A dreadful couple of days
- Thread starter Marnie63
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Oh, Marnie. Thank you for letting us know. Please accept my condolences. I imagine everything is surreal at the moment. Please be as kind to yourself as you can.
Dear Marnie
What wonderful love and care you have given your dear Mum. And now she is free of all her suffering. May you find continued strength in the days ahead. You must be exhausted. You have been amazing. I am thinking about you. With Love Jan
Dear Marnie your post is so poignant and very, very touching and dignified, thank you.
I'm so glad you have your friends around you, the empty house is the hardest thing isn't it.
Hope you managed to sleep. That surreal feeling will help you get through the arrangements for your Mum's funeral and all the other "stuff".
Lots of love to you, thinking of you and hope all these lovely posts on here are helping xxx
I'm so glad you have your friends around you, the empty house is the hardest thing isn't it.
Hope you managed to sleep. That surreal feeling will help you get through the arrangements for your Mum's funeral and all the other "stuff".
Lots of love to you, thinking of you and hope all these lovely posts on here are helping xxx
Dear Marnie
You were such a devoted daughter, your Mom was very lucky to have such a kind, caring and loving daughter.
I know you must be hurting.
I once said to my Mom that I wished I had a daughter to love me as much as I loved her. Well your Mom had you, and you had your Mom
.... you were so lucky to have each other.
With much love to you Marnie,
Love Bxx
You were such a devoted daughter, your Mom was very lucky to have such a kind, caring and loving daughter.
I know you must be hurting.
I once said to my Mom that I wished I had a daughter to love me as much as I loved her. Well your Mom had you, and you had your Mom
.... you were so lucky to have each other.
With much love to you Marnie,
Love Bxx
It was a really strange night. I was OK, but only slept on and off and was almost 'shaking' slightly all night. Maybe it's because I was so, so tired and maybe I had too much caffeine in the form of many cups of tea at the hospital yesterday!
This morning I phoned the bank, Pension people, etc. and closed everything off, there wasn't really much to do, I thought I would do it that way and then I can concentrate on the funeral arrangements. No call from the hospital today to say the cause of death certificate is ready, so hopefully they'll call tomorrow and I can collect and at least register mum's death. I then need to co-ordinate to be back at the mortuary door (the one with the big chains and padlock!) when the FDs come to collect mum - they are coming from another county where she will be buried with Dad. I need to pass them the papers so the hospital releases mum's body to them and I will give them some clothes as well so they can take those with mum.
I can't decide whether to have one more quick look at mum at the hospital or whether to leave it until she's with the FD. The FD said they will not allow a viewing unless she's embalmed, and I'm not sure I want any more 'stuff' done to her body, but if it's the only way I can see her again, then may have to accept that. Maybe I'm overthinking it.
The funeral cannot be until early October as the priest I want is away for a while. I really want him to conduct the service as I know he'll do it well. The service will not be in English, and I've had to find a Catholic church in the area for the funeral to be held in. I am appalled that one of the churches I suggested to the FD have said no. Absolutely appalled - a church not letting someone in for a funeral service because I don't 'belong' to the church. They really endear themselves, don't they?! Fortunately another one in town will.
The house is strangely still. I popped round to neighbours today to tell them about mum. Hopefully I'll sleep a bit better tonight.
This morning I phoned the bank, Pension people, etc. and closed everything off, there wasn't really much to do, I thought I would do it that way and then I can concentrate on the funeral arrangements. No call from the hospital today to say the cause of death certificate is ready, so hopefully they'll call tomorrow and I can collect and at least register mum's death. I then need to co-ordinate to be back at the mortuary door (the one with the big chains and padlock!) when the FDs come to collect mum - they are coming from another county where she will be buried with Dad. I need to pass them the papers so the hospital releases mum's body to them and I will give them some clothes as well so they can take those with mum.
I can't decide whether to have one more quick look at mum at the hospital or whether to leave it until she's with the FD. The FD said they will not allow a viewing unless she's embalmed, and I'm not sure I want any more 'stuff' done to her body, but if it's the only way I can see her again, then may have to accept that. Maybe I'm overthinking it.
The funeral cannot be until early October as the priest I want is away for a while. I really want him to conduct the service as I know he'll do it well. The service will not be in English, and I've had to find a Catholic church in the area for the funeral to be held in. I am appalled that one of the churches I suggested to the FD have said no. Absolutely appalled - a church not letting someone in for a funeral service because I don't 'belong' to the church. They really endear themselves, don't they?! Fortunately another one in town will.
The house is strangely still. I popped round to neighbours today to tell them about mum. Hopefully I'll sleep a bit better tonight.
I expect your head is still buzzing with all the things you have done/still need to do going round and round
I hope you will steep better tonight too.
(((((hugs)))))
I hope you will steep better tonight too.
(((((hugs)))))
Yes @Carmar I think you have it right, the last few days of mum's life were difficult and it just increased the 'hardship' level a few notches. I feel like my body is purging the stress, releasing all the burdens of looking after mum with dementia. Mum without it was a doddle, but with dementia, well you all know ….
