Antidepressants

[Sad Staffs]

This is probably a stupid thing to ask advice about, but could it be detrimental to caring for my husband if I start taking antidepressants?
I know I’m finding it difficult, I know I cry at the drop of a hat, I know I’m very unhappy. My GP has suggested I be given antidepressants, but I said no as I thought it might diminish how much I need to do for my husband, how on the ball I need to be, all the computer stuff, finance, and everything else that he did or we did and now I need to do. And of course I do all the driving.
Could antidepressants cause me to be less in control?
Do any of you take them and could you give me advice please. I’m sorry if you think I’m stupid and should discuss this with my GP but I don’t find it easy to talk to him...
Thank you Bx

 

[tryingmybest]

I understand totally how you are feeling and am sorry it's all getting to you. I personally don't believe in taking them. I will probably get shot down in flames for saying this, as lots of people swear by them and say they help, but I feel doctors these days seem too keen to hand them out like smarties and then people are left on them for years without any follow up. I took St Johns Wort for a while when I was feeling particularly bad. It's a natural remedy and you can get it from Holland and Barrett or Boots or online. I was amazed how it helped me. In fact I'm going through a tough time at the moment so am going to take it for a while again. Why not give that a try first of all?

 

[marionq]

Anti depressants have saved the day in this house but for my husband not for me. They have calmed him down and made it possible for me to continue to look after him. I need to be in control so drugs are not for me. At a stretch I have a glass of wine and a bit of chocolate and if you count those as drugs then that's what I have when pushed.

When things were very difficult for me at an early stage of his illness I cried a river especially if anyone was nice to me but life has moved on. I feel much calmer too now on nothing stronger than the occasional paracetamol. The problem you have now is not really yours at all - without your husbands illness you would be fine - so his problem needs fixing and if you approach it from that end you might find a solution.

With every sympathy. Good wishes.

 

[B72]

I was on antidepressants after the birth of my second child (well over 40 years ago) and after the death of my father (well over 30 years ago). It didn’t make me go on them for years. I didn’t become dependent, to my knowledge it didn’t impair my faculties, it did help me to overcome a ‘blip’. Probably, taking them would help you to retain a sense of perspective.

Take them.

Love and hugs xxx

 

[Sad Staffs]

I understand totally how you are feeling and am sorry it's all getting to you. I personally don't believe in taking them. I will probably get shot down in flames for saying this, as lots of people swear by them and say they help, but I feel doctors these days seem too keen to hand them out like smarties and then people are left on them for years without any follow up. I took St Johns Wort for a while when I was feeling particularly bad. It's a natural remedy and you can get it from Holland and Barrett or Boots or online. I was amazed how it helped me. In fact I'm going through a tough time at the moment so am going to take it for a while again. Why not give that a try first of all?

Thank you @tryingmybest St Johns Wort is worth a try. When I can I will get to a Holland & Barrett. When I was working someone I worked with told me that her husband had taken it and he had problems I think due to complications with other medication. I have been retired for quite some time, so I can't really remember why but it made me steer clear of St Johns Wort! I have never taken antidepressants, I always thought myself a stable, bright and bubbly person. That person has gone, not sure where, but I certainly don't recognise her anymore. Someone once called me ebullient. I had to look it up in the dictionary at the time, I thought they were being unpleasant! But I am not ebullient now, whatever it means!!
Again, thank you for your advice. Bx

 

[karaokePete]

I have to agree with @Bel72. Antidepressants are usually geared to control the symptoms of depression and, possibly, anxiety. They aren't sedatives but may have a calming effect by reducing anxiety. They should enable you to function better, not worse.

There are many different types of these meds so you may find one that will help you through a rough patch.

The problem I would see is that the drugs may help with symptoms but not remove the cause of the problem. Maybe a care needs assessment for both you and your husband would yield better long term results - that's assuming that this hasn't been done already.

