The end for Dad

[Ciderboy]

Hi all,

Apologies if there's too much information in this - it's just nice to have the opportunity to put all of my thoughts down in writing.

I've hardly posted on Talking Point but have regularly read the posts here to help me to understand this cruel disease.

Dad was diagnosed with Alzheimers about 9 years ago but we're sure he was suffering from it for at least three years before that.

Four years ago he got pneumonia and we were told to prepare to say goodbye. Amazingly he got through it but, in the time he was in hospital, he forgot how to walk.

I persuaded mum to buy a second hand wheelchair adapted vehicle and have used that to take Dad out as often as I could so he wasn't just stuck in the house (Mum doesn't drive).

On Saturday we were planning to do the Bristol Memory Walk - I was going to push Dad around in his wheelchair as I've done before.

His carers were hoisting him into his wheelchair when he cried out in pain and then went into a massive seizure.

We called 999 and the ambulance crew were amazing - particularly as we informed them straight away that we had a DNR in place (Dad was unable to do anything for himself).

My sister arrived at this point and we decided that I should continue with the Memory Walk so she dropped me at the start before following the ambulance to the hospital.

I've done a number of different things over the years but this 4.km walk over flat ground was the most difficult thing I've ever had to do. However, I felt I owed it to everybody who had sponsored me.

Once I finished the walk I walked to the hospital and it now seems like I'm constantly there.

Yesterday we were told that this was it - mainly because he can no longer swallow.

Today all of the final bits were put into place with a move to a private room and a a syringe pump fitted to him to handle his drugs.

Part of me wishes he had gone whilst led on the floor in his house, part of me just doesn't want him to go.

Mum is in a terrible state and I'm having to stay strong so I can support her when all I want to do is burst into tears every five minutes..

I have to say that my wife is being fantastic - staying both close and distant depending on my mood.

Hopefully the end will come sooner rather than later.

Really sorry for the rambling - I just HATE this awful disease.

 

[LadyA]

Sorry to hear you have reached this stage, but I can understand that at the same time, there are feelings of hoping, for his own sake, that your dad won't linger long. It sounds like you are part of an incredibly supportive family, which is fantastic. Wishing you all strength for the coming days.

 

[Izzy]

Not rambling at all. I'm so very sorry to read about your dad. I hope it has helped, even just a little, to share it here.

You were so braved to do that Memory Walk.

Wishing you and your family all the strength in the world and wishing your dad a much deserved peace.

 

[Jezzer]

Hi all,

Apologies if there's too much information in this - it's just nice to have the opportunity to put all of my thoughts down in writing.

I've hardly posted on Talking Point but have regularly read the posts here to help me to understand this cruel disease.

Dad was diagnosed with Alzheimers about 9 years ago but we're sure he was suffering from it for at least three years before that.

Four years ago he got pneumonia and we were told to prepare to say goodbye. Amazingly he got through it but, in the time he was in hospital, he forgot how to walk.

I persuaded mum to buy a second hand wheelchair adapted vehicle and have used that to take Dad out as often as I could so he wasn't just stuck in the house (Mum doesn't drive).

On Saturday we were planning to do the Bristol Memory Walk - I was going to push Dad around in his wheelchair as I've done before.

His carers were hoisting him into his wheelchair when he cried out in pain and then went into a massive seizure.

We called 999 and the ambulance crew were amazing - particularly as we informed them straight away that we had a DNR in place (Dad was unable to do anything for himself).

My sister arrived at this point and we decided that I should continue with the Memory Walk so she dropped me at the start before following the ambulance to the hospital.

I've done a number of different things over the years but this 4.km walk over flat ground was the most difficult thing I've ever had to do. However, I felt I owed it to everybody who had sponsored me.

Once I finished the walk I walked to the hospital and it now seems like I'm constantly there.

Yesterday we were told that this was it - mainly because he can no longer swallow.

Today all of the final bits were put into place with a move to a private room and a a syringe pump fitted to him to handle his drugs.

Part of me wishes he had gone whilst led on the floor in his house, part of me just doesn't want him to go.

Mum is in a terrible state and I'm having to stay strong so I can support her when all I want to do is burst into tears every five minutes..

I have to say that my wife is being fantastic - staying both close and distant depending on my mood.

Hopefully the end will come sooner rather than later.

