My wife has Alzheimer's and was Diagnosed 3 years ago. We went too see her consultant on Friday and she told me that her medication had been just about exhausted and that I should consider my wife going into respite for a few days but she also said that perhaps I should go to see her every day and spend the daytime with her, while I don't want to have my wife in respite I can't see the point of her being in respite if I have to visit each day and spend the day with her, I need a break from her, as much as I love her she is getting me down, so much so I feel at breaking point. Can anyone advise me if I am expected to spend the days with het, to my way of thinking it would defeat the reason for her to go into respite. The other advice that the consultant gave me was that I should be looking at the possibility of care in the not to far distant future which is the last thing that I want for my wife, I just been to be able to have a break. The consultant also gave me diazepam to give to calm her down the only problem is that when she has taken diazepam in the afternoon she is totally washed and sleepy the next morning and I just have to write the morning off, I just don't know what to do for the best. Please can anyone advise me about her time in respite. Thanks putting up with my ramblings.
Respite
- Thread starter Josh60
- Start date
Hi Josh60, my husband went for respite three times and I didn’t go and visit him at all, the first time it was really hard but didn’t go away anywhere and phoned the home a couple of times to check everything was ok, the second time I went away with my sister for a couple of days and the third time I went abroad for a week. He was fine every time and by the third time I’d learnt to relax properly. I might have just been lucky as other people will probably tell you but he was well looked after and there were no extra problems when he came home. I hope things work out for you. BTW eventually when full time care was needed he went to the same place he’d had respite and the care continues to enable me not to worry about him being there at all.
My understanding is that respite care is intended to give the carer a break, although it can have the benefit of the person with dementia getting used to somewhere or something before a permanent arrangement is required.
There is an AS Factsheet about this that can be found by clicking on this link https://www.alzheimers.org.uk/sites..._replacement_care_respite_care_in_england.pdf
There is an AS Factsheet about this that can be found by clicking on this link https://www.alzheimers.org.uk/sites..._replacement_care_respite_care_in_england.pdf
It is a dilemma because we get mixed messages. I am told I should think about respite, we are also told that a change of environment can have its own outcomes. VD is perhaps different in this respect. I do wonder whether an unsuccessful respite would be detrimental, memories go but emotions are almost a muscle memory. Happy experiences continue a feeling of happiness even when the event fades. There are Revitalise holiday weeks, both go but the carer gets a break and outings I gather. Separate rooms are possible. There are levels of care too. I have not been because medical appointments are building up for me. You need a break of some kind. I had one the other day, very rare, two hours while someone man sat. It seemed a week!
Respite care should, at its best, benefit both carer and the one being cared for. A 'carer's assessment' can help in determining this. What you do not want, is 'emergency respite' I experienced this with my late mother and I can say without reservation whatsoever, that a suitcase filled with £1 million notes would not have me repeat that experience. The positive thinking behind respite enables a term of relief for yourself, which is imperative and also a kind of continuity of social existence for the loved one in question, i.e. they are able to be with other people of a varied but similar disposition, rather than being isolated entirely. And perhaps most important of all, this can b a precursor to residential care, by way of familiarising a person with a new environment and regime, prior to actual residency taking place. I do not think that it would be wise to spend each day with your wife whilst in respite, albeit visiting over a given period of respite - say two weeks or more - is not uncommon. Forget 'ramblings'. Your question is both very valid and imperative. Caring for a loved one with dementia, can be traumatic and life-changing. It is best to plan ahead and gain some perspective on 'best interests' for your wife, whilst not forgetting yourself. If you 'crumble' then which way then do you turn?
With warmest wishes.
My wife has just been for her first 3 night stay in respite facilities, not in a home as such but in the same building as the day centre that she has started to attend recently. Other than a phone call from the centre to check when she takes her medication I had no other contact and did not feel that I should have. This was a trial for a longer period of respite which will allow me to have a holiday so it would seem somewhat self-defeating to have made contact or even visited her. The respite seems to have worked for both of us and has encouraged me to consider further stays.
I hope that this helps with your issue @Josh60
I hope that this helps with your issue @Josh60
