Terminally ill primary carer, don't know what to do

[TenBob]

Dad is terminally ill and currently in hospital. He's the primary carer for my stepmum who is currently in respite care (Social Services are expecting to take her home in 2 weeks, back to my Dad! Obviously Dad can't look after himself, let alone his wife with dementia).

We've tried contacting SS but they won't speak to us as we don't have Power of Attorney for either Dad or Stepmum (nobody does - long story, but we've only just got back in touch after a family feud, Dad failed to tell us how ill he'd become until it was a terminal diagnosis).

So, Dad can't go home but doesn't have anywhere to go (yet). Stepmum obviously can't go home as nobody will be there. We're stumped as to what to do for both their needs.

 

[stanleypj]

Hi TenBob and welcome to TP.
What a dreadful situation. Does the GP know about your Dad,? He or she might know how to access some support.

 

[karaokePete]

Hello @TenBob, you are welcome here.

In view of the urgency of your situation it may be a good idea to talk to the experts on the help line as I'm sure they will be able to help explain what to do. The help line details are

National Dementia Helpline
0300 222 11 22
Our helpline advisers are here for you.
Helpline opening hours:
Monday to Wednesday 9am – 8pm
Thursday and Friday 9am – 5pm
Saturday and Sunday 10am – 4pm

 

[TenBob]

Hi TenBob and welcome to TP.
What a dreadful situation. Does the GP know about your Dad,? He or she might know how to access some support.

It really is a dreadful situation! The GP knows Dad very well, but hasn't offered any practical help, other than to say get in touch with Social Services - and we got nowhere there.
Thanks for replying.

 

[TenBob]

Hello @TenBob, you are welcome here.

In view of the urgency of your situation it may be a good idea to talk to the experts on the help line as I'm sure they will be able to help explain what to do

I've sent one of my (3) sisters the link to this forum page, she's doing the phone calls. Many thanks!

 

[stanleypj]

Good to hear your sister's on the case. But you can't help feeling a really good GP would chase up SS.

 

[Sirena]

Good to hear you now have helpful contact info.

I don't understand why SS won't help. I don't have health and welfare LPA for my mother but SS were happy to speak to me, they didn't even ask about LPA. The GP can request a SS needs assessment for your stepmum, my mother's GP did this and I found it meant SS moved into action quickly and were prepared to visit within 48 hours.

 

[TenBob]

Good to hear you now have helpful contact info.

I don't understand why SS won't help. I don't have health and welfare LPA for my mother but SS were happy to speak to me, they didn't even ask about LPA. The GP can request a SS needs assessment for your stepmum, my mother's GP did this and I found it meant SS moved into action quickly and were prepared to visit within 48 hours.

I guess it's because she's our step mum? They've said they will only speak to my Dad.

 

[Sirena]

I guess it's because she's our step mum? They've said they will only speak to my Dad.

Possibly. I would have hoped their main concern would be arranging help for the vulnerable person - I hope you manage to get some action from them.

 

[kindred]

I know this is off the wall, and I say that every time I suggest this as a possibility. I have heard such good things from hiring an independent social worker. You need to google to see if there is one in your area. They cost, obviously, but are very effective. warmest, Kindred.