Two years to get this bad. What now?
- Thread starter AL60
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Dearest Al. Curtains. You hang them just that bit before they’re dry. That way they don’t need ironing and they hang better. Yours from the coal face of domestic servitude, Carolyn. xxxHi. Good morning. I know in my mind I'm not being one bit selfish. But in my heart it's a feeling I just can't shake off. If I'm to carry on I have to.. this to me and I've no doubt to countless others is a long, slow grieving process. I think I have my way of coping, only time will tell. So for today life carries on as normal. A trip to the supermarket, either wash the car or go for a walk. I might even clean some windows and rehang the curtains I washed just yesterday, i also might just leave that until they're all dry. So, normality, that helps, mundane day to day stuff. Then when the mood takes me I'll just go out for the day. Manchester's Christmas market's look in good for one day this week, beat the rush and browse at leisure.So, at the moment everything is fine and hopefully this will continue. So, i gotta go nowbeat the asda rush and get there early
Hi. I washed them, dried them, decided they were a bit tired looking so went out yesterday and bought new omes
. Now I feel better. Even bought a new curtain pole. The old one hadn't been right since the cats pulled it down. simple things like new curtains make such a difference. Al.
Yes, they do. Just rearranging the furniture can make a difference too.Hi. I washed them, dried them, decided they were a bit tired looking so went out yesterday and bought new omes
Hi. I'm still having a break from visiting. Not easy but it's for the best. My eldest daughter went to see her mum yesterday, she didn't fare any better than I did. I rang the home today to see how she's been. Apart from a bit of vomiting she's been reasonably ok. If only things were normal. I've forgotten what normality is. I suppose now I'm living the new normal. Well, if this is the new normal I guess I'll be walking up to my not so local, local tonightand I got a text yesterday asking if I want to join some old workmates for breakfast on Wednesday. Only have to ask me once. Wow, breakfast with friends, an evening at the pub and New curtains, this is living. If nothing else it's a distraction from the old normalityAl.
. If nothing else it's a distraction from the old normalityAl.As long as I don't decide the furniture looks tired too, I've spent too much on things for the house alreadyYes, they do. Just rearranging the furniture can make a difference too.
Al.
Furniture looking tired Al ....... give it a restAs long as I don't decide the furniture looks tired too, I've spent too much on things for the house already
Hi. I think it's me looking more tired than the furnitureFurniture looking tired Al ....... give it a rest
.Hi. I've just returned from a visit to the care home. I didn't get to see my wife. All I did was drop off several toiletry items. They were understaffed so I was asked again if I could refrain from visiting. I can't help but wonder how many more times they'll ask me not to visit. I understand the reason that they're asking but at some point I'll have to go. But not today.
After leaving the care home I went into town. Walking down that street brought all kinds of memories back and for just a few minutes I was overcome by such a feeling of loneliness, strange how you can feel alone surrounded by dozens of other shoppers.
Anyway I'm back home again now, planning what to do next, lots to do but it's not long now until dark. These autumn evenings, they have their advantages don't they. I suppose I'll just have to put those job's off until tomorrow. Breakfast out tomorrow morning with friends, a walk up to my not so local, local tomorrow evening. That leaves me with a three hour window tomorrow afternoon to get my outside job's done. Failing that there's always the day after. . Tell you what, if my wife was well you can bet these little job's would've been done by now. . A cosy night in tonight, excellent. Simple pleasures. Al.
After leaving the care home I went into town. Walking down that street brought all kinds of memories back and for just a few minutes I was overcome by such a feeling of loneliness, strange how you can feel alone surrounded by dozens of other shoppers.
