What's best for mum?

[Duggies-girl]

Really admire and respect what you're doing @Duggies-girl, if you don't mind me saying so....
You have done your level best by your dad and continue to do so. I hope things work out as well as possible for you, your dad and your hubby X
Hugs
Lindy xx

Thank you @Lindy my dad is a really nice man although a little wearing at times. He loves his home and is quite safe at the moment. I know that it could be a lot worse to be truthful.

 

[whatproblem]

While agreeing with the others that there is no inheritance while your mother is alive, I can understand how you feel about it. All my mother's money is likely to go on care home fees, but I never really expected to get any money from her, I thought it would be used up one way or another before she died. And of course there IS a way of preserving her money, and that's to look after her myself but I am not prepared to do that. She has good care, I don't have to provide it and nor do I have to rely on the Local Authority (yet) so it's a good use of her money as far as I'm concerned.

I think it's the expectation that an inheritance might be forthcoming that then gets dragged away which is exasperating. My husband was very much in denial about his mother's issues and I tried to push for a care home sooner rather than later but it became an emergency in the end. Personally I would have put MIL name down for a care home sooner. I think other posters are right you have look at the bigger picture and do what's best for PWD

Yes, Rosetta, I'm in that situation too. I'm having to come to terms with the likelihood of there being no money left after my Mum's care home fees. I know that the money is not mine and my head accepts that, and as POA I'm legally obliged to see it that way, but my heart bleeds to see all of that cash disappearing down the plughole. Mum's needs come first, but the cost just adds to the pain.

 

[Sirena]

Yes but it is too late now. Dad has terminal oesophageal cancer (although he is looking well at the moment) he is not being treated other than the stent that he has had for almost six months so he is not going to get better. I am just trying to make his last bit of time as nice for him as possible. He doesn't even know that he is ill so is quite happy in himself but getting ever more forgetful everyday. I know it would distress him if he went into a home at this late stage and I am just not prepared to do that, so what will be will be.

It seems like a long haul but it will end, not sure when but it will.

I understand why you feel a care home isn't an option for him now. The support you give him means he's still happy and able to continue at home, but very difficult for you when you have no idea how long he'll go on.