False Memories / confabulation

[Evoque]

My Mum has been building up to this for a while, I have to say.

When I was a kid, I became a Beatles fan long after the original band had split up. I used to ask my Mum all sorts of stuff about Liverpool and the Beatles and stuff like that. I thought it was great that she was from Liverpool, the home of the Fab Four!

Fast forward forty years, and now Mum will announce to everyone: "I'm from Liverpool!", dropping it into the conversation even when it's nothing to do with it.
She also talks a lot about her school days. She then started saying her school was just down the road from John Lennon's Mum's house.and they used to all go and play there.
She has now graduated to how she knew the Beatles personally, and Cilla too, of course, and that Ringo was absolutely lovely. They used to invite her backstage at all their concerts. I heard her talking to a care visitor just yesterday that she got invited to somebody's funeral (John's?) and encouraged to sit in the front row. She will tell this to anyone, several times over!

Meanwhile, whichever country anybody mentions, Mum has been there, apparently. Well, I know she has been to a couple of places, but she has certainly not been to the Far East, nor anywhere in the Southern Hemisphere. However, she will see somewhere on the telly and insist that she's been there "on the way to Africa" or for some such reason.

Is this standard stuff for Alzheimer's/dementia?

As it is harmless, I just nod and say "Oh, how interesting". I don't see the point in reminding her that while the Beatles were touring the world she was raising a family and working hard and not living anywhere near Merseyside!

I also quite like that she thinks she is so well-travelled and well-connected. After all, it gives her great memories and stories to tell!

 

[marionq]

Absolutely typical and no harm done as no one else is involved.

 

[nellbelles]

Well disagreeing won’t do any good so does it matter?
At least it doesn’t impact on anyone else.

 

[canary]

Yes, totally standard for any sort of dementia. The thing is that they are absolutely certain that they are telling the truth - their damaged brain is playing tricks on them, filling in the gaps in their memory to form a false memory (known as a confabulation) that is indistinguishable from real memories. My mum used to watch TV and be sure that she had been to school with people she saw there, or she knew their mum. She once told me that she had had tea with the queen the day before! I think you are taking the right tack - correcting her will only make her upset or angry. I used to say things like well I never, that must have been fun and really? a lot of the time.

 

[nae sporran]

My partner met Elvis and danced with him, which has now become a lovely little story about him coming back to her house and occasionally even dancing with her mum. I think the original story should have been a warning of dementia taking on a new level.
As others say it is all harmless, and even quite entertaining in a way. So, you are doing the right thing by just playing along enjoying a good story.

 

[Lynmax]

According to my Mum, Manchester City have already won the 2018/19 title and having won it so many times, they now keep the cup! Last year, they toured her local area to show off the cup and stopped outside her house and she got on the bus with the team! She is planning a trip to Wembly to watch them win the FA Cup again and might stay in the same hotel as the players so she can have a cup of tea with them!

She does go to all the home matches as she and my brother have season tickets so I guess it is just wishful thinking!

 

[VerityH]

Is this standard stuff for Alzheimer's/dementia?

I love it! My mum talks all sorts of **** about what she's done but not such interesting stuff as this! Mainly things like they rented a car or went to the shops or she phoned my sister (when she's done absolutely nothing like this at all. I just go along with it. Why upset her - so long as she's happy! (Actually, she's not happy most of the time, but you know what I mean …)

 

[Linbrusco]

My Dad 80, has been like this for past 10 yrs. He was diagnosed with MCI 4 yrs ago, but now mixed dementia.
We always used to point out the flaws in his stories, and in typical Dad fashion did always tell outrageous lies.
He did National Service in the Army, stationed in Kenya and Germany.
Apparently he has met Elvis Presley, Muhammed Ali, & Freddy Mercury.
While in Glasgow in a boxing match, apparently Billy Connelly came to watch him and shook his hand. Never mind the fact that Dad would have been 20, and Billy a young teen and unknown!
He’s also met every famous scottish person going.... Sean Connery & Rod Stewart.

Dad was a painter & decorator. Has been retired for 17 yrs.
Mums care home was built 3 yrs ago and she has been there 2 yrs.
Yes! apparently Dad had been there before and painted it.
If he meets a builder, plasterer, plumber or electrician hes worked with them! Even if they are only 20 or 30.

If the darts are on TV, and in a UK town he will be commenting on the audience and how he used to play darts with them.
These will be people in their 40’s/50’s.
Dad emmigrated to New Zealand 52 yrs ago.

 

[sarahsea]

My husband is full of stories and false memories, some from the distant past, but others happen every day. I understand that it's part of his dementia and I try to nod appreciatively and make supportive noises as I know there's no point in arguing, but I do struggle with this.
His stories always involve him as a kind of super hero character. He saves people's lives on an almost daily basis, but never when I'm around. It happens when he's out and about on one of his little walks and I've noticed it happens more often when he's stressed. For example we bought a puppy recently and went to pick her up in the afternoon, but he didn't remember choosing her a few days earlier and so was anxious about the route (which I knew). That morning, before we set off, he saved the lives of 3 people in 3 separate incidents whilst out on a relatively short walk.

