Update on Mum

[Libby]

It’s been a few months since I last posted, but thought I’d keep those who know about Mum up to date.

Sadly, she had to be moved into the EMI section of the home just over a week ago – I’d like to say it was a lovely place, but sadly it’s not The smell is the first thing that hits, as soon as you enter the corridor. I’ve only visited 3 times, but if it still smells next time I go in, I’m going to have to say something. Surely in this day and age, they must have something they can spray to take away the odour!!

Whereas Mum used to spend a lot of time on her own in her room before, now, they have them all in the lounge and I find this quite hard to deal with. I have to take Mum for a walk up and down the corridor or take her to her room – then I feel guilty for not being able to deal with other dementia sufferers.

However, she’s actually had her hair cut short, and I can’t believe what a difference it makes – she actually looks like my old mum now, so I was really pleased with them for that.

She was terribly confused at the weekend, and seemed a little bit dopey – her medication hasn’t been changed – but the staff have said that unfortunately, some of the other residents tend to wander at night, and Mum may be getting disturbed by them, and not sleeping properly.

I’ll see how she is next time I visit.

Libs

 

[Grannie G]

Hello Libby

I`m afraid your post brought back sad memories for me. I can assure you a deodorant or air freshener is not the answer to making the smell of an unclean care home more acceptable. If I think back to the first home my mother was in I can still smell the sickly odour of Lily of the Valley air freshener. What that home needs is sunshine , fresh air , soap and water.

It is hard to deal with other residents in an EMI unit, but try to remember they are, or were, someone`s husband, wife, mother or father. They once brought up families and held down responsible jobs. None of them ever thought for one minute they would end their lives in an EMI Unit.

I hope it will soon become a little bit easier for you.

Love xx

 

[sad nell]

lingering odours

My Trev stays at 2 different homes, 1 for day care , 2nd for respite, the respite home council run is very clean and never smells, the second which he attends 2 days a week has this offensive smell which stays with me for hours, I always shower and change all clothing once i bring Trev home, sometimes on journey home i have to open all windows or i would be feeling ill. I now trev can cotribut I to this since he is doubley incontinent,but my home does not have this lingering smell that perminats every thing I think it might be down to having carpeting and 20 incontinent patients but since Trev seems reasoanbly happy there for a few hours i think the floor covering is not there number 1 prioity,and since he ran away from beautiful new centre, i think i will just tolerate the smell.It does not bother Trev at all and perhaps o am just paranoid
Pam

 

[Margaret W]

Just to say we rejected within seconds a care home for my mum cos of the smell, and the sticky feeling on the stair rail. Plus the toilets that smacked of station toilets and were foul-smelling too. And we were advised to consider this home cos it had great, enthusiastic staff. We never saw any staff at all.

Love Margaret

 

[Margaret W]

Dear Sad Nell,I suppose you have to put with less than perfect if your husband is looked after well in other ways. I am commenting on a permanent care home. Different things at the time

Love

Mrgaret

 

[christine_batch]

Unfortunately going in a E.M.I. Unit is far from pleasant.

All I can be thankfully for is the Unit Peter is in is always clean and no lingering smells at all.

There really is no need for C.H. to have that terrible smell and it was one of the things I first noticed visiting a previous Home. So no way was Peter going there.

What happens when Inspectors go in? Do they smell any smell at all ? As this is quite a common problem and our loved ones are expected to live there.. It is unacceptable for our loved ones.

Christine

 

[DianeB]

Libby I can fully understand your comments when you say

"Whereas Mum used to spend a lot of time on her own in her room before, now, they have them all in the lounge and I find this quite hard to deal with. I have to take Mum for a walk up and down the corridor or take her to her room – then I feel guilty for not being able to deal with other dementia sufferers."

