Post 1 - Is this where it starts...

[Grofit]

Damn. I really don't want to be here.
This is my first post.
This is making what I did not want to face into a reality.
Is this where I have to confront my fears and accept that my wife is no longer the person I knew.
Is this the beginning of a new life with a stranger.
How do I cope.
Am I crying for myself or for her.

Im not going to give up, I have tears in my eyes, but I'm going t try.
I dont know what I'm going to do, but I will try.

Night Night.

 

[Grannie G]

Sorry you need to be here @Grofit but please know you are with people who have all been where you are now. it doesn't make it any easier but at least when you post we will know what you are talking about.

We are a supportive lot and I hope it will help.

 

[Starbright]

So sorry you need to be on here but as @Grannie G says keep posting. I have found comfort and learned so much from the experienced folk on T P...take care A x

 

[Sammie234]

Sad your here but as others have said it’s a very supportive forum, whatever you’ve been through or going through someone else would have been there, done that or know someone who has. Take care of yourself.

 

[Manc70]

Hi @Grofit, I’m so sorry for your situation and as others have said, sad that you need to be here. You express so succinctly how I felt in May this year when I first posted, I found it hard and felt as though I was betraying my husband in some way by taking about him but TP has helped me so much. Like you I felt determined to try and try and although it hasn’t been easy, has drained me at times, I have tried to take it one step at a time (sometimes failing), and had good days as well as bad, felt helpless but also had snippets of the person I have been with for 47 years. It’s heartbreaking but there are people here to listen and support you. Take good care and keep posting

 

[karaokePete]

Hello @Grofit, welcome from me too.

As others have said you will get understanding and support here. If your wife’s diagnosis is recent you may be experiencing what is called anticipatory grief. I found that information obtained from the forum helped me to work through that grief stage.

The information I got from the forum helped me realize that while my wife may seem to be disappearing under the symptoms known as dementia, she is still there. The information and support on Talking Point are two of the things that I have found sustain me. What I'm saying is don't give up hope as you don't have to feel that joining the forum is forcing you to simply confront fears as it can help you.

I look forward to seeing your posts in the future.

In case you haven't found it yet you can read up on things like the grief response and all things dementia related in the Publications List that you can find with this link https://forum.alzheimers.org.uk/members/markashley.76676/
I found the information in the list was invaluable to me.

Another useful part of the forum I found is the place where a check for support in your area can be done by using your post code. In case you haven’t come across it yet, you can find that with this link
https://www.alzheimers.org.uk/find-support-near-you

 

[Philbo]

Damn. I really don't want to be here.
This is my first post.
This is making what I did not want to face into a reality.
Is this where I have to confront my fears and accept that my wife is no longer the person I knew.
Is this the beginning of a new life with a stranger.
How do I cope.
Am I crying for myself or for her.

Im not going to give up, I have tears in my eyes, but I'm going t try.
I dont know what I'm going to do, but I will try.

Night Night.

Hi and welcome to the forum.

I remember the initial fears and heartbreak prior to and after my wife's dementia diagnosis in Jan 2014. Like many, I suspect, I had buried my head in the sand, not wanting to acknowledge reality so it took a couple more years before I started looking for more information online. Finding this forum was such a relief and I am very grateful that so many are generous in sharing their experience, good and bad.

So please keep posting and the good folk on here will do their best to help you with your "journey".

Best wishes.
Phil

 

[PalSal]

Welcome "Grofit" This is a good place to get information and practical advice for the journey ahead.

 

[B72]

Grofit, I joined earlier this year. I’ve found it so helpful, and so informative, and such a relief! To be ‘with’ people who understand, who have gone what we will inevitably go through (well, some things), to be able to say things you don’t want to say anywhere else. Like Manc70, I felt I was betraying my OH at first. But the release emotional has helped me be more patient and understanding.

Keep reading TP, and keep posting.

 

[Cazzita]

Hello and sorry you have to be here too but it will help you along the way. It really is a lifeline and good to be amongst people who really can empathise.
Let's hope they find a cure for this damn disease soon and people can be saved from it. It is so hard for the carers as well the person with dementia and we all need support. Wishing you love and luck on your journey - you will hopefully have good times too and time out for yourself as well.
Take care x

 

[marionq]

In the early days I was convinced that approaching our future with my usual
Problem solving skills we would get through in a bearable manner. Hah! This is an illness which sneaks up on you with all kinds of googly shots when you least expect it. At these times TP has often provided support and/or a solution.

I am an expert in matters I didn’t know existed in our previous life ie predem.

My main advice to anyone new to this is get all the paperwork in place at the earliest opportunity and take up any offers of help you get even if at present you feel you can manage. Things change quickly and that is when you need to be able to access help.

Join groups, get your spouse into daycare, consider a needs assessment from SS and a carers assessment for yourself. If things get worse ask for a reassessment. Be proactive rather than overwhelmed - it can happen!

Best wishes.

 

[Sad Staffs]

The previous posts have offered some excellent words of wisdom, support and love....
It’s so difficult facing the reality, admitting that the person you know and love is so different. And yet they look the same, most of the time.
I came onto this forum in June by accident and before official diagnosis, thinking I would get some helpful information, facts etc.
Little did I know just how helpful and important it would become
I had no idea that so many others really understand how desolate I feel, because they have been there, and how difficult life can be, because their lives are just as difficult and for some much more difficult than mine.
But since June, although I feel so alone, I know that I can come on here and that someone will offer support and words of wisdom.
It’s so tough... I never thought this would happen to us.
I find it helps to turn the light off at night and cry, it sets me up to face the next day. I know that is probably a bit odd, but it works for me!
Take care of yourself... B x

 

[Sad Staffs]

In the early days I was convinced that approaching our future with my usual
Problem solving skills we would get through in a bearable manner. Hah! This is an illness which sneaks up on you with all kinds of googly shots when you least expect it. At these times TP has often provided support and/or a solution.

I am an expert in matters I didn’t know existed in our previous life ie predem.

My main advice to anyone new to this is get all the paperwork in place at the earliest opportunity and take up any offers of help you get even if at present you feel you can manage. Things change quickly and that is when you need to be able to access help.

Join groups, get your spouse into daycare, consider a needs assessment from SS and a carers assessment for yourself. If things get worse ask for a reassessment. Be proactive rather than overwhelmed - it can happen!

Best wishes.

Such excellent advice, such wise words. I’m such a novice, but learning fast. Bxx

 

[Grofit]

Thank you all,
I am overwhelmed by your kindness, I read and appreciate every word.
You have provided insight, hope and humour.
I can see that this is a community of people who understand and care.
I will keep coming back here, a little at first, just dipping my toe, getting used to the feeling of 'talking' with people who know.
I know you will not feel disregarded if I only pop in occasionally.

@marionq "I am an expert in matters I didn’t know existed in our previous life ie predem." That made me smile, I'm not sure why... but it did... Thank you.

 

[Grofit]

I am an expert in matters I didn’t know existed in our previous life ie predem.

That made me smile, I'm not sure why... but it did... Thank you.