In our home my wife is on meds for both depression and anxiety on a long term basis. Sadly, my wife is no longer able to think/work her way out of her issues so, like Marionq, I feel her being medicated helps both of us as that part of her symptoms are somewhat controlled.

 

[jenniferpa]

I have had bouts of depression over the years, and I've been on several medications for it. What I can say is that while some (mostly older meds) can make you foggy, and some might have unacceptable side-effects (Effexor - I'm looking at you) it is perfectly possible with a decent doctor to find a med that will alleviate the symptoms without making you non-functional.

With regard to so called natural remedies, like St John's Wort - the reason they can work is that they are pharmacologically active, just like a medication you get from your doctor, only less well regulated. So they can be the roll of the dice.

So yes, talk to your GP and see what he/she suggests. And if the first one doesn't agree with you after a few weeks (there can be side effects that diminish over time) go back and say: this isn't right for me, I want to try something else.

 

[Sad Staffs]

Anti depressants have saved the day in this house but for my husband not for me. They have calmed him down and made it possible for me to continue to look after him. I need to be in control so drugs are not for me. At a stretch I have a glass of wine and a bit of chocolate and if you count those as drugs then that's what I have when pushed.

When things were very difficult for me at an early stage of his illness I cried a river especially if anyone was nice to me but life has moved on. I feel much calmer too now on nothing stronger than the occasional paracetamol. The problem you have now is not really yours at all - without your husbands illness you would be fine - so his problem needs fixing and if you approach it from that end you might find a solution.

With every sympathy. Good wishes.

Thank you @marionq, such words of wisdom.... I think I would like you to be my GP. You are so right. All my emotions are related to my husbands Alzheimers and his other health problems too. It isn't just that I miss him as he isn't the same anymore, but it is because I know he will never be that person again, and I am so desperately heartbroken. Although searching back I think his Alzheimers has been there, but not there, for quite a long time, it only became obvious in February/March when he had surgery, came home confused, and was rushed back in with sepsis. He was so very poorly, confused, delusional. It is like I suddenly have a very different person, someone I am not sure I really know anymore even though we have lived together for 44 years. Where has he gone? He looks the same. I can't accept that I am not going to get him back. Perhaps that is the answer, I need to accept the situation. He goes back in to hospital next week, and we know that anaesthetics affect him, so life is pretty terrifying at the moment. But I do welcome your wise words... thank you. Bx

 

[Sad Staffs]

Thank you all for your advice. I think I do need to try to talk to my GP. He is lovely, brilliant with my husband, but I struggle to talk to him about me, I only talk to him about my husband. Its like I am allowing myself to disappear. And I was a director of a large national charity.... where on earth has she gone! I was a strong woman, fighting the corner of distressed parents and disabled children and young people. I said I don't recognise my husband anymore, but I don't recognise myself anymore either.
My husband goes back into hospital next week. We are worried about the affect this anaesthetic will have as we know anaesthesia, the drugs they give him, his anxiety, and being out of his comfort zone all impacts on him. The anaesthetist has told us to expect it to affect his Alzheimers, and that I should not be on my own when he comes home. We have no idea what will happen but it is worrying and frightening.
So we need to get this surgery over with, see what happens, and then I will go to see our GP and talk to him about me...
Thank you for everything. I am not sure what I would do without you lovely logical people on Talking Point.
Bx

 

[Jules1704]

This is probably a stupid thing to ask advice about, but could it be detrimental to caring for my husband if I start taking antidepressants?
I know I’m finding it difficult, I know I cry at the drop of a hat, I know I’m very unhappy. My GP has suggested I be given antidepressants, but I said no as I thought it might diminish how much I need to do for my husband, how on the ball I need to be, all the computer stuff, finance, and everything else that he did or we did and now I need to do. And of course I do all the driving.
Could antidepressants cause me to be less in control?
Do any of you take them and could you give me advice please. I’m sorry if you think I’m stupid and should discuss this with my GP but I don’t find it easy to talk to him...
Thank you Bx