My Mums home has 2 rooms, so it is not so bad, but we still prefer to spend our time in her bedroom, without the added distraction of outside noises etc. Mum has tinitus and finds its difficult to understand or respond if she can hear other noises. I also find it disturbing seeing other residents, and this is being totally honest, maybe its because you are faced with other residents that are in later stages of dementia than Mum is, and is heart wrenching seeing what you own loved one could be like in the future. However like it has been said by Grannie here, they are somebody elses mother father husband wife or grandparent, and when I pass any of them, wether in the corridoor or room, I will always say hello and be friendly, as that is what I would wish for other visitors to be like to my Mum.
If the weather is nice I get Mum in a wheelchair and take her for a walk, these walks to us both are very special and gives Mum some fresh air, which I know does her good.
With regards to the smell, yes I would do exactly as you are intending ans say something. Mums home only has carpet in the reception and bedrooms, although its a harder floor to hit should she have a fall, I am sure because there isn't any carpets as such thats why there is no smell plus they are forever cleaning. The bathrooms don't have that smell either.

 

[sunray]

six years in a dementia lodge

My Mum has been six years in a Dementia specific Nursing Home, called a Dementia Lodge here. I put her there as she was living with me when my husband had his fourth stroke and the doctor said I could not continue to look after both of them, my husband with multiple deficits due to strokes and my Mum with Alzheimers.

Like others I hated the idea of "putting my Mum into a home" and so at first found fault with the place she was in. But after a few months, when the surroundings became familiar, the staff friendly (my Mum has become a favourite with some of them) I realised that "home is where the heart is". So where Mum was began to feel home-like to me.

I have befriended as many of the other residents as I can, I know their names, the names of their visitors who are there as the same two days I visit. I take an interest in the staff members and comment on any changes I see that I approve of. This is my Mum's "home" now and so I try to think of it like that.

My Mum is just a walking shell now, no language, no emotions, nothing much to show that she thinks or feels. But she is still my darling Mum and I want to spend time with her, wherever she is.

 

[fearful fiona]

Dear Libby,

I feel for you having gone this route myself. No EMI unit is a nice place and it is awful seeing loved ones there.

There shouldn't be a smell issue. Mum's home doesn't smell, but just occasionally there is a little pong where I suspect one of the residents has had a "little accident", but it is not often. When I was visiting homes last year, I was very put off by what seemed to be quite a nice home because it reeked of air freshener and I thought "what else are they hiding?"

One of my priorities is making sure my Mum always has a nice hair cut. She is very confused in all things but this seems really to cheer her up. I have found a lovely mobile hairdresser who is always chatty with her and in fact this haidresser has now been offered a contract with the home. Not because she does a good cut (which she does) but more importantly because of her manner with the residents.

I too have found it helps to befriend the other residents because they are someone else's family too and I'm always touched when another visitor comes in and greets my Mum by name because they are doing the same. None of the residents in the home chose to have this awful illness and whatever their behaviour is now they deserve our friendship and respect.

 

[Libby]

Thanks for your replies

but try to remember they are, or were, someone`s husband, wife, mother or father. They once brought up families and held down responsible jobs. None of them ever thought for one minute they would end their lives in an EMI Unit.

I'm only too well aware of this and always smile and say hello when I pass others - I would never dream of doing otherwise. But it doesn't stop me from feeling uncomfortable and then feeling guilty for feeling this way.

Some people ooze empaphy - I don't - no matter how I try, it just doesn't come naturally to me at all.

I also find it disturbing seeing other residents, and this is being totally honest, maybe its because you are faced with other residents that are in later stages of dementia than Mum is, and is heart wrenching seeing what you own loved one could be like in the future.

I think you've possibly hit the nail on the head there DianeB - some of the residents are in the later stages, and have lost recognizable speech - I dread Mum being like that.

I know she would have hated to end her days with Alzheimers, yet it's the Alzheimers that is keeping this knowledge from her!

Thanks again for your comments - it's so hard for people outside of Alzheimers to understand, so it's really helpful to talk to others who have been down the same route.

Libs