A dreadful couple of days

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Lindy50

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Dec 11, 2013
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111 doctor on the way. Talk about confusing conversation - I thought he was responding to my recent call to 111, but it was the guy who I spoke to last night, calling me to see how mum was doing! Anyway, he's coming. Mum sounds like a tractor now.
Oh Marnie, I’m so pleased a doctor’s coming out - and one who bothered to follow up from last night too!
Hope he’s able to help x
Thinking of you both
Lindy xx
 

Marnie63

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Dec 26, 2015
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Hampshire
I've had to concede as doc said she's very poorly and there's no treatment for this at home, only palliative care, whereas at hospital they can treat. That's my line - I can't withhold treatment for her when she's not 'actively dying'.

I'm dreading this now, but plan not to leave her side if I can help it (I haven't even had a wash or brushed my teeth from this morning!!!). Maybe I will come home to sleep, it's only half an hour away.

Wish me luck. How quickly things can change in dementia world …

The doc said that breathing issues/weakness probably came on as a follow on to sickness and diarrhoea and he said it's not just phlegm, as I'd thought, it's more serious.

Just leaving for the hospital - here we go again!
 

love.dad.but..

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Jan 16, 2014
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Kent
I've had to concede as doc said she's very poorly and there's no treatment for this at home, only palliative care, whereas at hospital they can treat. That's my line - I can't withhold treatment for her when she's not 'actively dying'.

I'm dreading this now, but plan not to leave her side if I can help it (I haven't even had a wash or brushed my teeth from this morning!!!). Maybe I will come home to sleep, it's only half an hour away.

Wish me luck. How quickly things can change in dementia world …

The doc said that breathing issues/weakness probably came on as a follow on to sickness and diarrhoea and he said it's not just phlegm, as I'd thought, it's more serious.

Just leaving for the hospital - here we go again!
You are doing the right thing for your mum...hope things are better this time at hospital...what a wonderful daughter she has in you. Thinking of you both tonight.
 

Sad Staffs

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Jun 26, 2018
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Thinking of you... so very tough for you. I wish you strength and send love and warm thoughts
B xx
 

nae sporran

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Oct 29, 2014
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Bristol
You won't read this until you get home, but wishing you all the best and hope your mum is well enough to come home very soon.
 

Prudence9

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Oct 8, 2016
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Thinking of you and your Mum whilst you're probably in the middle of what we all fear/ed the most and I'm hoping things are straightforward at the hospital.
A brave decision Marnie but seems like the right one at this time, and yes, you are a wonderful daughter.
((((Hugs)))), strength and love to you and hope you and your Mum are back home together very soon xxxx
 

Izzy

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Aug 31, 2003
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I'm glad your mum is getting treatment.

I hope you manage to get some sleep or at least rest tonight. Thinking of you.
 

rosy18

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Jul 23, 2016
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Blackpool
Thinking of you both Marnie, like others have said what a wonderful daughter you are and I too think you have made the right decision to get your Mum to hospital, hoping she is feeling a little more comfortable now.
I know how tough this is for you on your own, try to look after yourself to.
As always you are both in my prayers xx
 

Marnie63

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Dec 26, 2015
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Hampshire
Thanks everyone. Just popped home for a shower and change of clothes (and some make up!). Mum is, sadly, dying. They tried antibiotics several times, to no avail, so have stopped treatment, pallative drugs only. As well as the pneumonia, she has an obstructed bowel, which was probably the cause of those awful toileting issues. Wish I'd known, but to be honest, I think it only came on recently - maybe that awfully huge bowel movement she had last week compromised the bowel somehow. Poor mum. An operation would be possible for this, but not for someone in mum's state, they said she would probably not survive, and why put her through it? The drugs are OK, they make her more 'comfortable', but the heavy breathing and rasping continue and it's awful to witness. Nearly three years of hell with dementia, and a terrible ending as well. But, at least she won't go to end stage, that I can now be sure of. A little bit more 'torture' and it will all be over. Rest at last.

Managed to get a priest to give her Last Rites today, which also gave me comfort. The staff at the hospital have been great, but due to a very loud and coarse bed neighbour (!), she's now in a side room, quieter, but more lonely for me. I have taken to pacing the corridors! Consultant said it could be today, or a bit longer, but it's going to be soon. Cried a lot last night, slept in the hospital bed with her, and felt stronger this morning, am bracing myself as, in spite of all the anticipatory grief already experienced, I know it will hit me hard when mum is no longer with us. I'd like to think dad and all their friends have got the banners out and are waiting, drumming their fingers. She's kept them all waiting for so long!

A few thoughts already though - I did it! I accomplished mum's care as I wished, at home. That was important to me. To have her dying at home would perhaps have been a step too far, so glad she's in hospital, with all drugs at hand, and all other support of course. Hospice has been mentioned, but it would be along drive from the hospital so they said it's too risky in her state.

The other thought - no more carers stomping through the house!!!! One has texted me already, bless her, and the on call office lady offered to come to the hospital. What stars. In spite of the stomping, they were all angels, doing what they did to help me and mum

OK, back to hospital to try to be with her when she dies. She can't speak, too weak and raspy and rarely opens her eyes now. I speak to her and stroke her hands and face, and will be sleeping with her in the hospital bed again tonight, if she survives that long.

My mum, what a star, what a wonderful mother and friend she has been to me. I hope just some of what I've done for her over the past few years has been as good as what she gave to me throughout her life.

Getting sentimental now, have to go!
 
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