Hi
I take them to stop me panicking at everything, I have FTD and wouldn’t like to stop them ,
At first when they were offered I was so against them but eventually gave in
I can be really difficult some times and so sad for the people around me ,I am sure they help me a little
You could try and see how you go ,
Take care
Jules

 

[mab]

Some years ago, when I was in a difficult situation with my OH, the GP offered me antidepressants saying 'They won't change your situation, but will help you to deal with it'. That's just what happened. I stayed in control but didn't like the way all my emotions were blunted so stopped them after a few months. Since then St John's Wort has helped me through on occasion. (Also available in Tesco)
We're all facing a really tough, potentially long, dementia journey and I see nothing wrong in easing it with whatever reasonable help there is.

 

[kindred]

Thank you all for your advice. I think I do need to try to talk to my GP. He is lovely, brilliant with my husband, but I struggle to talk to him about me, I only talk to him about my husband. Its like I am allowing myself to disappear. And I was a director of a large national charity.... where on earth has she gone! I was a strong woman, fighting the corner of distressed parents and disabled children and young people. I said I don't recognise my husband anymore, but I don't recognise myself anymore either.
My husband goes back into hospital next week. We are worried about the affect this anaesthetic will have as we know anaesthesia, the drugs they give him, his anxiety, and being out of his comfort zone all impacts on him. The anaesthetist has told us to expect it to affect his Alzheimers, and that I should not be on my own when he comes home. We have no idea what will happen but it is worrying and frightening.
So we need to get this surgery over with, see what happens, and then I will go to see our GP and talk to him about me...
Thank you for everything. I am not sure what I would do without you lovely logical people on Talking Point.
Bx

Sweetheart, the woman you are is still there but being relentlessly challenged and upset. She will come back, I promise you. It is taking me a lot of time, I am still suffering from what I call prisoner syndrome whereby I can't go more than a mile or so from my home without passing out or being ill after five years of imprisonment by being a carer for my husband. But I do see points of light, and so will you. Get this operation over you will have more clarity. All my love and thoughts, Geraldinexxx

 

[Norfolk Cherry]

I have several friends who have benefitted from short and long term use of anti depressants so don't be put off. I also think it might be worth asking the GP for a series of counselling sessions to give you some tools to deal with the grief and stress? You are having a rotten time, is it possible to transfer to a different GP?

 

[Manc70]

This is probably a stupid thing to ask advice about, but could it be detrimental to caring for my husband if I start taking antidepressants?
I know I’m finding it difficult, I know I cry at the drop of a hat, I know I’m very unhappy. My GP has suggested I be given antidepressants, but I said no as I thought it might diminish how much I need to do for my husband, how on the ball I need to be, all the computer stuff, finance, and everything else that he did or we did and now I need to do. And of course I do all the driving.
Could antidepressants cause me to be less in control?
Do any of you take them and could you give me advice please. I’m sorry if you think I’m stupid and should discuss this with my GP but I don’t find it easy to talk to him...
Thank you Bx

Hi Sad Staffs, the first thing to say is that you are certainly not stupid and believe me your strength shines through in your posts, it’s hard but be proud of how you have kept things going with everything that has been thrown at you. You have gone through so much already and when you are in a permanent state of worry (for very real reasons) it does take its toll. Like you regarding the crying and just feeling so dreadfully sad and unhappy at what feels like a huge loss (of course that’s what it is) i saw the GP, thought about antidepressants but I have decided against them for now and try relaxation (only managed to do the CD they gave me once in weeks). My OH is on antidepressants, in fact dose has just been increased and thankfully life is a bit calmer at the moment without them making him drowsy or anything. My opinion is that there is certainly a place for them and a member of my family got through a very bad time with the help of them and then was able to stop. I don’t think I’m being a help, you will make the right decision for you and get through this. We go away on Sunday - my tummy is doing somersaults at the thought - a 5 hour drive, overnight stay, 2 hour drive and short flight - will be amazed if it goes without a hitch - this morning he had a funny turn that made me think what on earth am I doing, frankly I’m scared stiff. All the best for your husband’s procedure next week, stay strong. Xx