He often says that he knows celebrities on TV and has saved them from being attacked somewhere in London several years ago. The list includes Bruce Forsythe, Julian Clary, Tim Vine, Stephen Hawking and many others. My favourite is Warwick Davis who apparently was being attacked by 4 men when my husband stepped in to protect him. He tucked Warwick under his left arm and fought off the men with his right hand.

Sadly I don't have the patience of a saint (or even the patience of a very patient person) and a couple of days ago I questioned his story about a woman who tripped on the pavement outside our house and he managed to catch her as she fell. As with all the stories, the person he saves is always very grateful and there's often a small crowd who applaud him and shake his hand. On this occasion, he asked me first if I'd been looking out of the window - did I see what happened? I said no and then he told me the story, which made me think that he knew it was made up. It had been a difficult day (my only excuse) and I very quickly pointed out that our next door neighbours have CCTV and maybe they've got it recorded. So I said I would ask them. He immediately asked me not to speak to them about it as he felt uncomfortable about it. I didn't of course, but it did make me think that there's something else going on here and not just false memories.

 

[AlsoConfused]

I always felt Mum's confabulations were part of her desperate attempts to feel good about herself. Earlier on in her dementia Mum said her self-esteem was at rock bottom … and how it could not be, given her awareness then of her increasing mental problems and generalised incompetence?

 

[mab]

There must be an element of self esteem to these confabulations @AlsoConfused .
They always seem to lift the person to some degree of fame or heroism.
My husband was a surgeon and now appears to have been chosen to operate on numerous celebrities. Naturally they demanded his services rather than those of another!

 

[Witzend]

I had to laugh at the 'I've been there' bit.
Every time any country from Albania to Zimbabwe was mentioned on TV, my mother would say she'd been there. In fact she'd travelled quite a bit with my father, but Uzbekistan/Armenia, etc.?

I soon stopped saying, 'I don't think so." Instead I'd say 'Oh, yes - was it nice?'

The answer was invariably, 'I can't remember.' !!!

 

[Witzend]

I've just remembered a confab incident with my FiL, where we worked out what had triggered it.

He was talking a lot about his 'housekeeper' (he'd never had such a thing) and how he'd found the immoral trollop in bed with a man in his house!

He'd recently been to stay with BiL and SiL for a few days, to give me a break.
So eventually we worked out that the 'housekeeper' was SiL, since she did the housework and cooking. And since he was in the habit of prowling around at night, going into bedrooms and peering at beds to see who was sleeping in 'his' house, SiL would have been the 'trollop' who was in bed with BiL.
Dh and I felt quite chuffed with ourselves after working it out.

 

[canary]

There is usually a kernel of truth in confabulations - something they have seen, something they have heard, something on TV, or from the past and it gets stretched, added to, mixed up with other things, taken out of context and generally confused so that their mind comes up with a narrative to try and make sense of it.

Im pretty sure that mums story that she had had tea with the Queen was due to something she saw on TV.

 

[Floundering]

My husband tells stories that are unbelievable. No point in correcting him or even questioning him as it makes him very angry and nasty to me.
Does anyone know what stage of dementia this happens in? My husband was diagnosed 9 years ago.
The lates story is that he helped in the Greenfell tower new community hub which has recently been finished.

 

[canary]

Does anyone know what stage of dementia this happens in?

I think it can start quite early on sometimes. It was one of the first signs that I noticed with my OH. My mum, on the other hand, started in mid-stage.

 

[j261]

One of my MIL’s recent confabulations was that she had just been given the news she was having another baby. Not bad for an 89 year old

That did make me smile x

 

[clarice2]

My husband said that all his carers smell when they open their mouths. This is because they all drink their own urine instead of water. I eventually realised that he had been watching Peter Kay's Car Share with his sitter while I was out and a water sample is accidentally squirted into his mouth in one episode. He often watches something and thinks it is real.
Clarice2

 

[northumbrian_k]

My wife actually did go to school with a well-known singer from the 1960s, namely Eric Burdon. But that is the least of it as, in her reality, she has already been to any new place that we visit, knows all about and can comment on the character of people I mention although she has never met them, and has seen TV programmes before they are aired. It is pointless to correct her and counter-productive as she will then just want to argue ...

 

[Gingercatlady]

My mum told me that she knew my dad was her husband now but couldn't remember the husband she had before, she then asked if I was her eldest child. Mum has only ever been married to my dad and I am the only child she ever had. Not sure if this is confabulation or the start of our confabulation stage. (Confabulation - such a great word)