that as he’s diabetic as well. Let’s hope all of us , family and Carers on TP, keep well. Xx

 

[AliceA]

I wonder if it has really changed, just the scale. I have always loved Christmas, the hoarded treats of the austere years of growing up, the excitement of young children, the warmth of family and friends and giving my retired parents a week of joyful happenings. Now it has condensed to caring for one with a bit of self care for me hopefully.
Now the memories of the past without the work!
The spirit of love is what it is about for me. Not the glitter.

So although I do not know how it will be this year, I hope we all on here have peace, small joys all round. The unexpected pleasures. Xxx

 

[AliceA]

If you don't like Christmas, you won't start now, and there is no reason why you should. Everything is ten times more difficult at Christmas time - the Day Centres shut, carers fall ill, and you might be expected to be jolly in a large family group when all you want is sleep. Plus your loved one likely has no idea it even is Christmas.

I think you can enjoy it though if you celebrate it quietly and in your own home and try to limit expectations. I've always loved Christmas but never in big groups, so what we usually did was decorate the flat, buy in some nice food and a few presents, and spent a few quiet days in front of the telly. We used to go home to Germany to see my family, but some years ago stopped doing it as it proved too stressful. It turned out my Mum was actually relieved not to have to play hostess, as she is getting on in years too.

This time, like last year, I'll be on my own, but it will be cosy, although I will miss John, and yes, the decorations are already up though I'm not finished yet!

Xxx

 

[nae sporran]

Christmas is always a bit of a mixed time. I have become a bit fed up with it myself, but OH loves the presents. Convincing her daughter to scale back the presents as she gets overwhelmed has been a struggle, but we are getting there. Of course OH's daughter then spends January complaining abut having no money after buying a load of things her mum will forget about in week and never use, adding more stress for me and guilt for OH. Keeping it all low key is the best plan if you can. Good luck and best wishes, @Alex54.

 

[Jean1234]

Not sure how it will be this year. It will be the first Christmas OH has been in a CH. I had so wanted to keep him home for one more Christmas but it wasn’t to be. My first inclination is to just forget about it at home and spend time with him in the CH. They have asked me if I would like to have the Christmas dinner with them. But if my son comes up to join me I shall obviously have to make a bit of an effort. Also I would then have to have the Christmas meal at home instead. It would be lovely to see my son as it always is but I don’t seem to have any wish to celebrate Christmas this year.

 

[Spamar]

I found that if I installed OH in the ( heated) conservatory, he could join in or sit quietly as he wanted. Kept the noise away from him, but he felt he was a part of it all.

 

[PalSal]

My son-in-law loves Christmas and his family have lots of wonderful traditions which he is giving to my granddaughters. I have shared before that he and his male relatives plan, cook and clean up the Christmas feast (which is on Christmas Eve, which is also his beloved mother's birthday) His family have a big old Swiss farm house which his mother lives in ....and all his family come cousins aunts and uncles. All the menfolk get together in October, at a restaurant to plan the Christmas menu which they change every year. The men bake the bread in a wood oven in the farmhouse. The younger generation of boys gets to join at 13 the cooking team (and the night out at a restaurant with the men)...it’s a proud moment for new boys and it is a big family with lots of traditions.

My son in law, takes the girls out on a big toboggan and cuts down a tree, which the Swiss decorate on Christmas Eve.

So, he loves Christmas. Last year he put up and decorated 4 trees, his mother's, my daughter's, mine and his paternal grandmother's tree.

He has come and put up my tree and all the decorations for me the last two years. So, kind and he loves doing it.

We make a day of it and have chili which he loves.

It all works well because the Swiss celebrate on the 24th so they come to me on the 25th and I never feel slighted.

I enjoy the holidays and my choir will be singing for Alzheimer’s on the streets of Basel, as we have for 10 years on Sat Dec. 8. We have two concerts for the public this year, Dec 15 and 16th. And then we are doing concert at the largest geriatric hospital on Tuesday Dec 18th. We did that for the first time last year and the choir found it to be very rewarding and fulfilling.

I just keep going and doing what I can as long as I can.....my OH will come along with one of his carers to the hospital concert. He was never a music person...but I think it is good for him to be out and about. Christmas was a happy time in my family of origin, my grandparents were married on Christmas Day (1915) and my mother was born on Christmas Day (five years later), so I love that my son in law keeps that love going for me.

 

[marionq]

@PalSal i just noticed at the end of your post about the wedding day on Christmas Day 1915. When doing genealogy research over the years I was conscious when looking at births, deaths and marriages that the latter often took place at Christmas or in Scotland at New Years Eve. This was because people got so few holidays especially paid holidays. In Scotland we didn't get Christmas Day as a public holiday until the sixties.

My own parents got married in secret because the firm Mum worked for didn't allow married women to work for them. Once she became pregnant she had to hand in her notice and was taken aback when they said she could come back and work for them after the birth! She must have been good.

 

[Alex54]

I just keep going and doing what I can as long as I can.....my OH will come along with one of his carers to the hospital concert.

It is nice that your family still celebrate Christmas together.
Wishing you all the best!