Anyway I'm back home again now, planning what to do next, lots to do but it's not long now until dark. These autumn evenings, they have their advantages don't they
. I suppose I'll just have to put those job's off until tomorrow. Breakfast out tomorrow morning with friends, a walk up to my not so local, local tomorrow evening. That leaves me with a three hour window tomorrow afternoon to get my outside job's done. Failing that there's always the day after. . Tell you what, if my wife was well you can bet these little job's would've been done by now. . A cosy night in tonight, excellent. Simple pleasures. Al.Ah yes, the Red Queen approach! By far the best solution!Hi. I washed them, dried them, decided they were a bit tired looking so went out yesterday and bought new omes
Hi. Just a few weeks ago I posted that that was it, i was going it alone. I felt so much better, i honestly felt I could leave tp with just the occasional post. My wellbeing has improved and I still have a positive outlook. But I've got to admit, i can't do without these download moments, a place to share feelings, a place where I feel I'm in good company, a place where I don't feel quite so isolated. I'd not seen my wife for a week and today was the day of the scan. So it was with a certain amount of trepidation that I went to the care home. A taxi had been booked and a carer allocated to come with us. What could possibly go wrong, actually everything could've gone wrong. I arrived with my sister in law to go to the hospital. We we're met at the care home by the allocated carer, who was tearfully going home due to a family emergency. The taxi was already there so it was decision time. We have to go. We'll manage between us. We went. All tha way to Liverpool you would have thought someone was being kidnapped, murdered or worse, my oh was shouting LIAR over and over again, among other things. I honestly thought we should turn back but we'd gone too far now, no going back. We arrived at the hospital and the shouting continued. I tried to stay out of sight, if she can't see me she can't shout at me. I went to stand just outside. Every time the automatic doors opened i could still hear her. It was awful. I still thought i'd made a mistake, what could be gained by tests and scans anyway, it just felt cruel and pointless. We'd arrived 90 minutes early for the appointment due to the care home booking the taxi early. Not only early but also not booked it via the care home contract so muggins here had to go and find a cash machine to lighten my account by £50 to pay the driver. All the time my wife shouting and spitting venom in my direction. Well, believe it or not, the scan went without a hitch, between my sister in law and the excellent staff at the hospital everything went smoothly. Even my wife was quiet when she came back outside. All the way home she was as quiet as anything, back to the care home not a sound. It's as if a demon was exorcised in the mri scanner the difference was unbelievable. Well, she's safely back at the home now and I've just about calmed down too but oh what an afternoon that was. So I'll say again, where would we be without tp, a place to download and share problems. A place where people like me can give you a blow by blow account of one of my most stressful afternoons of recent times. Now for the million dollar question, do I visit tomorrow? Tough choice. I might just go even if it's to try to get that 50 quid refunded good grief I feel much better now I've shared the joy of my day. That's more than enough for now, so, kettle, tea, bed. Another day tomorrowAl.
the difference was unbelievable. Well, she's safely back at the home now and I've just about calmed down too but oh what an afternoon that was. So I'll say again, where would we be without tp, a place to download and share problems. A place where people like me can give you a blow by blow account of one of my most stressful afternoons of recent times. Now for the million dollar question, do I visit tomorrow? Tough choice. I might just go even if it's to try to get that 50 quid refunded good grief I feel much better now I've shared the joy of my day. That's more than enough for now, so, kettle, tea, bed. Another day tomorrowAl.This is why so many of us are still on TP AL, not only after those we care for being in residential care but after death too.
I wonder if it was fear which caused your wife to kick off so much on the way to the hospital and while waiting. I know she reacts aggressively towards you but this sounded much worse. The fact she was quiet on the return journey even though you were still there might have shown she had some understanding that whatever was frightening her was all over.
When we were being taxied home from the airport after a holiday, I sat my husband in the front with the driver thinking it would be more comfortable for him . It goes without saying I sat in the back.
He seemed quiet all the way home on the two hour journey, but when we arrived home he burst into tears. He didn`t know where the taxi driver was taking him and he didn`t realise I was in the car with him.
I don`t talk in a car because I can`t hear over the traffic and engine noise. It transpired all the way home my husband was asking the driver where he was being taken. The driver was young and had no experience of dementia but repeatedly answered with our address.
It was my mistake.
I`m not suggesting for a minute any of this was your mistake AL but it might explain why your wife was so disturbed.
Whatever you decide to do today, try to give yourself some space.
You probably would do best with a recovery day but sometimes we need to check for minds sake. Whatever try and get an easier weekend.
It all sounded horrendous, you did well with all the difficulties.
As Sylvia said it sounds as if there is a great fear of something. Have you spoken to an Admiralty nurse. There is a help line.
I am pleased you are back on here. We all help each other.
Sometimes it makes us grateful that we do not have the same problems to deal with.
I once heard a story of a woman who was scared of a mouse in the kitchen.
The Carers and family all checked to reassure her to no avail.
Then a new carer noticed the reflection of the door handle on a stainless steel bin was almost the shape of a mouse. Bin was moved and kitchen was useable again.
This is just an example of the mind plays tricks so easily.
Who knows what goes on in the fault brain?
Take Care, Al.
It all sounded horrendous, you did well with all the difficulties.
As Sylvia said it sounds as if there is a great fear of something. Have you spoken to an Admiralty nurse. There is a help line.
I am pleased you are back on here. We all help each other.
Sometimes it makes us grateful that we do not have the same problems to deal with.
I once heard a story of a woman who was scared of a mouse in the kitchen.
The Carers and family all checked to reassure her to no avail.
Then a new carer noticed the reflection of the door handle on a stainless steel bin was almost the shape of a mouse. Bin was moved and kitchen was useable again.
This is just an example of the mind plays tricks so easily.
Who knows what goes on in the fault brain?
Take Care, Al.
Hi:
I tend to agree, there is some kind of fear there. It's been my understanding that even though the brain is not functioning at the capacity it was at before the heart is still beating and the person & feelings are still alive there.
