Melt down

daddykins

Registered User
Jul 14, 2012
153
0
Portland, Dorset
I am due to have minor surgery next week, which entails an overnight stay as my wife would be unable to look after me, and have been trying to organise Respite Care for her.
My wife, who has Vascular Dementia and a Stoma and a few other problems.
It appeared yesterday that following a visit from our social worker that she was resigned to going a particular one.
This morning when I told her that they would be visiting her in order to carry out an assessment on her needs, she changed into a very agonistic mood and said 'she was not going to that place under any circumstances'.
There followed a very heated conversation between us, where I managed to deduce that she was confusing three different episodes over months, as though it was yesterday, and would not accept that she was totally confused
I managed to contact the social worker, who confirmed to me that she did not make any complaint regarding the placement next week. However during our conversation the care home had advised her that they did have some reservations regarding my wife's interaction with some of the residents. I did try to get some information from my wife, which unfortunately only made the situation worse. I eventually suggested that she had a lay down and a little sleep. This worked and she was more relaxed an hour so later.
However the upshot is that I have had to postpone my surgery, fortunately the hospital was very understanding, whilst we try to get some other accommodation sorted out.
I am at my wits end after this morning, I have been trying to get her into respite for the last 3/4 years and thought that this might be the break through that was needed. It has even been stated that I should get 4 - 6 weeks respite a year, but now I cannot see that happening.
 

fizzie

Registered User
Jul 20, 2011
2,725
0
I don't understand why the care home having some reservations prevents your wife going there - the care home just need to be more helpful and more aware for a few days - I would phone the care home directly and explain the situation and hopefully they will agree and you can have your surgery
 

Lindy50

Registered User
Dec 11, 2013
5,242
0
Cotswolds
Oh @daddykins this seems so unfair on you. It might be too late for next week now, but can you contact the social worker again and stress the urgency of the situation? You need respite anyway, and in particular for your surgery. In my opinion it is up to Social Services to help you organise this.
Please don’t give up, you need and deserve both a break and some health care.
Wishing you all the best.
Lindy xx