Missing Dad Today Especially!

[MaNaAk]

Hello Everyone!

Anyone who read my thread about Council Tax will know that I am off colour anyway I had an awful night with an aching back so I decided to go to the doctor. However when I got up and went into dad's room to open the curtains (I have been opening them and closing them as if he was still here) and felt very upset because I saw his picture and remembered him offering me lifts to the surgery and even when he had mild Alzheimers and was no longer able to drive he was offering to come with me because I accompanied him to all his appointments. It got too much knowing that if mum had been around she'd be shocked to see the state of my back! Anyway I went to the surgery at 8.00 am and got an appointment for 11.20 am and yes I went shopping in the meantime because it would have meant that I would have had nothing to eat (this was before I had a confirmation of the diagnosis). When I returned for 11.20 am I was told I had shingles and I felt upset when I told my brothers partner that it's at times like this that I really miss dad. They were wondering why I was feeling like this and of course the reason is because they haven't been around to see dad offering to come to my appointments with me and even in the care home the other residents say that he tends to ask for me. Well I will miss him this week because I can't go in with shingles but my brother is saying that he is going to take dad for a drive so that is a bonus.

Today is a sad day but I know that dad has settled into his home very well.

MaNaAk

 

[MaNaAk]

I suppose I will miss dad even more in the winter months as I live on my own. Here's hoping my back is better tonight.

MaNaAk

 

[LynneMcV]

I am sorry to hear that you have shingles, you must be feeling very down and poorly.

I can understand you missing having your dad around and remembering back to those times when he could give you support when you were unwell. We all appreciate having someone around at such times. And yes, the winter months can be very lonely and drawn out.

I hope that you are on the road to recovery soon. It is lovely to hear that your brother is going to be taking your dad out for a drive. I know you find the thought of not visiting your father hard but I am glad that you can at least take the time you need to recover properly, knowing that dad is safe and cared for.

 

[Izzy]

I’m sorry to hear of how things are. I’m glad your brother will take your dad out.

Wishing you a speedy recovery.

 

[witts1973]

Hello Everyone!

Anyone who read my thread about Council Tax will know that I am off colour anyway I had an awful night with an aching back so I decided to go to the doctor. However when I got up and went into dad's room to open the curtains (I have been opening them and closing them as if he was still here) and felt very upset because I saw his picture and remembered him offering me lifts to the surgery and even when he had mild Alzheimers and was no longer able to drive he was offering to come with me because I accompanied him to all his appointments. It got too much knowing that if mum had been around she'd be shocked to see the state of my back! Anyway I went to the surgery at 8.00 am and got an appointment for 11.20 am and yes I went shopping in the meantime because it would have meant that I would have had nothing to eat (this was before I had a confirmation of the diagnosis). When I returned for 11.20 am I was told I had shingles and I felt upset when I told my brothers partner that it's at times like this that I really miss dad. They were wondering why I was feeling like this and of course the reason is because they haven't been around to see dad offering to come to my appointments with me and even in the care home the other residents say that he tends to ask for me. Well I will miss him this week because I can't go in with shingles but my brother is saying that he is going to take dad for a drive so that is a bonus.

Today is a sad day but I know that dad has settled into his home very well.

MaNaAk

I hope your back feels better soon,your Dad sounds lovely

 

[jugglingmum]

Sorry to hear you have shingles, I hope they aren't too painful for too long.

I do read your threads, just too busy juggling (mainly kids but also mum) to reply most of the time. You have done so well to look after your dad, and made a good decision about a care home.

 

[Lindy50]

Hi @MaNaAk
I’m sorry to hear you’ve been feeling unwell and now find you have shingles. It’s a double whammy that you can’t see your dad! Good that your brother will take him out though
I hope you can take the time you need to get better and that you’ll be able to see your dad again soon.
All the best
Lindy xx

 

[looviloo]

Big hugs to you @MaNaAk... I hope you feel better soon. I've never had shingles but did have chickenpox as an adult and it took ages to get over it. You must be quite run down, which is hardly surprising.

Missing dad is totally understandable. It's been a big change for everyone. My dad's been in a care home for 3 years now and I've had time to get used to it, but I still miss the days when he'd ask about me, or introduce me proudly to everyone he met! Now he's too far along the dementia pathway to think about anyone but himself. It's so sad :-(.

Look after yourself x

 

[MaNaAk]

Thankyou everyone for your best wishes!

Last night was a bit better and today I feel that my temperature has gone down. I have an underactive thyroid which the doctor said was shown to be fluctuating in a blood test in July and I am awaiting the results of another one so this could be one reason why I have shingles. However
most of my friends have been saying that it couldbe down to the stress of caring so eventhough dad's been in the home for three months it could be that my system is starting to relax from being a carer and I have heard of people becoming ill after all the stress has gone. This reinforces the fact that we carers must try to look after ourselves as well. I also wonder whether this latest chapter is coming home to my brothers maybe they'll help me out around the house or garden or go and see dad. So far my youngest brother has visited me on his way to Kent and promised to take dad out and my sister-in-law of my other brother has phoned twice and this brother has spoken about coming to do the garden. You must all look after yourselves and juggling-mum I hope you have some help if you are also looking after children.

I have been told that shingles is contagious until the lumps form a crust which could take almost a week so my fresh start to a new term after caring for dad has put myself and my Piano and Violin pupils back a week. However I would rather not infect everyoneso it's best to stay safe rather than sorry.

Thankyou all once again and I have been giving virtual hugs to everyone not just here on talking point because I am contagious and no one can put their arms around me!

MaNaAk

PS: The home have said that whilst dad didn't have any sleep either the other night he has been happy with his friends and admirers.