Really sorry for the rambling - I just HATE this awful disease.

papologise
Please do not apologise. You have not rambled at all. I am so sorry. The medication should help your dad so that he will be as comfortable as possible. My mum is nearing this stage - it truly is an awful, hateful disease. My thoughts are with you all.

 

[Amy in the US]

Oh, @Ciderboy, I am so sorry. Don't worry about how often you have or haven't posted here, or if you think you're rambling. It's all fine and no worries, please.

This must be such a difficult time for you and your family and I am so sorry. The last vigil is not an easy one, to be sure. I am glad your wife is supportive for you. Don't hesitate to post here, or not, as you need. This is the most hateful disease I know.

Wishing peace and strength to you all.

 

[Hazara8]

Hi all,

Apologies if there's too much information in this - it's just nice to have the opportunity to put all of my thoughts down in writing.

I've hardly posted on Talking Point but have regularly read the posts here to help me to understand this cruel disease.

Dad was diagnosed with Alzheimers about 9 years ago but we're sure he was suffering from it for at least three years before that.

Four years ago he got pneumonia and we were told to prepare to say goodbye. Amazingly he got through it but, in the time he was in hospital, he forgot how to walk.

I persuaded mum to buy a second hand wheelchair adapted vehicle and have used that to take Dad out as often as I could so he wasn't just stuck in the house (Mum doesn't drive).

On Saturday we were planning to do the Bristol Memory Walk - I was going to push Dad around in his wheelchair as I've done before.

His carers were hoisting him into his wheelchair when he cried out in pain and then went into a massive seizure.

We called 999 and the ambulance crew were amazing - particularly as we informed them straight away that we had a DNR in place (Dad was unable to do anything for himself).

My sister arrived at this point and we decided that I should continue with the Memory Walk so she dropped me at the start before following the ambulance to the hospital.

I've done a number of different things over the years but this 4.km walk over flat ground was the most difficult thing I've ever had to do. However, I felt I owed it to everybody who had sponsored me.

Once I finished the walk I walked to the hospital and it now seems like I'm constantly there.

Yesterday we were told that this was it - mainly because he can no longer swallow.

Today all of the final bits were put into place with a move to a private room and a a syringe pump fitted to him to handle his drugs.

Part of me wishes he had gone whilst led on the floor in his house, part of me just doesn't want him to go.

Mum is in a terrible state and I'm having to stay strong so I can support her when all I want to do is burst into tears every five minutes..

I have to say that my wife is being fantastic - staying both close and distant depending on my mood.

Hopefully the end will come sooner rather than later.

Really sorry for the rambling - I just HATE this awful disease.

Yes, I understand your feelings about if your father had gone 'whilst led on the floor in his house..' The atmosphere in a hospital at these times, tends to add weight to the general sense of despair. It is never an ideal situation. The visits are laden with all manner of thoughts and feelings and when you leave again, a yawning chasm of what seems like a perpetual cycle of expectation and remorse. And a father/son relationship is very special - especially when you become a kind of 'father' as carer in waiting. But like a mother, or father - or parents per se - that bond is intact and nothing can change that. Not ever. And tears will come and nothing should stem that either. There are tears of joy and tears of sorrow and at times they converge and shed a kind of extraordinary light upon the human condition, negate all that has little meaning and express that part of the soul which no one can touch. That very, very special and unique relationship which belongs to you and your father and which cannot be harmed in any way. The dementia journey with a loved one, is one of the most challenging and at times, exceedingly cruel in its outcome. You have clearly taken that journey and CARED in the process. There is genuine comfort in that, because it is true and not wished for nor reflected upon, but has taken place. The following days or weeks will test emotions and all the reserves and all the experience that an individual holds in their own 'history'. But above all, remains the fact that one has been there and one has cared to the best of one's abilities. That merits another kind of comfort - that of love. And nothing can harm that. Not now or evermore.

 

[LynneMcV]

I am so sorry that you and your family must now face this stage - it is such a difficult time.

I am full of admiration for you completing the memory walk - such a fantastic tribute to your father and much needed fundraising to help find a way to battle this devastating disease for those that follow.

You sound like a strong and supportive family and this will help you all enormously now and in the days ahead.

We are here for you whenever you wish to talk about what is happening. I am sending you and yours strength - and wishing peace and calm to your father.

