Decisions to be made - why I feel so bad

[shaktibhakti]

Mum was admitted to hospital 3 weeks ago - short version is that we couldn't wake her up, called paramedics and into hospital we went. Mum was initially being treated for dehydration, possible chest/uti infection. The weeks before being admitted she was eating and drinking less despite my attempts to feed her, walking with a frame had gone to shuffling and that was only to get her up out of bed or put her to bed at night, her carers were unable to persuade her to stand up in between those times. I would have said that at that point she was probably starting into the late stages of dementia (she has vascular).

In the 3 weeks that mum has been in hospital she has rapidly gone downhill to such a stage there have been many times that I expected (and wished for) a phone call to say that she had passed away - she is hardly eating anything now and drinking even less, she has difficulty moving her arms,she is unable to talk and I'm not even sure if she knows who her family are. When I talk to her there is no reaction at all and the nurses are using a hoist to get her out of bed to sit in a chair and to hear her cry out is something I never want to hear again. The infection was a chest infection and that has cleared up, she has had a ct scan and that shows no or little change from the one she had in January and the doctors are now saying that as far as they are concerned she is "medically fit" for discharge. So we now have a decision to make and after discussing the whole situation with my brother (who lives with her but does next to nothing to help) I feel that we have no option but to start thinking about her going into a care home. This is now breaking my heart - I promised mum 3 years ago that she would never go into a home and I'm now breaking that promise. If this does happen will she understand where she is and know somewhere in her mind that I have done this to her? I have thought about her coming to live with us but I'm not sure I could cope 24 hours a day.

Do you think that mum is now coming to end of life or am I overthinking things- I just don't know, I've tried many times over that last 3 weeks just to hold her hand but there is no reaction, it isn't my mum who is sitting there just her body. God I wish she could just go to sleep and not wake up and if that sounds awful then I apologise, I want her suffering over

For anyone who has got this far, thank you for taking the time to read this

my mother was expected not to come out of hospital two years ago & when she was discharged she was very sick with catheta in situ...awful,she should ve remained in hospital but this is the system now... amazingly she rallied round, i stayed there on & off for 6 months supported by care package which was ok but not great! now not so well..dont torture yourself when youve done the best you possibly can...big problem is we cant make promises re health as we dont know what will happen in future...for any of us we just dont know....this is life! sounds like you have done the best for her like i have done with my mother...thats all we can do our very best! It dosent make sense to be beating ourselves up, its not helpful to anyone least of all us! We also need to be taking care of ourselves & our health. Truth is nobody wants to suffer but as we say [im yoga teacher] theres suffering everywhere in the world, At some time or another We will all suffer depending on how we look at our circumstances etc..you are just doing your best & thankfully you are around to have been of assistence to your mother who although she is unable to show it Im sure is very appreciative.