 

[Sad Staffs]

Sweetheart, the woman you are is still there but being relentlessly challenged and upset. She will come back, I promise you. It is taking me a lot of time, I am still suffering from what I call prisoner syndrome whereby I can't go more than a mile or so from my home without passing out or being ill after five years of imprisonment by being a carer for my husband. But I do see points of light, and so will you. Get this operation over you will have more clarity. All my love and thoughts, Geraldinexxx

Thank you

Sweetheart, the woman you are is still there but being relentlessly challenged and upset. She will come back, I promise you. It is taking me a lot of time, I am still suffering from what I call prisoner syndrome whereby I can't go more than a mile or so from my home without passing out or being ill after five years of imprisonment by being a carer for my husband. But I do see points of light, and so will you. Get this operation over you will have more clarity. All my love and thoughts, Geraldinexxx

Thank you Geraldine... your posts always make me feel warm, how do you do that? You have such an empathetic touch, I have put an emoji kiss but from experience they disappear when I post! But it is there in spirit.
I need to hang on until after his surgery, see what happens, and who knows, it might be absolutely fine, fingers crossed(another emoji symbol, there in spirit)!
Another wonderful post from you. You must light up the room where Keith, the staff and residents are, and they must be thrilled to see you. And in such fine voice too, so many wonderful songs.
With much love, and thank you. Bx

 

[Sad Staffs]

Hi Sad Staffs, the first thing to say is that you are certainly not stupid and believe me your strength shines through in your posts, it’s hard but be proud of how you have kept things going with everything that has been thrown at you. You have gone through so much already and when you are in a permanent state of worry (for very real reasons) it does take its toll. Like you regarding the crying and just feeling so dreadfully sad and unhappy at what feels like a huge loss (of course that’s what it is) i saw the GP, thought about antidepressants but I have decided against them for now and try relaxation (only managed to do the CD they gave me once in weeks). My OH is on antidepressants, in fact dose has just been increased and thankfully life is a bit calmer at the moment without them making him drowsy or anything. My opinion is that there is certainly a place for them and a member of my family got through a very bad time with the help of them and then was able to stop. I don’t think I’m being a help, you will make the right decision for you and get through this. We go away on Sunday - my tummy is doing somersaults at the thought - a 5 hour drive, overnight stay, 2 hour drive and short flight - will be amazed if it goes without a hitch - this morning he had a funny turn that made me think what on earth am I doing, frankly I’m scared stiff. All the best for your husband’s procedure next week, stay strong. Xx

Hi @Manc70 , I think we live parallel lives! My husband has also been on antidepressants since he came out of hospital in March. The memory team recommended we see our GP about increasing the dose, doubling it in fact. He has been on this for about a month. They do help him sleep, excellent! I thought it was helping, but we had a bad day today. He has been very aggressive, swearing, screaming at me and to be honest he’s been pretty vile. He’s quietened down now. Most of it relates to his incontinence. He can’t put them on, take them off, and I think it is something that he is ashamed of, and he knows that he has no choice but for me to deal with them night and many times daily.
I am so proud of you with your forthcoming trip. I really hope it runs very smoothly and that you both have a lovely time. I really hope that it does you good. Please let me know how you get on. We do tend to live our lives through others, so I can’t wait to hear how you get on.
Take care, I’m thinking about you, and sending love. Bx

 

[kindred]

Thank you

Thank you Geraldine... your posts always make me feel warm, how do you do that? You have such an empathetic touch, I have put an emoji kiss but from experience they disappear when I post! But it is there in spirit.
I need to hang on until after his surgery, see what happens, and who knows, it might be absolutely fine, fingers crossed(another emoji symbol, there in spirit)!
Another wonderful post from you. You must light up the room where Keith, the staff and residents are, and they must be thrilled to see you. And in such fine voice too, so many wonderful songs.
With much love, and thank you. Bx