I'm hoping to collect the paperwork from the hospital later today and maybe even register the death (how long does it take a doctor to sign a piece of paper?!). There won't be time for the FDs to collect her today but hope they will tomorrow, and that gives me tonight to ponder what to dress mum in. I'm going to try to not think about how the FDs will 'prepare' her, just focus on the fact that I WILL be able to see her again.
I find I'm still trying to do ten things at once, which of course I now don't need to, but super multi-tasking has been a part of my life for so long, I can't seem to be able to switch out of it!
I'm going to get dressed now, eat and slowly make my way over to the hospital and lurk around the Bereavement Office to get the paperwork asap. I just want mum out of there and with the FDs now.
I'm hoping to collect the paperwork from the hospital later today and maybe even register the death (how long does it take a doctor to sign a piece of paper?!). There won't be time for the FDs to collect her today but hope they will tomorrow, and that gives me tonight to ponder what to dress mum in. I'm going to try to not think about how the FDs will 'prepare' her, just focus on the fact that I WILL be able to see her again.
I find I'm still trying to do ten things at once, which of course I now don't need to, but super multi-tasking has been a part of my life for so long, I can't seem to be able to switch out of it!
I'm going to get dressed now, eat and slowly make my way over to the hospital and lurk around the Bereavement Office to get the paperwork asap. I just want mum out of there and with the FDs now.
I am also looking forward to my walking holiday in Wales at the end of October, which I can now go on and tomorrow I meet friends locally who are over from overseas. They spend every New Year in the Far East and I now am able to join them, so a trip to Malaysia is on the cards. At long, long last, nice things to look forward to.
I am so sad mum has died, but I am so glad I can be me again.
I am so sad mum has died, but I am so glad I can be me again.
...and that is a very positive way to think of this period..your walking trip sounds great and meeting with friends in far flung places sounds a good plan. Hope the days of organising ahead go smoothly...I remember those heady days when soeting things for both mum and dad...mum had to have a pm as it was sudden and it seemed time stood still as there was nothing much we could do until the coroner had done her work...dads was straightforward. I am sure the FD will have your mum soon and looking peaceful. Take care
I went and hovered outside the Bereavement Office at the hospital, hoping the initial paperwork would be signed and maybe I'd make it to the Registry Office to at least register the death, then there would be Thursday and Friday for the FDs to come and collect mum. But no, still no signature from the doc. It has to be one that was tending to her while she was alive. So all of Tuesday and Wednesday and they can't sign a form! The lady in the office kept beeping the doc, but doc was busy with sick people. I get that, but I want to get mum moved! So, tomorrow they start at 0830 and I plan to be there at 1000, that gives me more time to get the death registered tomorrow, but doubt the FDs will be able to pick up until Friday, if they are even free. If I can't get registered tomorrow then I guess mum has to stay at the hospital until Monday, which is totally ridiculous in my view, considering there's no investigation, just a signature required from a doc!
I explained to the BO lady that mum would need to travel a distance and I'm concerned the longer it takes for her to get to the FD, then she'll look more grim for me to view, but the lady said I could see her there and then, which I declined then said she would go and have a look herself. She came back and said mum looked pale, but fine, so at least that reassured me a bit (unless she lied!). I might see if they'll let me see mum tomorrow while I'm there. I guess they will just wheel her out onto something and I will only be able to view through a window, which is fine. Will have to brace myself for the 'pale look'!
I am remarkably calm and, well, OK. I wondered if all the building grief along the way would ease things at the end. So far, it seems to be the case. I keep having a little spurt of tears now and again, and then I'm OK again. The funeral is weeks off now. I've decided it's worth the wait to get the right arrangements and attendees in place. It gives me loads and loads of time to do everything right. I have no idea about Wake venue as I obviously can't have it here at home, 70 odd miles away. I guess I'll have plenty of time to find somewhere suitable. I'm thinking a small private room somewhere. The priest will say a quick prayer at the start and then everyone can tuck in. I'm not planning to provide any alcohol, but if it ends up being at a hotel or pub, people can buy their own if they wish. I will only provide soft drinks and tea and coffee. And lots of cake!
I explained to the BO lady that mum would need to travel a distance and I'm concerned the longer it takes for her to get to the FD, then she'll look more grim for me to view, but the lady said I could see her there and then, which I declined then said she would go and have a look herself. She came back and said mum looked pale, but fine, so at least that reassured me a bit (unless she lied!). I might see if they'll let me see mum tomorrow while I'm there. I guess they will just wheel her out onto something and I will only be able to view through a window, which is fine. Will have to brace myself for the 'pale look'!
I am remarkably calm and, well, OK. I wondered if all the building grief along the way would ease things at the end. So far, it seems to be the case. I keep having a little spurt of tears now and again, and then I'm OK again. The funeral is weeks off now. I've decided it's worth the wait to get the right arrangements and attendees in place. It gives me loads and loads of time to do everything right. I have no idea about Wake venue as I obviously can't have it here at home, 70 odd miles away. I guess I'll have plenty of time to find somewhere suitable. I'm thinking a small private room somewhere. The priest will say a quick prayer at the start and then everyone can tuck in. I'm not planning to provide any alcohol, but if it ends up being at a hotel or pub, people can buy their own if they wish. I will only provide soft drinks and tea and coffee. And lots of cake!
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