Mother asked to leave care Home due to aggression

[Grannie G]

Then late last night I got a call from the Home saying a family member of another resident visiting recently witnessed my mother being rough handled by 3 carers.

At least the home made contact with you , not the family member of the other resident. I hope this means the home has accepted liability and taken responsibility by dismissing the guilty carers without notice.

If this is the case, perhaps it will give you some confidence in the management of the home. .

 

[Angela57]

Well, the Dols assesment took place and it’s now in place, the social worker met with mum, spoke with nurse and carers and suggested she applies for CHC funding.
She was assessed for the funding yesterday and the lady doing it said she def qualifies for the lower tier funding but to get the maximum she will need to get back to me after discussing it with the panel.
The nurse let slip that what started all this, my mother being asked to leave, was cos the care Home has now changed to being a nursing home without dementia care so they’ve slowly been moving dementia people out, since even the slightest behaviour problems cannot be deal with anymore.
Then late last night I got a call from the Home saying a family member of another resident visiting recently witnessed my mother being rough handled by 3 carers. This family member was with a health care professional so there’s also another witness and they will look into it. My heart just broke after I hung up. I was at work and couldn’t take a minute to myself.
I want her out of there. I want her taken care of, I want someone to find medication to stop her anger, her torment. I want her to be ok

Unfortunately, medication doesn't always stop anger and torment. My dad, 12 years into mixed dementia, was given many combinations of medication to prevent anger, but nothing has worked for him, he is now on end of life, but on the odd times he is responsive he still lashes out. I do hope they find medication that works for your mum, and that you eventually get peace of mind.

 

[Lima]

the annual DOLS assessment for my dad was done just a few days ago and the assessor spoke to me on the phone for far more then the 'have you got 5 minutes' she opened with - it was much more than a perfunctory check on whether dad wanted to be in the home - she asked a lot of questions about whether family agree on his care and how he is cared for - ending up that she will have a Parkinson's nurse come and check dad as she thinks he showed signs of being in pain (he's not, he is very anxious) and she also questioned the use of covert means to get dad to take his meds (GP well aware) insisting she will go back to GP and check with the pharmacist ..... all because she has to check what's done is in his best interests (wasn't a best interest 'meeting')
I was surprised, as I don't remember going into such detail last year and wonder if procedures are being tightened

 

[Lima]

Hi everyone, My friend Maria had a second DOLs assessment just last month while she was in hospital. I found out from a social worker friend that when a DOLS assessment is positive it means the PWD is assessed as no longer having capacity to make their own decisions regarding their care. At this point in law it falls to the next of kin to take on those decisions in conjunction with the CPN team and social worker assigned to the case.

As part of this process the 'best interests of the patient are paramount', and because of their lack of capacity each case should be assigned an IMCA - Independent Mental Health Advocate. This person is supposed to represent the patient in all decisions for her/his care. If you have not been assigned an IMCA you can demand one. It is a legal provision and social services have to comply with your request. Then at least you will not feel so alone in dealing with all this on your own. In general the IMCA's are very good and they actively seek the PWD's views and visit them frequently.

All the best,

Lima

 

[pitufi]

Unfortunately, medication doesn't always stop anger and torment. My dad, 12 years into mixed dementia, was given many combinations of medication to prevent anger, but nothing has worked for him, he is now on end of life, but on the odd times he is responsive he still lashes out. I do hope they find medication that works for your mum, and that you eventually get peace of mind.

Thank you Angela, i really hope so, she is so angry all the time, unless we bring the baby to say hello. i do think it stems from her childhood as she suffered violence from her mother, its something always bubbling under, when scared of feeling threatened she will always lash out.