Hi. It's nearly two weeks since my last post on here. It seems more like a month. I've taken some time off visiting, there didn't seem much point going just to cause more upset all round. Yet what's the answer, don't visit at all? That's not going to happen. I went with my daughter last Sunday afternoon. The visit was mostly a success, she shouted a bit, nothing too unusual, and she attempted to launch a cup of tea in my direction, I also skilfully managed to intercept that too. So, for all that we stayed for nearly two hours. But that's it. Just two hours. After all those years together it's so sad we now have nothing to talk about. We were only just kids when we met 46 years ago and now at just 61 all those memories are lost. I guess that's the worst thing about dementia, the theft of all those memories. I've been quietly getting on with things. Had a good day in Llandudno last week with an old mate I'd not seen for a couple of years. Then a couple of nights ago I treated some friends of mine to the biggest shepherds pie you ever saw. Only fair as they'd been treating me to fish and chip Fridays the last few weeks. I also go out a couple of evenings a week, last night was one of those evenings, hence the late post. As I mentioned in earlier posts I've also got other plans for the next few weeks. But whatever I do or wherever I go it just isn't the same. I suppose I'll just have to accept that things will never be the same ever again. When I go and see my wife no matter what kind of mood she's in there's always a little bit of her left, i can see it in the way she looks at me, even when there's a lot of anger it looks like some fear in there too, that's what I find hard. Knowing that although she's angry, mainly with me she also afraid yet won't let me near. It's hard. Oh well. Life goes on as they say. What tomorrow might bring who knows. For that matter who would seriously want to know. In this case ignorance really is bliss. Tomorrow is almost here and i have no plans yet to do anything, just take whatever comes my way. So for now, goodnightAl.
. As I mentioned in earlier posts I've also got other plans for the next few weeks. But whatever I do or wherever I go it just isn't the same. I suppose I'll just have to accept that things will never be the same ever again. When I go and see my wife no matter what kind of mood she's in there's always a little bit of her left, i can see it in the way she looks at me, even when there's a lot of anger it looks like some fear in there too, that's what I find hard. Knowing that although she's angry, mainly with me she also afraid yet won't let me near. It's hard. Oh well. Life goes on as they say. What tomorrow might bring who knows. For that matter who would seriously want to know. In this case ignorance really is bliss. Tomorrow is almost here and i have no plans yet to do anything, just take whatever comes my way. So for now, goodnightAl.Hi @AL60
For years my kids called the Economist 'Dad's Prop'. The last remnants of that highly intelligent, capable and knowing father for them. He carried it everywhere, and we never knew if he could actually read it. Now those days are long gone, he no longer has any pretense of reading.
I wholly support your spending Christmas with you children on your own, if possible guilt free, but it will be strange and different for all of you. Try to not to worry to much about the decision...make it and move on.
For years my kids called the Economist 'Dad's Prop'. The last remnants of that highly intelligent, capable and knowing father for them. He carried it everywhere, and we never knew if he could actually read it. Now those days are long gone, he no longer has any pretense of reading.
I wholly support your spending Christmas with you children on your own, if possible guilt free, but it will be strange and different for all of you. Try to not to worry to much about the decision...make it and move on.
Hi @AL60 ,
It takes time to get used to any new situation. Time is a healer, even though it can't erase the memories of forty years together, thank to goodness.
You have lost so much, but there is much left for you.
I promise, even though I know you find it difficult ( if not impossible) to believe it may be true.
It takes time to get used to any new situation. Time is a healer, even though it can't erase the memories of forty years together, thank to goodness.
You have lost so much, but there is much left for you.
I promise, even though I know you find it difficult ( if not impossible) to believe it may be true.
It`s a tough transition @AL60 and not one any of us would choose to experience. It makes it even harder when you are both relatively so young.
It`s something which has to be endured.
Good friends and family help and you have those, but it`s poor compensation for a good marriage.
Just a glimmer of hope for you. My husband said he was frightened of me. It was the most upsetting thing he ever said. As his dementia progressed he stopped being frightened of me and the time came, in his care home, when our loving relationship was restored. It sounds strange to say the last four years in his life, in residential care, were the best for years.
It`s something which has to be endured.
Good friends and family help and you have those, but it`s poor compensation for a good marriage.
Just a glimmer of hope for you. My husband said he was frightened of me. It was the most upsetting thing he ever said. As his dementia progressed he stopped being frightened of me and the time came, in his care home, when our loving relationship was restored. It sounds strange to say the last four years in his life, in residential care, were the best for years.
Hi. Only here tonight, sorry, this morning because i just cant sleep. So much on my mind. I think it's probably something to do with the approach of Christmas. So many memories. Could be because im remembering for both of us. No wonder i cant sleep. Roll on January. Good Morning. Al.
. Good Morning. Al.Recent Threads
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