Oh my darling what a lovely post, thank you with all heart. Yes, let's hang on and wait for clarity about your husband. Dreading in advance is always worse unless we can somehow use it to get organised in some way. I love your emoji kiss in spirit, sweetheart and thank you so very much. Am going to take some puppets in to Keith's home today, see what happens.
all love and thoughts, Geraldine aka kindred.xxxx

 

[Manc70]

Hi @Manc70 , I think we live parallel lives! My husband has also been on antidepressants since he came out of hospital in March. The memory team recommended we see our GP about increasing the dose, doubling it in fact. He has been on this for about a month. They do help him sleep, excellent! I thought it was helping, but we had a bad day today. He has been very aggressive, swearing, screaming at me and to be honest he’s been pretty vile. He’s quietened down now. Most of it relates to his incontinence. He can’t put them on, take them off, and I think it is something that he is ashamed of, and he knows that he has no choice but for me to deal with them night and many times daily.
I am so proud of you with your forthcoming trip. I really hope it runs very smoothly and that you both have a lovely time. I really hope that it does you good. Please let me know how you get on. We do tend to live our lives through others, so I can’t wait to hear how you get on.
Take care, I’m thinking about you, and sending love. Bx

Hi B, thank you for your good wishes for the holiday, it means a lot to me. I’m so sorry you had a rough day yesterday. Don’t we always say you hurt your nearest and dearest as we know they they will always be there and i think life with my OH feels like that only tenfold. A bit unfair at the moment as he is calmer (meds?) but partly since I stopped biting back - even then I think that contributes to the feeling of losing yourself, I don’t feel like me anymore. It’s quite funny how I can now take responsibility for all the things he “hasn’t” put in places when I eventually find them! I hope all that doesn’t sound petty, especially with what you are going through, I feel sure you know what I’m saying. Well I had better finish packing, get the car filled up, dog to kennels etc etc - how I yearn for the shared partnership we had. He is back in bed after waking me numerous times. I shall stop moaning and be thankful we are at least going on holiday. I may sound mad at him all the time but I love him with all my heart. Take good care, I’ll let you know how we get on. Love Sxx

 

[Grannie G]

I've always had quite negative feelings about anti depressants but its easy for me to say, never having been personally affected by depression.

They didn't really help my husband, although he was only prescribed them when he had dementia, so maybe without them he could have been more depressed than he was.

What has changed my point of view is how much they have helped a close family member. I was shocked when I heard about this new development until my son, who suffers severe migraines , suggested anti depressants for depression are as justifiable as pain relief for migraines.

 

[Sad Staffs]

Hi B, thank you for your good wishes for the holiday, it means a lot to me. I’m so sorry you had a rough day yesterday. Don’t we always say you hurt your nearest and dearest as we know they they will always be there and i think life with my OH feels like that only tenfold. A bit unfair at the moment as he is calmer (meds?) but partly since I stopped biting back - even then I think that contributes to the feeling of losing yourself, I don’t feel like me anymore. It’s quite funny how I can now take responsibility for all the things he “hasn’t” put in places when I eventually find them! I hope all that doesn’t sound petty, especially with what you are going through, I feel sure you know what I’m saying. Well I had better finish packing, get the car filled up, dog to kennels etc etc - how I yearn for the shared partnership we had. He is back in bed after waking me numerous times. I shall stop moaning and be thankful we are at least going on holiday. I may sound mad at him all the time but I love him with all my heart. Take good care, I’ll let you know how we get on. Love Sxx

Thank you.... I’m singing we’re all going on a summer holiday, only I wish I was coming with you! I have a feeling that song is going to be stuck in my head for the rest of the day!
Have a wonderful happy calm and relaxing holiday. Thinking of you...
With love. B xx