 

[Kikki21]

First of all well done for completing the walk for your Dad & others. That was so brave.
And yes I totally get what you are saying. My mum had a massive seizure last December upon an unsafe discharge back at her home having been hospitalised for a chest infection. It was just before Christmas & the hospital were trying to get as many people back home as possible.

She was released with one of her carers at the house & if that carer had not been there then she would have fallen & hit her head on any amount of furniture as the carer heard a noise & rushed into the lounge & stopped her falling.
She rang for an ambulance & then rang me - I just wish my mum would have succumbed then.

She had several more smaller seizures at home, in the hospital & once at the care home & this has severely declined her dementia & basically mentally although she can talk, she is deemed not to have capacity.

I hope your Dad will find peace soon.

 

[MaNaAk]

Hi all,

Apologies if there's too much information in this - it's just nice to have the opportunity to put all of my thoughts down in writing.

I've hardly posted on Talking Point but have regularly read the posts here to help me to understand this cruel disease.

Dad was diagnosed with Alzheimers about 9 years ago but we're sure he was suffering from it for at least three years before that.

Four years ago he got pneumonia and we were told to prepare to say goodbye. Amazingly he got through it but, in the time he was in hospital, he forgot how to walk.

I persuaded mum to buy a second hand wheelchair adapted vehicle and have used that to take Dad out as often as I could so he wasn't just stuck in the house (Mum doesn't drive).

On Saturday we were planning to do the Bristol Memory Walk - I was going to push Dad around in his wheelchair as I've done before.

His carers were hoisting him into his wheelchair when he cried out in pain and then went into a massive seizure.

We called 999 and the ambulance crew were amazing - particularly as we informed them straight away that we had a DNR in place (Dad was unable to do anything for himself).

My sister arrived at this point and we decided that I should continue with the Memory Walk so she dropped me at the start before following the ambulance to the hospital.

I've done a number of different things over the years but this 4.km walk over flat ground was the most difficult thing I've ever had to do. However, I felt I owed it to everybody who had sponsored me.

Once I finished the walk I walked to the hospital and it now seems like I'm constantly there.

Yesterday we were told that this was it - mainly because he can no longer swallow.

Today all of the final bits were put into place with a move to a private room and a a syringe pump fitted to him to handle his drugs.

Part of me wishes he had gone whilst led on the floor in his house, part of me just doesn't want him to go.

Mum is in a terrible state and I'm having to stay strong so I can support her when all I want to do is burst into tears every five minutes..

I have to say that my wife is being fantastic - staying both close and distant depending on my mood.

Hopefully the end will come sooner rather than later.

Really sorry for the rambling - I just HATE this awful disease.

Thinking of you at this time Ciderboy!

Try to think that your dad is peaceful and of course you will have to look out for your mum. However you must look after yourself as well.

Thinking of you and hugs to you

MaNaAk

 

[Selinacroft]

Ciderboy, I am sorry to read that your father is nearing the end , there is little I can say to make this time easier but I really just wanted to congratulate you for completing the memory walk at such a time. Your Dad must surely be very proud of you indeed.

 

[Ciderboy]

Hi again all,
Many, many thanks for all of your kind words.

Just thought I would let you know that Dad finally passed away on Sunday night and is now finally free of this horrendous disease.

 

[Canadian Joanne]

I'm sorry to heard this but I hope it was a peaceful passing. My condolences to you and your family.

 

[try again]

Sorry for your loss.

 

[Spamar]

Sorry for you, Ciderboy.

 

[Jezzer]

Hi again all,
Many, many thanks for all of your kind words.

Just thought I would let you know that Dad finally passed away on Sunday night and is now finally free of this horrendous disease.

Exactly a week since my mum passed so my heart goes out to you. Great sadness but as you so rightly say, your dad is now free of this dreadful disease and I hope you can take some comfort from that. However old we are, the loss of a parent is so hard. Sending my love to you, your mum and all those who loved your dear dad. Take care Jan xxx

 

[Izzy]

I'm so sorry to hear your news @Ciderboy. Wishing you strength.

 

[stanleypj]

Very sorry to hear this sad news.

 

[Amy in the US]

Ciderboy, I am sorry to hear your news. Please accept my condolences.

 

[Babymare01]

I am so sorry for your lost. condolences to you, your mum and family x

 

[LynneMcV]

Sorry for your loss. My sincere condolences to you and your family.