I have similar feelings to yours in that I feel my mum is trying to get attention. She has vascular dementia and dad has cancer, dad and I went to hospital today for all his pre-op assessments, mum went to her day center. She says she doesn't want to go and sit there then says there's no one to talk to at home when I say she doesn't have to go.
She decided that dad and I were making it all up when we got back from the hospital and that she didn't know he has cancer, we've been going through this for 2 months now. She then started crying and saying it was her fault that he has cancer, no amount of explaining or distraction would work.
It's almost as if every time I ask dad if he's ok she starts something similar and crying. Dad's doing so well as he cares for mum she would sit in a chair and eat chocolate all day in dirty clothes if he wasn't there.
It's very difficult and I feel for both of them. I feel guilty because I feel annoyed by mum and what ever I try to help her she rails against and I feel guilty for leaving my dad and going back to my own home and teenage daughter, so he's left with mums confusion. I feel guilty for taking time off work to go to appointments with my parents and letting my colleagues take up the slack. I feel guilty for not being there all the time for my daughter.
I've twittered on far too long but want to thank anyone who's read it and let me have my rant, bless you all.
Hello again
You kindly replied to my rant earlier in the week. The man with the shrinking world. My concerns seem trivial compared to your own. Please rant away. It helped me maybe it will do the same for you this time. I do not know your mother and her behaviour is difficult but might be driven by anxiety. Your dad is going to be away for a while, treatment for cancer. On the surface your mum may not appear to appreciate what he is doing for her, but underneath real anxiety at his pending absence? You cannot really influence that. On a personal note you can ask the guilt monster to take a hike. You need to return home to your teenage daughter, someone who needs you in her own way. Work colleagues will pick up the slack if they are aware of what you are dealing with. The problem is you again feeling guilty about that support. Please cut yourself a little slack. Pot and kettle black with my own background I know, but you kindly answered my rant so let me now return the favour. Your dad must be under a lot of stress. Is there a small gift you could buy him for when he is in hospital eg a book to read he will enjoy. Your mum most likely can no longer do such a thing, but from you it may well be worth a great deal to him emotionally? Just a thought. Please stay strong.