 

[Jale]

Sending some hugs your way - hope you feel better soon

 

[MaNaAk]

Sending some hugs your way - hope you feel better soon

Thankyou Jale! I'm slightly better today and my sleeping is better.

Hugs to you as well

MaNaAk

 

[Hazara8]

Thankyou everyone for your best wishes!

Last night was a bit better and today I feel that my temperature has gone down. I have an underactive thyroid which the doctor said was shown to be fluctuating in a blood test in July and I am awaiting the results of another one so this could be one reason why I have shingles. However
most of my friends have been saying that it couldbe down to the stress of caring so eventhough dad's been in the home for three months it could be that my system is starting to relax from being a carer and I have heard of people becoming ill after all the stress has gone. This reinforces the fact that we carers must try to look after ourselves as well. I also wonder whether this latest chapter is coming home to my brothers maybe they'll help me out around the house or garden or go and see dad. So far my youngest brother has visited me on his way to Kent and promised to take dad out and my sister-in-law of my other brother has phoned twice and this brother has spoken about coming to do the garden. You must all look after yourselves and juggling-mum I hope you have some help if you are also looking after children.

I have been told that shingles is contagious until the lumps form a crust which could take almost a week so my fresh start to a new term after caring for dad has put myself and my Piano and Violin pupils back a week. However I would rather not infect everyoneso it's best to stay safe rather than sorry.

Thankyou all once again and I have been giving virtual hugs to everyone not just here on talking point because I am contagious and no one can put their arms around me!

MaNaAk

PS: The home have said that whilst dad didn't have any sleep either the other night he has been happy with his friends and admirers.

I too experienced shingles whilst caring for my late mother. Frankly, the discomfort then did not concern me, as the caring (Alzheimer's) experience outweighed everything else. Also, living with an underactive thyroid did not help. Mood swings and the whole metabolism affected, the psychological end of it - made for some rather awful days. But you say that you father is happy in the Care Home. That is a huge plus. And yes, the post caring stage can be as exhausting as the actual caring, albeit with different feelings. It remains an absolute truism that unless you have played out that role of Carer with a loved one with dementia, you cannot really have a handle on the 'reality' of that role. It changes things and changes them for ever.

with good wishes

 

[MaNaAk]

I too experienced shingles whilst caring for my late mother. Frankly, the discomfort then did not concern me, as the caring (Alzheimer's) experience outweighed everything else. Also, living with an underactive thyroid did not help. Mood swings and the whole metabolism affected, the psychological end of it - made for some rather awful days. But you say that you father is happy in the Care Home. That is a huge plus. And yes, the post caring stage can be as exhausting as the actual caring, albeit with different feelings. It remains an absolute truism that unless you have played out that role of Carer with a loved one with dementia, you cannot really have a handle on the 'reality' of that role. It changes things and changes them for ever.

with good wishes

Thankyou Hazara!

The doctor phoned to say that my thyroid was okay today so that's good and the shingles is getting there. It was good that my youngest brother took dad out yesterday and that my other brother (the one who is showing a belated and misunderstood interest in dad's POA and at one point his will)*
is showing an interest in helping me with the gardening. However until they become carers themselves they will not understand what it entails.

Best wishes to you

MaNaAk

PS:* Last sunday's phonecall when I was obviously coming down with shingles did my head in!

 

[Rolypoly]

I’ve been off TP for awhile as life with dementia here has been pretty busy. I’ve only just managed to update my thread and start catching up with others. Sorry to hear you are suffering with shingles. I hope you feel better soon. Good to hear that your dad is still enjoying the home. Sending a get well hug your way.

 

[MaNaAk]

I’ve been off TP for awhile as life with dementia here has been pretty busy. I’ve only just managed to update my thread and start catching up with others. Sorry to hear you are suffering with shingles. I hope you feel better soon. Good to hear that your dad is still enjoying the home. Sending a get well hug your way.

Thankyou Roly! I'm getting there but I do know how busy life can be with dementia and I'm sending my best wishes to you.

MaNaAk

PSad has a second female admirere but they did have a bit of a tiff because they both wanted to use the toilet at the same time with the results of dad being in the toilet and his friend pushing the door with her walking frame!

 

[MaNaAk]

Thankyou Roly! I'm getting there but I do know how busy life can be with dementia and I'm sending my best wishes to you.

MaNaAk

PSad has a second female admirere but they did have a bit of a tiff because they both wanted to use the toilet at the same time with the results of dad being in the toilet and his friend pushing the door with her walking frame!

Dear Roly,

Sorry I don't know how the emoji got there!

MaNaAk

 

[Rolypoly]

Dear Roly,

Sorry I don't know how the emoji got there!

MaNaAk

Lol .

 

[Rolypoly]

Thankyou Roly! I'm getting there but I do know how busy life can be with dementia and I'm sending my best wishes to you.

MaNaAk

PSad has a second female admirere but they did have a bit of a tiff because they both wanted to use the toilet at the same time with the results of dad being in the toilet and his friend pushing the door with her walking frame!

Thank you.

He obviously decided his need was greater than hers so ladies first went out the window!

 

[MaNaAk]

Thank you.

He obviously decided his need was greater than hers so ladies first went out the window!

Dear Roly,

Believe me the ladies in this care home aren't bothered about the men being in the toilets either. Every room has an ensuite but the manageress says that they are trying to build another toilet block because of the constant traffic jam. If you are resident without dementia it must be a nuisance because there are no locks on the doors (to stop people locking themselves in) but those that have dementia are not bothered with queing and end up having a tiff. This is why the carers say it is like a playground!

MaNaAk