 

[pitufi]

I thought an update would be in order

mom is now in a smaller nursing home. we moved her last week and as expected she wasnt happy about it. she kept saying she wasnt consulted, she didnt like the deceit and was about to start lashing out so we left quickly. i havent had the courage to visit since. i will be going later today, i called ahead and they warned me she was still asleep cos she hadnt had a good night, up walking and angry at anyone asking to assist her...

about 6 weeks before leaving her old care home, they called me to say that there had been a report from a visiting relative that my mother was roughly handled by 3 carers. they told me theyd look into it and get abck to me, i was upset by this and waited even though mom was due to leave anyway. i emailed the lady back 2 weeks ago and no response, radio silence. i dont know if theres anything to gain by chasing this, do i escalate and ask for a manager to look into this, leave it since mom has now moved out? theres still a lot to sort out and not sure i can face chasing this, but ill give myself time to work it out.

the new nursing home seems nice, the manager is also a nurse and she seems much MUCH kinder than any of the nurses in the old home (only one Filipino one seemd nice, the other two i regularly saw walking around were downright horrible and uncaring, mom did not like them) its smaller and quite a timewarp decor wise, but everyone there looked well fed, well looked after, well turned out with nice hair and clean clothes and seemed happy. there was a couple of residents walking around, one was clearly the lovely clown and all the nurses love him, mom being a natural teacher's pet will probably clash with him but i will discuss that with the manager soon.

the home is farther away but the social worker seemed to think that mom would flourish in a small home and i agreed. i guess it will take her a couple of months ot settle into it, in the meantime i have to battle to go visit, this last year has been horrible for my mental health and find it harder and harder to visit, to see the anguish and decline, its selfish of me but im trying to be kind to myself and allow me to be scared and saddend by my mothers condition.

for me, almost always, it goes back to the anger felt by the lack of resources for those suffering from alzheimers and their loved ones.

 

[Angela57]

I thought an update would be in order

mom is now in a smaller nursing home. we moved her last week and as expected she wasnt happy about it. she kept saying she wasnt consulted, she didnt like the deceit and was about to start lashing out so we left quickly. i havent had the courage to visit since. i will be going later today, i called ahead and they warned me she was still asleep cos she hadnt had a good night, up walking and angry at anyone asking to assist her...

about 6 weeks before leaving her old care home, they called me to say that there had been a report from a visiting relative that my mother was roughly handled by 3 carers. they told me theyd look into it and get abck to me, i was upset by this and waited even though mom was due to leave anyway. i emailed the lady back 2 weeks ago and no response, radio silence. i dont know if theres anything to gain by chasing this, do i escalate and ask for a manager to look into this, leave it since mom has now moved out? theres still a lot to sort out and not sure i can face chasing this, but ill give myself time to work it out.

the new nursing home seems nice, the manager is also a nurse and she seems much MUCH kinder than any of the nurses in the old home (only one Filipino one seemd nice, the other two i regularly saw walking around were downright horrible and uncaring, mom did not like them) its smaller and quite a timewarp decor wise, but everyone there looked well fed, well looked after, well turned out with nice hair and clean clothes and seemed happy. there was a couple of residents walking around, one was clearly the lovely clown and all the nurses love him, mom being a natural teacher's pet will probably clash with him but i will discuss that with the manager soon.

the home is farther away but the social worker seemed to think that mom would flourish in a small home and i agreed. i guess it will take her a couple of months ot settle into it, in the meantime i have to battle to go visit, this last year has been horrible for my mental health and find it harder and harder to visit, to see the anguish and decline, its selfish of me but im trying to be kind to myself and allow me to be scared and saddend by my mothers condition.

for me, almost always, it goes back to the anger felt by the lack of resources for those suffering from alzheimers and their loved ones.

I would definitely chase the rough handling, for your mum's sake and the other residents in there if it is could be true @pitiful, because they could be suffering from rough handling also, and there is no excuse for it. Keep your email as evidence. I'm not sure where you should start with this, but I would mail again explaining that if you do not get a reply, you will contact social services and cqc. Your mum should never have to experience that, nor other residents in any home.

I feel for you when you are worried about your own mental health because seeing your mum affects you TOO MUCH, I'm exactly the same, so you're not alone. I would go so far as to say that I'm actually scared of my mum, and was scared of my dad too for many years.

Take care, Ang